I Knew I’d Face Certain Challenges at My Job. I Can’t Believe Who They’re Coming From.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years—so we’re diving into the Pay Dirt archives to share classic letters with our readers. Submit your own questions about money here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, I’m a 23-year-old woman, working my first professional job. My field overall has a mix of genders, but the company I work for is very male and white. I knew this when I took the job, but it’s also the highest paying and most prestigious opportunity I had, and I need to pay off private loans from college. I knew I would face sexism, and I mostly manage to ignore it or play dumb. What I didn’t expect was who would treat me this way. There’s one other woman on my team, “Caroline.” She’s in her 40s, and we’re in the same role (I’m a little advanced for my age but I’m also seeing this as a sign that women don’t get promoted here). She often puts me down in front of other people and is prickly to work with. Recently, management announced new plans for improving issues at the company. They are going to start a diversity, equity, and inclusion board. My manager told me that Caroline, me, and the six other white women that work at our location would be leading it. How do I push back against this? I don’t have the power to make change, there are no non-white people on this board, and I feel like I can’t try to team up with Caroline or other longer-term women here to push back. I don’t want to do unpaid work—I just want to stay here one more year for financial reasons and then go somewhere better. What do I do? —One More Year Dear One More Year, Your situation goes against every best practice for forming Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) boards. A company shouldn’t mandate that employees (especially only the underrepresented staff) sit on the board without asking for volunteers; DEI work shouldn’t be extra work without compensation, and the committee shouldn’t consist of low-level employees without the power to make organizational changes. Can you push back on the board assignment? If you think your manager will be receptive, try to tell them that you are concerned the committee will pull focus from [your main work priority] or emphasize you don’t have the expertise needed to lead a DEI initiative (check out these tips for turning down additional projects gracefully). If you don’t think you’ll be able to bow out of the board, then your first task as a DEI lead is to recommend that the company hire a professional DEI consultant to do an organizational analysis. Make that your primary goal for the year you remain at the organization. Emphasize that hiring DEI professionals, not untrained staff, is the best practice. —Lillian Karabaic From: My Boss Has Announced A Grand Plan For Improving Diversity In Our Office. Oh God. (February 27th, 2023). Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Pay Dirt, I am 37 years old and in the process of divorcing. Once assets are split, I will have about $275,000 in retirement savings, and $100,000 in a brokerage account (hopefully to be used as a down payment for a home in the future). Previously, I have maxed out all retirement options—401(k), Roth contribution, and HSA (I tend to be someone who panics about not having enough for retirement). Because of my divorce, my cost of living is going to significantly go up. Additionally, I know this first year of being on my own again is going to have some really emotional low points. Based on that, I’m thinking of reducing my retirement contributions for the year to the minimum needed to secure the employer match and then using the extra money to find a nicer apartment/have extra funds for the year. Is this a bad idea? I’m concerned if I do it one year, I’ll let it be the same the next year, and so on. But at the same time, I think it might be good for my mental health to make sure I’m not panicking about money/living in a crappy apartment when there are already going to be a lot of emotional moments. If I do reduce the savings for a year, how do I set myself up for success to start increasing savings again in the future? —To Spend or Not to Spend Dear to Spend or Not to Spend, Your plan makes perfect sense: temporarily ramping down your retirement contribution by accommodating a spendy year when your circumstances change significantly. Your nervousness indicates it probably won’t be permanent lifestyle inflation. When considering how you care for yourself during this emotional time, avoid signing up for any expensive ongoing commitments that exceed a year: Don’t lease a fancy car or sign a 22-month lease on a costly apartment. Plot out your expected take-home pay once you return to your old savings rate in a year, and make sure your fixed commitments (like an apartment) are manageable for your future budget even including retirement. Brainstorm smaller things you can do to treat yourself: nicer gym, fancier groceries, larger coffee budget, etc. Consider the one-time purchases you’ll need for your new place as well. If you don’t increase your recurring costs too much, you should be able to re-up your retirement contributions after 12 months from within your existing budget. If you’re anxious about it, set reminders for savings in the months leading up to your deadline. You can even ease yourself in by increasing your 401(k) withholding a few percentage points each month—by the end of the second year, you’ll be back to your old retirement savings with a subtly shifting normalcy. —L.K.From: My Boyfriend Is Perfect. Except For His Ideal Living Arrangement. (February 27th, 2023). Dear Pay Dirt, How do you encourage someone’s dreams when you’re afraid if they are truly dedicated to them, it’ll lead to financial and relationship ruin? I love my husband, we’re a great team, I think he’s a genius, but he also has severe ADHD. He’s been asking me why I start to panic when he starts talking about the hypothetical company built around his latest invention. He wants to know why I refuse to dream big when for most of our marriage I’ve been his biggest supporter.He only recently was diagnosed and before that, I handled the house and kids, worked so we made rent when he couldn’t keep a job, and pushed him to hold on when he nearly failed out of college. He says he’s started to avoid talking to me about this endeavor even though it takes up literally every spare minute of his time and he talks about nothing else. Getting medication saved our marriage since he could give us his attention, then he found a job that accommodates and builds him up (and pays the bills!), and he’s on track to finish school. It feels like we’re finally about to crawl out of exhausted poverty into a good life. I’m really scared of jeopardizing that. He thinks his dreams will get us to that good life. I think it’s better if he finds someone to pay him to invent things and let them handle the risks and taxes, payroll, etc. even if he loses the fame and a bigger slice of fortune. —Thinks a Mediocre Life Is Enough Dear Mediocre Life, I hear your frustration. ADHD affects all areas of your life, including your money management skills and ability to stay employed. Your husband getting an actual diagnosis was a significant step in fixing your finances, and you never want to go back. You’re right: Inventions can be hit or miss. Your husband could make a fortune or just continue to put cash toward a money sink. People with ADHD can be very creative but struggle with paying attention to the many small details required by patents and other paperwork. Inventing for a company through a work-for-hire contract can alleviate all that stress for him, but he’ll make much less than he could have done on his own (assuming his product was a hit).Sit down with him and explain that you believe he can be a successful inventor but don’t want to jeopardize your recent financial progress. Try saying, “I love you, and believe you can be a successful inventor. But inventions and starting a business require a lot of initial investment, which isn’t conducive to our current finances. How can we meet in the middle so I can help you support your dreams?” Besides working for a company, he could also take on an additional side gig to fund his business without the family incurring any other expenses. —Athena Valentine From: My Husband’s Absurd Career Dream Is Going To Ruin Everything. (March 3rd, 2023). Classic Prudie After we divorced, my ex-wife kept using my last name. We’d married young and her professional reputation was built with that name, so it made sense. It is a small town, so I’m occasionally asked if we’re related, but it’s not too bad. I’m going to be married to a woman who wants to take my last name and has a fairly unusual, culturally specific first name—think “Gretel.” So she’s now going to be Mrs. Gretel [Myname]. Except my ex has, apparently, recently changed her first name to Gretel too—so they’ll both have the same first and last name. 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