Alexandra Shulman's Notebook: 46 common things that would make my tea towel

Nicky Haslam, the 87-year-old interior designer turned arbiter of taste has just released his 2026 tea towel listing the things he finds common, including Diet Coke, the Hay Festival and beards. It has inspired me to compile a list of my own, one which no doubt many will disagree with. (A side note: the fact I have deemed these things common does not mean I don't indulge in them myself.)1. CommonI am sure Nicky would agree that the word 'common' is common and should be number one on the list.2. The Celebrity TraitorsAbsolutely everything about this reality TV series qualifies, from the over-the-top, garish dressing of the celebrity contestants to the manufactured drama. The exception is host Claudia Winkleman, who has turned her obviously common trademark appearance – orange skin, pale flesh lipstick and slick-as-cellophane hair – into such an artform that it is no longer common… on her. Celebrity Traitors presenter Claudia Winkleman poses with Romesh Ranganathan and Sebastian Croft after their win in the 2026 series of the show3. Colour co-ordinated bookshelvesThese are a surefire indication that the owner of the bookshelves has not read the books. Books may furnish a room, but they shouldn't be a cheap decorating device.4. Curated coffee table booksSimilar to the above. Large, expensive, picture books shouldn't be obviously displayed in an effort to show how culturally appreciative their owner is. They are acceptable if just plonked down any old how. And while I'm about it…5. 'Curated'Applied to anything other than art.6. Side partings on men7. WhatsApp GroupsToo much information invading your phone too often.8. HostingI know this inclusion makes me sound fuddy-duddy, but using the word, as in 'we're hosting tonight', when you've got a couple of friends coming over for supper is just ludicrous. It sounds as if you're trying too hard over something that should be casual.9. TablescapingTablescaping is the close relation of hosting. There is no need for one plate to be placed on top of another on the dining table. Dining tables are not meant to be a forum for showing off how much crockery you own. And table decorations are really only acceptable at Easter and Christmas… if you have to.10. BabyccinosHorribly twee.11. President TrumpNeed you ask? The White House ballroom, Mar-a-Lago, permatan, his Qatari jet… I could go on.12. Scatter cushionsThese are utterly pointless. They take up all the space on a sofa and are uncomfortable and inconvenient.13. Paved front gardens14. HikingYou are not hiking when you are simply taking a long walk in the countryside.15. SUVs in the cityThere is no reason for anyone to be tooling around town in a massive tank of a car. They may once have been thought of as status symbols, but now they’re simply thoughtless.16. IckLife was much more pleasant before people started to say ‘gives me the ick’ about anything they disliked in a mistaken attempt to sound trendy.17. Eating in the cinemaThis is a new and most unwelcome practice. I go to the cinema to watch a movie, not to hear people ordering a margarita and burger, which they then munch loudly throughout the film. If I want food served with my movies, I will watch them at home.18. Forever homesMakes them sound like funeral parlours.19. ‘Iconic’Surely the most misused adjective of the present day. The Virgin Mary is an icon; a handbag isn’t. Nor is an actress or any number of things that get attached to the word. Icons are meant to represent something more than themselves, not be used as part of a press release.20. Coloured notepaperOnly white will do for letter writing. Take a leaf from the Royal Family on this one.21. CupcakesAm I the only person who feels I’ve seen enough cupcakes to last me a lifetime?22. Coffee podsHas anyone ever had a cup of coffee made from a pod that’s better than one from a stovetop or cafetiere? Convenience should never trump taste.23. Hair extensionsThese are the definition of tacky and, unless put in by a master, look too obvious.24. Complaining about the weatherThis is surely the dullest topic of conversation and sadly one far too many resort to. Conversation is meant to be a discussion between people. If it’s cold outside, it’s cold outside. End of. There shouldn’t be anything more to say.25. Boiling water taps26. Matching family pyjamas27. Three-piece velvet sofa suitesThese are often used to denote aristo style, as in the blue ones provided by the prop department at Badminton House for TV series The Gentlemen. But they would never be found in today’s private country estates. Three-piece suites anywhere are pretty dismal and even if they are used in TV dramas, look more like the kind of thing that used to be found in a Harley Street waiting room.28. Padded gilets29. Annabel’sOnce the most glamorous nightclub in London; now more money than sense.30. Truffle crispsReady salted great, but pretensions to luxury absolutely not.31. Folding the edge of loo paperThe less attention paid to loo paper the better. Not just folding the edges – any kind of jokey wrapping is very bad news.32. Scented nappy bagsSo much worse than the smell they are meant to disguise.33. Box balls in window boxesBox topiary is intended to be used on a grand scale. Small balls in window boxes look as if they’re designed for Lego.34. Induction hobsInfuriatingly complicated to control for an upmarket kitchen appliance.35. BiscoffNobody could call these small slivers proper biscuits.36. The MaldivesOver-priced, over-subscribed and over-Instagrammed.37. Reform38. Tea stands used in hotel teas There’s no need to stack the food at tea. What’s the matter with a pretty plate?39. Calla liliesLook like plastic.40. Food intolerancesOnly those with serious allergies should inflict their food preferences on others. Anything else is bad manners.41. Designer dog coatsThe poor things shouldn’t have to get dressed as if they were on the catwalk.42. BackpacksThese are fine for travelling, but so far from chic when used on the daily commute.43. The CotswoldsSome of my best friends etc... but now it’s become the most common area of the country.44. Soho HouseToo ubiquitous, when once this members’ club was exclusive.45. Quitting the UK for tax reasonsNobody with real class would dream of becoming a tax exile.46. Strawberries in winter