You Can Be Your Career-Obsessed Friends’ On-Ramp To Motherhood

Births in the United States dropped to a new record low last year, according to data the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released this month. While population researchers tout the “policy success” of reducing teen pregnancies, the more important numbers concern births among the 20-and-up crowd. The only group to see a birth rate increase was 30- to 44-year-olds, in many cases with the assistance of ethically fraught artificial reproductive technology. Meanwhile, women in their peak fertility window birthed fewer children: In just one year, the birth rate for 20- to 24-year-olds dropped 6 percent and for 25- to 29-year-olds dropped 4 percent. Researchers say the data indicates more ladies are delaying motherhood until they feel “financially stable,” have finished earning their desired degrees, have achieved career success, or have gotten hitched — which is also happening later in life for many of the same reasons. A study last month from the Federal Reserve Bank of Atlanta presented similar findings, showing that this Gen Z, 20-something cohort is “dramatically less likely” to have and want children than older generations. The authors identify several relevant factors contributing to this problem, including “increased labor market opportunities and agency among women” and “changing priorities.” In other words, women are more concerned with careers than kids. An NPR write-up about the latest CDC numbers, for instance, cites three women in their late 30s and early 40s who prioritized “building careers and stable lives before becoming mothers.” One recounted how she froze her eggs to get “a little further along professionally.” There’s got to be more at play, however, than women simply loving their careers and relishing their increased job “opportunities and agency.” Research consistently shows this feminist dream is, at best, leaving women unfulfilled and, at worst, making them miserable. Compared to married parents with kids, who rank highest on a happiness scale by a long shot, single ladies without kids are quite unhappy. They don’t actually enjoy the childless corporate grind — so why are so many of them choosing it? Imagine this: There’s a woman in her early 30s who doesn’t yet have any children. She’s spent the past decade earning a college degree degree (and accruing the accompanying debt), realizing that degree was pretty much useless so adding a graduate credential (and even more debt), and then working her way up the career ladder from an internship to an entry-level role to a manager of sorts. There’s no baby on the horizon because there’s no husband on the horizon because her feminist proclivities cause her to repel marriageable men, whether she knows it or not. The hormonal birth control she’s been on since her teen-acne phase dulls her libido to the point that she doesn’t find them attractive anyway. Since moving away from the dating pool of her hometown young-adults church group to an unfamiliar city for work, she spends more time with coworkers or silent strangers on the subway than organically making conversation with male peers who share her worldview. Her singular income and student loan debt mean she can’t afford to settle down into a suburban house, but she earns enough to enjoy superficial luxuries such as daily lattes, brunch on the weekends, and international travel at regular intervals — habits she doubts she could live without. She wishes her parents would stop asking her about marriage and kids because don’t they understand she’s very successfully doing very important work that’s leaving her very fulfilled, thank you very much? You most likely know plenty of women who check many of these boxes. Maybe they want babies. Maybe they’re convinced they don’t. But they can’t “lean out” and change course because of what it would mean: that perhaps they chose poorly. It’s a sunk-cost fallacy where, because they’ve already invested X money in school, Y time in their career, and Z energy convincing themselves and everyone else that they’re happy, it would be a waste to, in their minds, throw it all away. And besides, imagine the egg on their face… That’s why they need an off-ramp to turn their backs on the lies of feminism and march confidently toward the tiny people who can actually make them happy. A new study shows how you can provide the permission structure they need. The Institute for Family Studies surveyed 10,000 people across 12 countries and found, among many other interesting things, that “baby nudges” from friends and family help move childless adults toward parenthood — especially when those nudges look like offering help or talking about how fulfilling babies are, rather than nagging or appealing to duty. “When people feel supported by friends, they desire, intend to have, and actually have more children,” the IFS study authors write. The same is true for would-be grandparents. “Believing one’s friends would celebrate a new baby is associated with a 10% increase in desired number of children and a 20% increase in the likelihood of intending to have another child, while parental encouragement to have children is associated with an 11% increase in desired number of children and a 30% increase in the likelihood of intending to have another one.” In other words, kids are awesome, and we should say so early and often. If you find yourself griping about the challenges of parenting more than sharing its joys, stop being part of the problem. Don’t scoff at large families. Throw baby showers, not just for first kids but for subsequent ones. Bring meals to busy families and offer childcare. Instill in your daughters a love for babies and hospitality, and consider alternatives to four-year college. Make sure your friends know that you’ll be there not only to celebrate marriage and parenthood but to lend a helping hand. “The extent to which individuals feel that their peers will celebrate and support their family plans may be a crucial part of how they make fertility decisions,” the authors write. Historically low birth rates signify not just fewer babies but less happiness. Do women a favor and remind them it’s not just OK to scrap a soulless path, it’s the best thing they could do. Kylee Griswold is the managing editor of The Federalist. She previously worked as the copy editor for the Washington Examiner magazine and as an editor and producer at National Geographic. She holds a B.S. in communication arts/speech and an A.S. in criminal justice and writes on topics including feminism and gender issues, religion, and the media. Follow her on Twitter @kyleegriswold. artartificial reproductive technologyBirth Controlbirth ratebirth ratescareersCDCCenter for Disease Control and Preventionfeminismfertilityfertility ratesGirlbossInstitute For Family StudiesIVFlow birth ratesmotherhoodNPRparenthoodparenting