My Wife Had Something Very Strange to Say About My Sister’s Baby. That’s When the Food Fight Began.

Care and Feeding I know they’ve never gotten along, but this is too far. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Andrii Borodai/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife, “Ariana,” has never gotten along with my sister, “Candice.” But when everyone got together at my parents’ for Labor Day weekend, Ariana had too much wine and insinuated that Candice had cheated on her husband because their 14-month-old is blonde and blue-eyed (my sister and brother-in-law both have brown eyes and dark hair). Candice was incensed and flung an entire bowl of potato salad on her before removing her family from the gathering and going home. The holidays are not far off, and I really want to be able to see my family. Ariana, however, is still refusing to apologize for her insensitive comment, and they’ve made it clear she is persona non grata until she does. I don’t want to have to choose between visiting my family and leaving my wife home alone for Thanksgiving and Christmas. What can I do to convince her she needs to own up to what she did and make amends with Candice? —Caught in the Middle Dear Caught in the Middle, Whew! This is a lot. Ariana is dead wrong here. And if I were Candice, I would’ve slung that bowl of potato salad at her, too! Unfortunately, it’s not just about your wife not apologizing. It is absolutely about what it says about her that she would attempt to blow up someone’s life (someone who is now related to her at that), with no proof whatsoever, cause a huge ruckus, and then refuse to apologize, knowing the fraught situation it puts you, her husband, in with your family. Ariana has some huge character flaws, and I bet that not only does your family dislike her, but they might also be rooting for a divorce at this point. This is going to go far beyond just the holidays. If your wife won’t make things right with your sister for you, if not because it’s the right thing to do, then I fear you’re going to have to really think about what your marriage and relationships with your family members will look like long-term and if you’re OK with making this choice over and over and over again. Ask her, “Don’t you think you’re in the wrong here?” Her answer will tell you everything you need to know. —Arionne More Advice From Slate I am getting married soon. My family asked me to make my cousin one of my groomsmen, so I did. But the truth is that we have never really gotten along. At every family event I can think of, he has gone out of his way to put me down (even if I’ve agreed with something he’s said, or tried to give him a compliment!). He is a PhD candidate in engineering and is very loud about that. On the night of my bachelor party, I was talking to some of my friends about an interesting article I’d read, and my cousin immediately joined the convo, telling me I had no idea what I was talking about, which infuriated me… Advice Family Kids Parenting