My niche fetish is difficult to keep under control – and now I’m worried it may cost me my job

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been drawn to women’s feet for as long as I can remember. The shape of them, the smell and all the different textures turn me on. I love how all women’s feet are completely different, and how their toes splay when they walk. When I’m alone, I fantasise about licking toes, or having a beautiful woman push the sole of her foot into my mouth to render me powerless. I’m 42 and single. I was made redundant from my supermarket job last year. I applied for lots of new roles and when the Job Centre sent me details of a sales assistant position in a well-known shoe chain, I couldn’t believe my luck. Still at the back of my head I was worried I’d be distracted or aroused all day. As it turns out, I was right to be worried. Just being around shoes and stockings is overwhelming for me. At first I tried to stay behind the counter, only letting myself sniff shoes now and again. Live Chat and Contact Dear Deidre Live Chat with one of our trained counsellors Monday to Thursday from 1pm to 4pm. In Live Chat Hours:On your desktop or mobile, a ‘live chat with us’ button will appear below. Click it, and the chat box will appear and you will be connected with one of Deidre’s team. If you’re on the The Sun app, click here. If you would like to contact any of the counsellors outside of these hours, you can contact us:Via email: deardeidre@the-sun.co.ukOr send a confidential form here.DM us on Instagram: @Dear DeidreDM us on Facebook: @DearDeidreOfficial But my manager – a nice woman older than me – told me I had to interact with every customer. She showed me how to measure women’s feet, using her own foot as a prop. Little did she know how erotic I found the experience. Obviously I try to stay professional, but when a woman has a shapely arch, I sometimes linger too long. I also find myself creating reasons to touch women’s feet. I gently push the toe of the shoe to see where the toes are resting inside. I pretend I’m seeing how well they fit. I suspect one of our regular customers has clocked my fetish because she comes in every week to try on sandals. It’s like she’s torturing me. She asks my opinion on every pair, and makes me watch her walk around the shop. She once asked me to help her unzip a pair of leather boots that had become jammed. I had to excuse myself because I was getting aroused. My manager pulled me in for a performance review. She says I am sometimes too “intense”. My bills are high and I can’t afford to lose this job. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: Foot fetishes are very common. Some scientists believe this is because, in the part of the brain that makes you feel things (the somatosensory cortex), your feet are right next to your genitals. Another theory is that crawling around your mum’s feet when you were a baby might have triggered this fetish. My free support pack Fetish Worries? has more information. But no matter why you like feet, it is unprofessional to fondle them when you are at work. Even if you try to hide your desires, you’re still using non-consenting women to stimulate you. That’s sexual harassment. It’s very important that you stop lusting over customers. The right place to act out your desires is with a fully consenting woman, ideally a loving partner. If you can’t control your urges, I’d strongly advise you to start looking for another job immediately. Follow your boss’s advice to ensure you leave with a good reference. If you’d like to understand more about your foot fetish, talk to a trained therapist. Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk). Dear Deidre’s Fetish Files From mismatched desires to sexual boundaries pushed too far, kink-related dilemmas regularly feature in Deidre’s inbox. One woman wrote in after discovering her boyfriend’s extreme fetish, unsure whether it was harmless fantasy or something darker. Another reader admitted his girlfriend’s kinks had gone too far, leaving him worried he was too vanilla for her. And a third woman shared how her husband’s demands for a submissive dynamic in their marriage left her questioning everything. FOOT FETISHES EXPLAINED A foot fetish, also known as podophilia, is a sexual interest in feet. For some people it's simply an attraction to the appearance of feet, while for others it may involve activities such as foot massage, kissing, touching or even certain types of footwear. WHAT DOES IT INVOLVE?A foot fetish can include an attraction to: Bare feet Toes Soles or arches Painted toenails Shoes, boots, trainers or high heels Foot massage or foot worship Not everyone with a foot fetish enjoys the same things, and many people have preferences for one aspect rather than feet as a whole. WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE FOOT FETISHES? Experts don’t know exactly why foot fetishes develop, but several theories exist. Some psychologists believe they can develop through early learned associations, while neuroscientists have suggested the areas of the brain responsible for processing sensations from the feet sit close to those linked to sexual arousal. There is no definitive explanation. WHEN DOES IT BECOME A PROBLEM? Having a foot fetish is not considered harmful or unusual by itself. It only becomes a concern if it causes you distress, affects your relationships or daily life, or involves behaviour that is not consensual.