You, me and ChatGPT: From Tinder to texting, AI tools are complicating dating norms

When 27-year-old Cleo Chua met a man on dating app OkCupid last November, he seemed like quite a catch. Compared with some of the other profiles she had matched with previously, the 30-year-old seemed pretty different. He had a well-thought out dating profile biography, was eloquent over text and responded to her in full sentences. They had no issues keeping the conversation flowing, and after a few hours, they decided to move over to messaging app Telegram.Once they were away from the dating app's messaging platform, the red flags immediately started to appear. Every message he sent had an em dash and was italicised, which are traits commonly associated with AI-generated messages. "At first, I thought he was speaking very formally but then the italicised words made me question if he had been using AI to talk to me," said Ms Chua, who works as an analyst.Before she could ask him what was going on, he gave up the pretence and started texting as himself. His well-crafted sentences gave way to broken English.When she confronted him, he replied: "Because am lazy to text msg (sic)".Said Ms Chua, who no longer uses dating apps: "I was shocked and annoyed, because I didn't even realise people would use AI to text. "I felt I was being misled." The introduction of online dating apps in the last decade or so has given singles the promise of finding "the one" through easier connections from an instant and wide pool of possibilities. But with convenience came complications including fake profiles, catfishing and superficial connections.Dating apps have begun offering AI tools on their platforms. While most of these tools are for user safety and to give users better profile matches to swipe on, some of these AI-powered features are also for users to use directly on their apps.While Tinder initially introduced an AI tool that helped enhance photos, the tool was put on pause in July this year after it had altered some users' appearances.Earlier this year, dating app Coffee Meets Bagel rolled out an AI tool that offers personalised prompts for conversations based on someone's profile. It had conducted a survey in November 2025 of more than 1,000 working professionals in Singapore aged 21 to 35 and found that about nine in 10 are open to using AI in their dating lives.But this openness to AI did come with some caveats. Some 87 per cent wanted control over how and when it was used, while 77 per cent were also concerned that it would make dating feel less authentic."That tells us people are not rejecting AI but are asking for thoughtful boundaries," said Mr Jason Teo, head of product for the platform. Beyond AI tools appearing as add-ons in dating apps, some users are independently using these large language models to plan dates, craft messages and decode messages from matches.Dating app users whom CNA TODAY spoke to were mixed in their views when asked how extensive a role AI should play in finding love online. Some felt it had made it harder to find an authentic match and build a real connection, while others defended such tools because they had helped them navigate otherwise tricky situations. "WHAT A TURN OFF"In the "no" camp when it comes to AI use when dating is Ms Mitch Sene, 24, who immediately swipes left if she sees traces of AI being used in a profile's bio. She said she has also seen profiles clearly written by AI, which are devoid of personality, as well as AI-generated profile photos in the style of Japanese animation studio Studio Ghibli."AI is a turnoff for me. If you had confidence, you would be putting your own photo," said the undergraduate, echoing the sentiments of other singles who spoke to CNA TODAY. "How can you trust someone who won't put their true self forward?" Several dating app users told CNA TODAY that they look out for tell-tale signs of AI use in dating profiles, like perfectly curated bios and AI-generated photos. (Photo: iStock) Undergraduate Michael Tan, 24, has also received messages from dates which he believes are AI-generated. In one instance, he received a message that included a line from an AI tool: "Here's how you can reply to him to show your enthusiasm."For him, AI use is a deal breaker."Imagine we dated, and we have to have a serious and important conversation. Or maybe we argue about something, and this long, perfectly PC (politically correct) message gets sent," he said. "Are we really communicating? And how would we be able to converse face to face if they need ChatGPT to talk for them?"For 26-year-old Wendy, a civil servant, who turned to dating apps after a bad break-up, she had been open to tolerating matches who used AI for messaging or massaging their profiles but she hit her limit with AI use after receiving an unsolicited sexual image. Last December, after chatting extensively with one of her Tinder matches, she thought it was worth taking the conversation off the dating app. They exchanged Instagram handles at first, and soon moved their conversation over to Telegram.About a month later, the man began sending her sexual messages. Before she could react, he sent an unsolicited image of a penis. "I was shocked because I only saw the messages a few hours later as I was at work," said Wendy, who declined to give her full name. She immediately blocked his account but when she met her friends a few days later and recounted the story, they were curious to read her conversation with him. That was when they noticed that the picture was AI-generated."I mean, there were six fingers," she said, of the hand grasping the male genitalia. "I was shocked. Why would anyone do that?" After getting over the shock of receiving such an image, Wendy grew increasingly worried about the use of AI to generate the image. "You see all these stories about deepfakes ... The more I thought about it, the more scared I felt ... What if he had taken my pictures from Instagram and generated something awful?" she said.Since Aug 17, producing intimate images, including AI-generated material, without consent is punishable with up to two years' jail, a fine, or both.Wendy did not report the matter to the authorities, but has stopped using dating applications since. "I can't trust the people I meet online; I am always second-guessing if they are real," she said.OVERCOMING NERVESWhile some singles are firmly in the "no" camp, others told CNA TODAY that they had good reasons for using AI to help them in their dating journey, including planning dates and helping them overcome their anxiety of getting to know someone new online. Mr Wong, 36, who declined to be fully named as his girlfriend is not aware of his AI use, admitted that he is a "nervous texter"."I don't know what to say, how to continue a conversation online. I'm just bad at texting, and I was worried about how to make a good impression while texting online," he said. "You only have a few messages to make that good first impression."He used ChatGPT to help polish up his messages with his now-girlfriend when they first matched each other on Tinder in February this year. "Our first date went fine in person and she didn't suspect that I used ChatGPT for some help. The messages were still very much me – I just added a little polish to give a better impression," he told CNA TODAY. He still uses ChatGPT occasionally when he is unable to find the right words to convey a message, such as when they discuss sensitive topics such as long-term goals and family planning.Like Mr Wong, it seems many other singles are keen to embrace anything that can help them over the anxiety of crafting that first message. Coffee Meets Bagel said that 90 per cent of its users keep their "topic suggestions" feature on. This AI feature suggests conversation starters based on a user's profile and chat context, said the firm's Mr Teo."Rather than simply copying and pasting a suggestion verbatim, many use it for inspiration and personalise it in their own voice before hitting send," he added. It seems even professionals in the business of writing need a little backup help when it comes to online dating. Ms Savitha Ravindran, 29, who works in public relations, said she used AI to give her a second opinion on how to write a good message when she was on dating app Bumble and to also help decode messages she received."It's ironic that I write for a living but need AI to help me craft a good message and understand what my date is saying. But when emotions are involved, I just need a second opinion," she said.She said she has never used a message wholesale from an AI tool to text her dates as she still wants her messages to come from her "own voice", so she tweaks the suggested responses instead. Experts said AI can be a useful tool to help find love, but must be used in moderation. (Photo: iStock) She also uses AI tools like ChatGPT to help her navigate her emotions like when she is frustrated, but tries to limit its use to be "as real as possible" with her partner.Some of her friends use AI tools to help them prepare for their first in-person date by memorising answers to questions that can be difficult to answer, like how to describe their exes and what happened in their previous relationships that failed. Their strategy however has not always been welcomed by other users."Some have been called out for using AI, because they seem different in person than in real life," she said.SHOULD TECHNOLOGY GUIDE CUPID'S ARROW?Dating coaches and counsellors told CNA TODAY that the use of AI is not necessarily bad, and most of the time depended to what extent it was used."Love is such an intrinsic part of the human experience that the idea of optimising love with AI obviously feels incongruous and disconnected with what society and media have brought us up with: the sense of destiny, meet-cutes and soulmates," said Ms Noorindah Iskandar, the founder of love and intimacy website Shy and Curious."It’s easy in this sense to get suspicious or demonise the role of AI to help us in love."Ms Noorindah, who is single, admitted that AI had made her more sceptical of every online dating profile she swiped on. But the real consideration, she said, was whether someone's in-person interactions matched their online AI persona. "At the end of the day, you’ll still have to interact with potential partners in real life at social settings and get to know whether how they’re like in person and online align," she said.Ms Theresa Pong, the founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, said that she has observed many clients using generative AI to help understand their relationship challenges."AI can be a useful tool to help us reflect, gain perspective and even find ways to express ourselves better," she said.But she warned that AI should not be used to present a false version of yourself."It can help you think of a date idea, organise your thoughts or find the right words when you are struggling to express yourself. But the feelings, intentions and values behind those words should always be your own," said Ms Pong.While the use of AI in dating has certainly made it more complicated for singles to navigate the dating scene, one expert pointed out that it could actually help users make swift decisions on compatibility. Said Ms Grace Ann Chua, a dating coach at relationship education company Steady SG: "We'll increasingly see people discerning not just how someone uses AI, but how much they rely on it, and whether that's something they can live with in a partner."