Does your relationship feel tired and a bit 'whatever'? TRACEY COX reveals 20 proven tricks you can do in 10 minutes to bring back that spark

Feeling bored with your partner? All relationships feel tired now and then.But if yours has been a bit 'whatever' for a while, pay attention. That distracted kiss, endless scrolling with no eye contact – it all takes its toll long-term.The good news is, introducing tiny new daily habits can dramatically improve how close you feel.Here's 20 research-backed tricks, each taking ten minutes or less, ranging from serious to silly but fun.Small things done frequently beat grand gestures hands down.Pick one new habit a week and see what happens. Once you feel it's going to stick, try another. All relationships feel tired now and then. But if yours has been a bit 'whatever' for a while, pay attention. Expert Tracey Cox (pictured) has 20 research-backed tricks, each taking ten minutes or less, to help bring back the spark Respond enthusiastically to their good newsHow you react when your partner tells you good news is more of a strong predictor of relationship health, than how you respond to bad news. 'When I got the promotion, my partner glanced up from his phone, said, 'That's good', then continued scrolling. We broke up soon after,' a 31-year old woman told me. Respond with enthusiasm ('Tell me everything!') and curiosity. Ask questions – lots of them.Vent if you're stressed but resist the urge to fixIt's great to offload and rant about what an awful boss you have but try to keep it to five minutes. If you're the one listening, the rules are simple: listen with full attention, sympathise but don't feel you have to offer a solution. All they need is to know you're on their side.Ask one of Arthur Aron's 36 questions The New York Times 'Modern love' column popularised this list of questions, designed in 1997 by the psychologist. Both of you take turns asking and answering each question out loud, which move from light-hearted to deeply personal (so ask in order). You could ask the lot over the period of an hour but instead do one a week. (Search and you'll find the list easily.)Thank your partner for the little things – and be specific Say, 'Thanks for emptying the dishwasher, I know you're busy' or 'I loved the way you handled my grumpy brother at lunch'. Specific praise tells your partner you noticed and aren't just saying it because you think you should.Watch films and shows about relationships and discuss afterwards One study found newlyweds who watched and talked about films about love had half the separation rate three years on. Why? It provides a safe way to discuss your own relationship without it feeling personal.Invent a private languagePet names, in-jokes, made-up words...the more the merrier, for your relationship. It builds that 'you and I against the world' feeling and creates strong bonds.Laugh on purposeEver noticed how one good laugh makes you want to laugh more. It's a habit.Endorphins make us feel happy and laughing creates more of them. Watch a comedy instead of a drama.Soften how you start important conversationsHow you begin largely predicts how it ends. 'I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything that needs doing. Can we talk about how you could help me?' lands very differently from 'You never help! I'm sick of it!'. Start kindly, describe how you feel rather than how your partner makes you feel and follow it with one clear request.Be the one to make upMake a joke, hug them, say 'Sorry I'm all stressy today'. It doesn't matter whose fault it was, the quicker you stop the silent feuding, the less damage is done.Kiss for six secondsYes, I have talked about this before. But it's such a simple, effective thing to do, it's worth drumming it home. Most couples 'peck' goodbye and hello. Instead, count to six with lips attached to make a real connection.Answer the 'bids'The 'bird test' went viral on Instagram and TikTok by turning solid research into a trick. The Gottman Institute discovered couples make 'bids' for each other's attention which are the building blocks for closeness. Couples who stayed together answered their partner's bids – a 'look at that!' or hand on their arm – 86 per cent of the time. Couples who split only managed to pay attention about a third of the time. The next time your partner wants to share something with you, look interested. Even if it is only a pigeon.Keep an eye on the 5:1 ratioThe Gottman's also found happy couples manage about five positive interactions for every negative one – even during arguments. This means saying, 'This doesn't mean I don't love you' when you're complaining about something. It also means making sure you plan nice times together if you're going through a rough patch to keep the balance.Do something newNovelty reignites closeness and attraction because new experiences feel exciting and we link that excitement to whoever we're with. A new walk, a new cuisine – it doesn't need to cost much.Put those damn phones downYou were waiting for that one, right? Having a partner who is constantly on their phone is now top of nearly all 'things I dislike about my partner' lists. It's incredibly insulting and links to lower relationship satisfaction. Introduce 10-minute phone free breaks into your time together.Touch moreThe more often you touch affectionately, the lower the stress and higher the closeness. A hug, holding hands even briefly, touching feet in bed, a shoulder rub. This is non-sexual touching, by the way, not a caress that you're hoping will lead to sex.Do something silly togetherRidiculousness bonds. One experiment had Velcro-strapped couples crawl across gym mats and push a foam cylinder with their heads. Those who did reported higher relationship satisfaction than couples given a dull task. 'Neither of us have a clue of how to dance but thought a salsa class might help,' one couple told me. 'We were so terrible, we got a fit of the giggles and got told not to come back. It was the most fun we'd had in years.'Retell the story of how you metCouples who recall it fondly tend to be more stable. Tell the full story when people ask and fill in more details when it's just the two of you. (Can you remember my exact outfit? Where had you been just before that?)Say 'we' not 'I'A 2009 study found couples who used 'we', 'us' and 'our' during conflict show more positive emotional behaviour and less stress. Swap, 'You always do this' for 'How do we fix this?'. You're a team not opponents.Have a weekly check inLots of therapists are fans of a ten-minute round up once a week. Share what's working well, say one nice thing about your partner and raise one small issue you think needs attention. This stops resentment festering because small gripes get aired before they turn into big ones.Gaze into each other's eyesA 1989 study found strangers who maintained eye contact for two minutes reported stronger feelings of affection and attraction afterwards than those who looked at each other's hands. Try it with the person you've been married to for 20 years. You'd be surprised how many long-term couples glance at each other rather than maintain intense eye contact.You'll find more info on Tracey's books, products and podcast on traceycox.com.