Burnham’s new environment minister is like putting Alan Carr in charge of the Army – farming will be extinct in 20 years

SO far, Andy Burnham hasn’t really told us what he intends to do with his time in Number 10. There’s been something about buses but no real detail on the important stuff at all. Seemingly, the only message he wants to get across is that he’s different to his predecessor, Sir Starmer. The only big worry for me right now is that Andy Burnham put someone called Angela Eagle in charge of the countryside Credit: Getty Putting her in charge of the countryside is like putting Alan Carr in charge of the Army Credit: Getty Well yes, but a geranium is different to Starmer. So is a dustbin lorry.It’s not difficult to be different. The important thing is being better. I don’t hold out much hope because he’s a socialist. He’s not an adenoidal wooden socialist like Starmer but he’s still well to the Left and that’s never going to work. But let’s cross our fingers and wait and see. The only big worry for me right now — and I’m talking with my farming hat on — is that he’s put someone called Angela Eagle in charge of the countryside. And so far, her only real claim to fame is that David Cameron once told her to “calm down, dear”. I’ve done some digging, though, and it seems she has never worked on a farm and has never run any kind of business. So putting her in charge of the countryside is like putting Alan Carr in charge of the Army. Or me in charge of the diplomatic service. And that’s no good. Action is needed now because farmers have reached the point where it is quite simply impossible to make money from growing food. This year, I have 200 acres on my farm where we grew nothing at all. We knew that if we planted it with wheat or barley, we would definitely make a loss. And next year, when the socialists slap a Net Zero carbon tax on fertiliser, things will be even worse. The only solution is to rent the land to a giant global agri-company, who will use it to grow plants that are used to power anaerobic digesters. Or install solar farms or a data centre. Or sell the whole farm to a Chinese company who’d build a multi-storey high-intensity piggery on it. The only solution to socialists slapping a net zero carbon tax on fertiliser will be installing solar farms or a data centre Credit: AFP Andy Burnham is different to Sir Starmer – but so is a geranium or a dustbin lorry Credit: Getty It’s the same story for farmers across the whole country, so you can kiss goodbye to our green and pleasant land. And if you want something for your tea tonight? Well, the Labourite mantra seems to be “let them eat avocado”. I’m not being ridiculous because, think about it: if you’d said to someone in ­Britain in 1926, that in a hundred years’ time almost all the factories would be gone, they’d have laughed in your face. Well, I’m here to tell you that unless Ms Eagle reverses the ferret and changes tack right now, there won’t be any ­farming in this country in less than 20. RIGHT ABOUT ARGIES BACK in 1966, the England manager Alf Ramsey described the Argentinian football team as “animals”. And anyone who watched their display in the final last weekend would say that nothing has changed. The kicking, the shoving, the diving and, after the game ended, the petulance and the violence. It was an appalling display, and many are saying the team should be excluded from future competitions. Well yes, but it’s not just the football team that’s the problem. Thuggery seems to be an issue that affects the whole damn country. As I know only too well. I know that after Top Gear was forced to flee from Tierra del Fuego in 2014, many back at home said we’d had it coming because the H982FKL numberplate on my Porsche was provocative. They said it was all our fault. And that the lovely people of Argentina were within their rights to lose their rag. No one believed that it was an accident. They said we’d done it on purpose and that it was understandable that a gang of pickaxe-wielding thugs should kick down the doors in our hotel, trying to find us so they could kill us. And understandable too that the film crew should be forced to escape across a river through a hail of rocks. Well, after that World Cup Final, you can see the sort of people we were dealing with. And you can also see why the Brazilians and especially the Chileans hate them. Along, I’m delighted to see, with the rest of the entire world now. Enough time has passed now for me to own up about the H982FKL plate. But I can’t. As countless BBC investigations found at the time, it was a complete accident. What in the World was that about? The half-time show during the World Cup was just so incongruous Credit: Getty I CANNOT not mention that “crap” half-time show at the World Cup Final. It was just so incongruous, having Madonna and Justin Bieber prancing about. It would be like going to an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical and finding that during the interval, the stage was being used to host a game of five-a-side. JAPAN WOKE WOES WE like to think that Japan is an eminently sensible country and that the culture of woke would never get any traction over there. It seems not, because in the recent hot weather, male office workers have been allowed to ditch their traditional suits and go to work in shorts. Fine? Nope. The move has enraged female office workers who are still expected to wear tights. But that’s not why they’re cross. No. They say they are offended by what they call “leg hair harassment”.Nope. Me neither. BEEB AD DWARFED BY GIANTS BBC had celebrities such as Claudia Winkleman, who fronts a show that was invented in the Netherlands, front their advert defending the licence fee Credit: PA IN 1985, the BBC ran an advert defending the £58 TV licence fee.John Cleese appeared in a pub, asking what the BBC has ever done for us. And we then discovered his fellow drinkers were the Two Ronnies, Attenborough, Steve Davis, David Jason, Alan Whicker, Mike Reid, Jimmy Young, Barry Norman, Michael Hordern and a host of other massive Beeb stars who pointed out there was radio, sport, current affairs, comedy, natural history, snooker, and God knows what else besides. Even Bob Geldof turned up to say the BBC had covered Live Aid. It was very impressive. Last weekend, they brought the idea back but instead of Cleese asking the question, we had a man who mostly appears on ITV and Sky. And he was answered by Chris Martin who has nothing to do with the BBC; the Daleks, which have been canned; Hey Duggee, which I’ve never heard of; and Claudia Winkleman, who fronts a show that was invented in the Netherlands. They rather answered the question for themselves. WE are told that after they were booted out of Downing Street, Keir Starmer and Rachel Reeves went to the pub for a few drinks. Really? After what they did to the hospitality trade, I’m surprised they found one that would let them in.