My abusive girlfriend banned me from using the toilet & threatened to cry rape…I thought cops wouldn’t believe me

GARETH Jones thought he had met the woman of his dreams when he went on a date with attractive, blonde-haired Sarah Rigby after they had connected on an online dating app. But he soon found himself trapped in a cruel campaign of coercive control in which she called him fat and worthless, barely allowed him to eat anything and wouldn’t let him be in her house if she was not there. Gareth Jones thought Sarah Rigby was the woman of his dreams, but she soon became abusive and controlling Credit: cheshire Police/Gareth Jones Gareth says Rigby made him drink mouthwash and threatened to cry rape if he spoke out against her Credit: cheshire Police/Gareth Jones Rigby refused to let him use the shower or toilet and made him drink half a bottle of mouthwash and eat tooth paste before she would kiss him. She was also physically abusive. If he ever spoke out to anyone about it, she threatened she would accuse him of rape. Sign up for the Fabulous newsletter Thank you! “It felt easier for me to sit there and take the beating, because nobody was ever going to believe this was happening to me,” he says. He had a point. Gareth is a stocky, talented rugby player in his youth, originally from Pontypridd, south Wales, now living in Cheshire. Sarah was half his size. As she once mocked him, “Who are they going to believe – you or me?” Read more on Gareth Jones In an exclusive interview with The Sun Gareth, who can be seen talking to relationship expert Paul Brunson, in the TV documentary Paul C. Brunson: Red Flag, tells us about his date from hell. “I came across Sarah on a dating app and reached out to her,” he recalls. “I thought at the beginning that she wouldn’t reply because she was such a good-looking girl so why would she reply to me? When she did, I felt my heart flutter to think she was interested in me. It was around July 2021 that we went on our first date. She was touching hands across the table already and saying I was such a nice guy and that she could picture a future for us together. I thought, this was it. I’ve met the woman of my dreams. Most read in Fabulous In a text to Gareth’s mum, Diane, Rigby called her a “total psycho” Credit: Cavendish Gareth was happy when he first met Rigby, but then he says she turned violent Credit: cheshire Police/Gareth Jones “She said ‘I love you’ after two dates. It was all a bit of a whirlwind. We would go out at weekends for meals or be at home, watching a movie or whatever. But a month into the relationship, I was saying to my mum how great Sarah was and then I got a message on my phone from her, saying. ‘Do you know what? I don’t know if this is going to work out between us.’ “I was hurt, because things had been going so well. But then I thought I would put it behind me and start looking on the dating app again. That’s when she texted me to say, ‘It’s not you, it’s me. I’m sorry. I go through these phases. We’ll get through this. Why don’t you come back to mine and we can rekindle things again.’ I felt overjoyed and that maybe it was just a blip.” Sarah then tried to cut the close relationship Gareth had with his mother, Diane, after she saw texts on his phone from her, expressing concern about his relationship with Sarah. In a cruel and abusive text to Diane, she accused her of “Slagging me off to Gareth”, and called her “a total psycho” and to “F**k off, u vile interfering witch.” Gareth spoke to his mum, making excuses about Sarah, explaining she had these “phases” and that, hopefully they would meet one day and get along. At Sarah’s suggestion, he moved in with her at her house in Winsford, Cheshire. Gareth opened up to Paul C. Brunson about his horrific ordeal Credit: UKTV Gareth has bravely shared his experience for a TV documentary Credit: UKTV “She said, ‘You’re always at my house. You’re better off just moving in with me. You don’t need to be spending money on rent and property.’ I thought it seemed logical. “The following morning, I was just in my boxer shorts and a message pinged up on my phone from the dating app. It was like a red mist came over her. She stuck her face right in mine and said, ‘Who the f**k is this?’ She threw the phone at me and ordered me out of the house. “I’ve always been brought up to be respectful to women. I was in her property and so I thought I’d step outside for a while until she calmed down and let me back in. I knocked on the door a couple of times but got no answer. I stood there, in just my boxer shorts for 30 minutes, 20 miles away from my home. I didn’t know what else to do, so I called the police. “I had to wait, maybe another hour for them to arrive. I sat on the lawn and when the police turned up, they looked at me weirdly. I told them what had happened and asked if they would go inside and get my belongings. They knocked on the door and she let them in but they came out a minute or two later and said, ‘Sarah says she doesn’t know you.’ They believed her. I don’t know why they thought I would just be standing there in my underwear. Gareth says Sarah Rigby threw a phone at him Credit: cheshire Police/Gareth Jones Gareth says Rigby called him ‘fat’, ‘smelly’ and ‘ugly’ Credit: cheshire Police/Gareth Jones “I told the police that I just needed my clothes and I would go. So, they went back in again and this time they brought my laptop out, a pair of jeans, my wallet, keys, and that was it. “I had no shirt or shoes but at that point I just wanted to go home, so I put the trousers on and got a cab. I knew the relationship was definitely over.” But it wasn’t. A couple of days later she texted him, apologising once more, saying that because she had been in relationships with other men who had been texting other women, she felt vulnerable. And she promised it would never happen again. “That vulnerability that I saw, pulled me back in,” says Gareth. “And for the next month or so we had a normal relationship.” But then she coldly demanded he pay her £700 per month, backdated from when he first moved in, because she had a mortgage to pay. And from now on, he would be paying all the household bills. “She said, ‘Look, Gareth. You’re in my house now. These are my rules. You pay all the bills. You’re the man, you’re the provider and you are my walking ATM. You don’t get the key. You are only here when I’m here. If I’m not in the house, you’re not in the house. If you don’t like it, I’ll go to the police and tell them you raped me. Who do you think they’re going to believe – little old me or big old you?’ “Considering that incident where I was outside the house in my boxer shorts and the police didn’t believe me, I didn’t think they were going to believe me now. I had a feeling of helplessness.” Sarah Rigby ended up in court over her abusive behaviour but was spared jail Credit: Cavendish It was only much later that he discovered the house was owned by her father, and that the monthly £700 from Gareth was pure profit for her. On a trip to London, she was keen to go to Harrods where she demanded he buy her a £2,000 Marc Jacobs bag. If he didn’t, she would tell the security guard he tried to rape her. Gareth’s ordeal got worse as she prevented him from using the toilet and controlled his diet so that he lost four stone in a few months. If she was going out of the house, he had to leave too. “She kept telling me that I’ve got halitosis and then she wouldn’t kiss me unless I drank half a bottle of mouthwash and ate toothpaste. It was horrible and gave me stomach pains. “She wouldn’t let me shower. She said, ‘Men are disgusting. They’re not like us women. I don’t want manly hairs in my bathroom.’ It was degrading. I used to go to the leisure centre to shower and I would go to the local library, supermarket or pub every day whenever I wanted to use the toilet. “She used to call me fat, smelly, overweight. It was continuous. If we ever went out anywhere, I was only allowed a salad while she had a full dinner. I felt degraded, humiliated.” Even though NHS manager Gareth needed to work from home during a time of Covid, she would not let him. Instead, he had to walk to the library to work from there on his laptop. “She was physical too. She once grabbed a glass candle holder and smashed it into my nose, leaving me with a permanent scar. But what hurt the most was the psychological damage she caused. How demeaning she was. I was feeling suicidal because your brain becomes conditioned to believing what someone says, when it is so constant.” Six months into their relationship, Gareth feared for his life after she had once casually remarked to him, “The way things are going, Gareth, one of us might end up killing the other. And it’s probably more likely going to be me to you.” “It was a like a death threat,” he says. “I did then fear that she might actually do it. “I started to take screen shots of her abusive texts messages on my phone and sent them to my mum because I figured, if anything happens to me, she’s got the evidence.” Gareth secretly met up with his mum, who persuaded him to contact Mankind, a charity that supports abused men. “Even then, I wasn’t sure I was being abused but that told me that I definitely was,” he says. “My next call was to the police.” Sarah was arrested. The case took two years to get to court. “In court she carried the same handbag from Harrods I had been made to buy her,” he says. “It was like she was saying she was still in control. But I thought, ‘No. I’m going to take the stand and look you in the eye and say this is what you did to me’. “I remember they read out one text message in particular she had sent me that said, ‘I may not be able to control certain aspects of my life, Gareth, but the one thing that I can control is you, and I absolutely f*****g love it.’ Her head dropped and she knew at that point the game was up.” Sarah pleaded guilty to controlling and coercive behaviour and received a 20-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, plus a five-year restraining order. “I feel disappointed with the verdict, it shows there is still a stigmatisation in society about the male-female dynamic, especially relating to domestic abuse,” he says. If it had been the other way around it would probably have had a different outcome. “Hopefully, telling my story will encourage others to escape a bad situation. If I can help one other person, then it is worthwhile. “It took me four years until I was able to start dating again recently. It has taken a long time to get the trust back. This time I met someone socially, and not through a dating app, because I didn’t feel I could do that anymore. So far, it’s going well.” Paul C. Brunson: Red Flag, Tuesday 22 September, 9pm on U&W and U Domestic abuse - how to get help DOMESTIC abuse can affect anyone - including men - and does not always involve physical violence. Here are some signs that you could be in an abusive relationship: Emotional abuse – Including being belittled, blamed for the abuse – gaslighting – being isolated from family and friends, having no control over your finances, what you where and who you speak to Threats and intimidation – Some partners might threaten to kill or hurt you, destroy your belongings, stalk or harass you Physical abuse – This can range from slapping or hitting to being shoved over, choked or bitten. Sexual abuse – Being touched in a way you do not want to be touched, hurt during sex, pressured into sex or forced to have sex when you do not consent. If any of the above apply to you or a friend, you can call these numbers: The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 for free at any time, day or night Men who are being abused can call Respect Men’s Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 or ManKind on 0182 3334 244 Those who identify as LGBT+ can ring Galop on 0800 999 5428 If you are in immediate danger or fear for your life, always ring 999 Remember, you are not alone. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will experience domestic abuse over the course of their lifetime. Every 30 seconds the police receive a call for help relating to domestic abuse. Comment now