My Nephew Ruined My Parents’ Wedding Anniversary. Or So Everyone Thought.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Cavan Images/Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My sister’s 8-year-old son, “Tyler” is an insufferable little snot whose favorite pastimes include terrorizing his younger cousins and causing chaos wherever he goes. Recently my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, and he ruined it. Well, that’s how it seemed. When it was time for the cake to be brought out, it was discovered that “T-Y-L-E-R” had been scrawled into the frosting with a finger in giant letters. For once, my sister and brother-in-law punished Tyler by taking his Halloween candy and throwing it away. Consequences finally imposed on a little jerk, right? There’s just one catch: My husband later confessed to me that he was the one who vandalized the cake. The reason he gave was because Tyler had told our 3-year-old that a monster would come to take him away if he fell asleep that night and made him cry. Can we call it a wash? —Cake Vigilante Dear Cake Vigilante, I am kinda torn here. I think getting a kid in trouble for something he didn’t actually do is cruel and unusual, even if he’s an insufferable one. I can only imagine how crazy Tyler felt being accused and then punished knowing he was innocent! However, what your husband did was so unhinged, I don’t know if Tyler’s parents will ever forgive him. Everybody kinda sucks here, except for you and your kid. Alas, if your nephew has truly terrorized your child without consequences, I think you should just keep the truth to yourself. If Tyler continues to be awful to your kid, you should strictly limit their interactions. You should also talk to your sister about their approach to their son’s behavior. Ask her if she feels frustrated or overwhelmed. Be supportive if she needs someone to talk to while encouraging her to take steps to identify why her son behaves as he does and to address it, possibly with a professional. Maybe this incident led his parents to regularly hold him accountable for his “actions.” Hopefully, Tyler will grow up to be a better human being and you can share this story with him and his family many, many years in the future. They will probably not find it funny. I kinda do. —Jamilah More Parenting Advice From Slate What are parents of bisexual teens supposed to do about sleepovers? For my heterosexual kid, the rule is “no opposite-sex sleepovers,” and if I had a gay child, the rule would be “no same-sex sleepovers.” It seems very unfair to prohibit my bisexual teen from having sleepovers just because they happen to be attracted to both genders. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids