The private school tricks state school parents can copy – on the cheap

When I first picked my kids up from private school, there was something tangible I noticed about the other kids filing out. Confidence. Not just a cocky kind. A deep, visceral aura that made them ooze a sense of “I can do anything”. It was obvious to me because I’d spent my entire education in state school – and was even on free school meals at times. So, I’m well versed in both sides of that private school fence. But here’s what I’ve learnt. While there are, of course, many advantages to private school – such as equipment and resources that state schools can’t afford – there are some life lessons and strengths that my kids have picked up which can be taught outside of the private sector. Here’s what I have learnt from putting my 17-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter through both the private and state systems. Sport Private schools are obsessed with sports. That’s why most Olympians are privately educated. Not fair? Damn right. But private schools spoon-feed the kids sports daily until they like it. Hockey, tennis, lacrosse, football, rugby, cricket. Kids of all ages and abilities do it daily at my kids’ private school. My daughter hates PE but has actually come to like learning the rules for cricket, lacrosse and other sports. This is what gives these kids a leg up in life – the ability to do sports, chat sport rules and know about sports. As a sport-hater myself it’s alien to me. But I can see the value it has instilled in my children. My recommendations? Encourage your child’s PE department to teach different sports. The Home Primary Sports Fund offers free PE session funding to schools and trackstart.co.uk offers programs for young athletes. Failing that, grab some tennis rackets and play in your local park. Extra-curricular clubs State schools offer a range of clubs, and good state schools offer a great mix. I’d argue that private schools go one stage further. Sailing, anyone? Horse-riding? These incur an extra fee – I didn’t send my kids to do these activities, but I did enrol them in others, such as music technology and song-writing, travel club (learning about cultures of the world) and creative writing. Again, I know these things cost money, my point is simply to show the range and breadth of activities on offer beyond football or other sports, so parents know there are other things out there. If your child’s school offers after-school clubs and is open to suggestions, perhaps try proposing other types of clubs and gauge interest from other kids’ parents. Instilling confidence I’ve mentioned this before and even wrote an article for this very newspaper on how my kids simply began to ooze confidence after starting private school. As someone who’s state educated myself, I found it completely bamboozling how my previously state-educated kids went from hunched and mumbling to speaking clearly with the posture of ironing boards. It’s a magic recipe I still can’t really put my finger on, but all the private school kids I’ve met have it. I can only put it down to a sense of “anything is possible” that teachers in private schools seem to pass on to pupils. I know there are many wonderful schools and teachers in the state sector who do this (I remember my own favourite two teachers from my local comp who made me feel this way), but I’d argue it happens more frequently and to a greater degree in private schools. How can we do this outside that sector? Tell your kids anything is possible. Encourage them to do things outside their comfort zone. Tell them they’re as good as anyone else. So, if your kids are in state school, as I was all my life and my own kids were until a few years ago, I am not saying it is easy. I’ve been incredibly lucky to be able to place my kids in the private system, I never take it for granted. But my message is this: there are ways you can “cheat” the system and give your kids these attributes without forking out thousands every year. Yours, a fellow ex-state school pupil.