Eight ways to avoid holiday stress – and actually come home relaxed

There was a time, in the not-too-distant past, when going on holiday was a chance to escape from the stresses of life and truly switch off. You would often be unreachable; you couldn’t take your work with you, and you could be present and fully in the moment. Now, instead of a time to relax, recharge, and unplug, holidays have become coloured by the stress of planning, preparing and getting behind at work. It may take days to switch off, and you may find you’re only truly relaxed just in time for the journey home. Clinical psychologist Dr Tracy King explains why this happens: “We can’t expect a holiday to repair months of accumulated stress in the same way we expect a paracetamol to take away a headache. In fact, space and fewer demands can mean we experience more stress that was unable to be fully processed when we were in ‘firefighting mode’, batting away demand after demand of life.” Shorts Here, mental health experts explain how to avoid stress ruining your holiday, and how to arrive home less frazzled and more relaxed. Don’t expect to switch to holiday mode immediately Sarah Hodges, therapy network manager at Headspace, says one of the biggest misconceptions about a holiday is that we should feel relaxed the minute it begins. “Our nervous systems don’t work like a light switch, we need time to shift out of ‘doing’ and into relaxation mode. Instead of rushing to fit everything in, take a walk, unpack and simply let yourself arrive.” Another suggestion Hodges has may surprise you, especially if you’re used to documenting every moment of your break: “Try not to take a photo for the first 30 minutes after arriving somewhere new. We often shift to document the moment before we give ourselves the opportunity to truly experience it. Give your brain a chance to absorb it first; you’ll often feel more grounded and present.” Don’t overfill your days There is a temptation to try and maximise every moment of your time away, especially if you’ve spent a lot of money on your holiday. Still, King says, “Overfilled itineraries, pressure to make the most of every day and the pursuit of a perfect, photographable experience can reproduce the same urgency people hoped to escape. “A restorative holiday is not necessarily the fullest or most impressive one. It is the holiday that allows enough space for the nervous system to stop looking for the next demand.” Share the family workload Even healthy relationships can be strained on holiday, King says. “Couples and families may arrive with unexpressed ideas about how much time they will spend together, what counts as relaxation and who will carry the practical workload. Often there can be pressure for a holiday to make a relationship look perfect too, when being away from your routines can cause stress.” Dr Nick Zygouris, consultant clinical psychologist at Stronger Minds, says where two adults are travelling together with children, agree on responsibilities before arriving at your destination: “One might focus on the children while the other starts to unpack, before swapping. This prevents one parent from carrying both the mental load and the children’s emotional needs.” Create a scroll replacement If you want to take a break from doomscrolling and truly relax, Hodges says, “replace that habit with something equally easy, like people-watching over coffee, picking up a book or listening to local sounds for a few minutes. “Your brain gets the pause without disappearing into your feed. Most people don’t actually miss their phones; they miss the tiny mental breaks scrolling provides.” ‘Arriving in the early hours and returning immediately to work or school can reduce sleep, patience and emotional resilience,’ says Dr Nick Zygouris, consultant clinical psychologist Consider the true cost of the journey home The final day of your holiday may also be the most exhausting, so Zygouris suggests avoiding trying to fit in one more excursion, a late dinner, drinks and last-minute packing as these can leave everyone stressed before the journey home has even begun. And while we’re all trying to save money, that 11pm flight home that saves £20 a head is not always the lowest-cost option psychologically, says Zygouris: “Arriving in the early hours and returning immediately to work or school can reduce sleep, patience and emotional resilience. Where affordable, a daytime flight, a more direct journey or an extra day at home may better protect the benefits of the holiday.” Create a soft landing One of the biggest mistakes people make is planning every detail of the holiday but giving very little thought to the transition back into ordinary life, according to Zygouris: “We organise flights, accommodation and activities, but often fail to plan how we will move from holiday mode back into work, school, childcare, housework and everyday responsibilities.” Zygouris says the first 24 hours at home should contain fewer decisions and demands, not more. So prepare an easy meal, breakfast, clean bedding, towels, work or school clothes and transport arrangements before leaving. The aim is not a deep clean; it is to make life easier for your tired future self. Plan for children’s needs Children may return overtired, overstimulated or unsettled just as their parents’ patience and mental capacity are depleted. Zygouris says this can create a cycle in which tired children become more demanding, parents become less patient and the whole family becomes increasingly frustrated. “A familiar film, colouring, books, Lego, simple games, snacks and clean pyjamas can help children settle. They do not necessarily need more entertainment; they often need familiarity, structure, predictability and reassurance that normal routines are returning,” says Zygouris. Bring something restorative home If you’ve had a truly relaxing break, but find your stress levels rising as soon as you return to “normal” life, Zygouris suggests continuing one helpful element of the holiday, such as an evening walk, a slower breakfast, a screen-free meal or reading before bed. He says: “A successful holiday should not simply help people escape their lives; it should reveal what their ordinary lives may be missing.”