My Mother Walked Out of My Life When I Was 4. Now She’s Back With an Absurd Attitude.

Dear Prudence I need this nightmare to end. Advice by Enter your email to receive alerts for this author. Sign in or create an account to better manage your email preferences. Unsubscribe from email alerts Are you sure you want to unsubscribe from email alerts for Jenée Desmond-Harris? Nov 04, 20266:00 AM Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, My biological mother, “Kris,” walked out on my dad and me when I was 4. The next time I saw her, I was 12, and she made a scene because I didn’t recognize her and called my stepmother Mom. She literally showed up on our porch on a random weekend. She never paid child support or tried for custody in over 20 years. I do have somewhat of a positive relationship with her family, if mostly just through phone calls and a visit on the odd holiday. I am getting married, and rather than being excited, I am exhausted. Kris found the Lord, so all must be forgiven, and now she wants to play the all-loving mother of the bride. My fiancé and I have both gotten spammed by her calls, texts, and emails. We blocked her, so she sent her parents and other relatives on her behalf. My father and stepmother are walking me down the aisle. It is very emotionally delicate for my stepmother because she lost her only daughter as a baby, and her daughter would be around my age. I don’t care about Kris. I don’t hate her. I don’t want her harmed. If she really has turned her life around, that is good, but it has nothing to do with me. How do I get through to my family? Kris chose to quit being my mom 10 years ago. She doesn’t get to play the part now. —Wedding Woes Dear Wedding Woes, You may not be able to get Kris’s family to understand how you feel, but you can protect yourself from their harassment over their really insensitive behavior at what is supposed to be a special time in your life. Send the following text to anyone who has bothered you about this: “I’m writing to let you know that my decision not to invite Kris to my wedding is final, and I ask that you not raise the issue with me again. I don’t hate her. I don’t want her harmed. If she has really turned her life around, that is good, but it has nothing to do with me. I want to enjoy the day I get married with the people who have always loved and supported me over the years. She is not one of them, so she will be excluded. Anyone who brings this up to me again will be uninvited too. Please honor my request. Thank you.” Classic Prudie My in-laws are unbelievably superstitious. My mother-in-law believes she’s psychic, my father-in-law believes her, and my husband—otherwise rational—turns we can’t know for sure! credulous around her. I find the stream of insights and ghost sightings grating, but they can believe what they want—until it reaches the end of my nose. Advice Dear Prudence Family