My Friend Went Through a Divorce and Has Had Zero Luck Dating. I Want to Give Him an … Unusual Birthday Gift.

How to Do It Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by demaerre/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, A friend went through an ugly divorce over a year ago. He has had zero luck on the dating scene and is very depressed. Would it be acceptable to hire a sex worker for his upcoming birthday? —Maybe This Will Bring His Mojo Back Dear Maybe This Will Bring His Mojo Back, Hiring a sex worker as a surprise for your friend is not generally socially acceptable, probably not acceptable for the worker, and unlikely to be acceptable for your friend. In the same way that one half of a couple surprising the other with a first-time threesome partner tends to backfire spectacularly, even if the couple has previously discussed wanting to have a threesome, surprising people with a potential sexual partner is a very risky endeavor. Even if your friend has floated the idea of hiring a pro himself, there’s a strong chance that the reality isn’t something he wants to follow through on, or that if he does want to pursue that option, he’d prefer to do it on his own terms. While people who do sex work and regularly patronize sex workers are usually aware of the broad swath of reasons that customers partake in those services, there’s a big stigma among outsiders that assumes clients are desperate and unable to find sexual interactions otherwise. Since you’re wanting to hire someone because your friend has had, as you put it, zero luck on the dating scene after an ugly divorce, I’m worried that’ll line right up with all the stigma and make your friend feel awful. As usual, an open conversation about your aim (in this case, it sounds like a desire to find a way for the guy to get a break) and what the gift receiver in question might actually want is your best bet. Take a moment to consider what you’re really hoping to give him, and how to best explain that. It’s quite possible that “I’d like to hire a pro to help you get your mojo back” would compound any negative assessments he currently has of his self-worth. Perhaps something like “I want to find a way to help you get past this first post-divorce sexual experience, have this budget to work with, and am wondering whether there’s something that money could do that would be in line with what you’d prefer” would work. But considering that broaching this subject gives you such anxiety, it may be best, for one reason or another, to go with a less potentially controversial present and trust he’ll sort his sex woes out himself. It might be more beneficial to offer to hire some type of dating consultant. Some people use immense amounts of data to refine app bios and help people pitch themselves in the most likely to be successful way. There are dating coaches, who usually use a blend of exercises, encouragement, analysis of how dates have been going, and emotional discussion to help people get from where they are now (over a year out from a divorce and depressed about difficulty dating) to where they want to be. And there are therapists who support people as they work through the emotional pain of divorce, which can be a big factor in whether a person is actually moving on from that relationship or telegraphing their suffering on a first date in a way that is shutting down potential new relationships. Hiring these kinds of professionals is just as personal a decision as hiring a sex worker, and requires the same type of open check-in around what the intended recipient wants and is OK with. —Jessica More Advice From Slate My husband (40) and I (38) have been together for 13 years. We have had a great marriage with no big issues or infidelity. While our sex has had its ups and downs, luckily for me it has REALLY been on the ups over the past few years. I was a prude of sorts and now that has gone out the window! Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Sex