Woke Baftas are just an ideological smokescreen for the Left – top show’s snub proves it

MONDAY was lesbian strap-on night at Channel 4’s Virgin Island. Not that it was sold to us as such, obviously. Greg Davies doesn’t need me to tell him he did quite a good job because he found himself uncontrollably hilarious Credit: Getty Lucy Punch and Philippa Dunne only put us out of our misery by saying ‘The nominees are…’ Credit: BBC Narrator Lucy Beaumont called it: “The fifth phase of the course. Playtime.” All the polite words in the world, though, couldn’t disguise the props we saw being brandished around or the truth of what was going on in Channel 4’s sex yurt, with Tegan and her “therapist” Risdon. Nor can they alter the details of something even more extraordinary that­happened on Sunday night. Virgin Island was up for a Bafta award in the Reality Show segment, which is just one of half a dozen categories that could be won by Clarkson’s Farm but has never even given the most brilliant and influential TV show of the decade so much as a mention. It’s a shameful omission that I hope tells you all you need to know about the sly political bias and manipulation of Bafta, which described itself, with a perfectly straight face, on the night as, “a celebration of proper telly”. A claim that couldn’t be more misleading, obviously. Sunday evening’s Baftas were a PR exercise and ideological smokescreen for the left-of-centre establishment hosted, amiably enough, by Greg Davies, who doesn’t need me to tell him he did quite a good job because he found himself uncontrollably hilarious. It was also one of those events where lots of celebrities were attempting to piggyback on the success of The Celebrity Traitors and Alan Carr. Most notably the show’s first casualty, Paloma Faith, who put herself front and centre in a ridiculous Napoleon hat that should’ve had her exiled to St Helena before Greg had finished his opening monologue. The thing about a long night, which starts with one thing that really annoys you is that, by the end of the show, you will very likely be left with a long list of things that have really annoyed you. And that’s exactly what happened with the Baftas. First and foremost here I’ve got to mention the contagion of bantering presenters, like Lucy Punch and Philippa Dunne, whose sarky back-and-forth is not done until the viewers are properly murderous and one of them finally puts us out of our misery by saying: “The nominees are . . .” Paloma Faith’s ridiculous Napoleon hat should’ve had her exiled to St Helena Credit: Getty Half a dozen categories could’ve been won by Clarkson’s Farm Credit: PA Then there are the decisions that, usually for woke reasons, are blatantly just wrong, like ITV’s bang-average Code Of Silence beating BBC One’s brilliant Blue Lights, in the drama category, and Best ­Current Affairs being won by C4’s Gaza: Doctors Under Attack, which told us exactly where it was heading the moment it called Hamas ­terrorists “militants”. Occasionally, of course, Bafta also gets things right, as it did with Celebrity Traitors (Best Reality), Last One Laughing’s Bob Mortimer (Best Entertainment Performance) and a little C4 gem called Hustle And Run, about Crufts, that won the Short Form category. The antidote to all the ills in television and the world, on Sunday, though, was meant to be Netflix drama Adolescence, which won four gongs. Personally, I think the acting awards for the outstanding Stephen Graham and Owen Cooper were both well ­merited. The rest of the production didn’t match Sunday’s OTT eulogies, though, because there is a big fat lie at the heart of Adolescence that’s still being used to demonise white ­working-class boys. Britain hasn’t suffered any incel murders committed by this ­demographic.Every woke fool Yet the show is treated, ­reverentially, by the establishment and referred to by almost every woke fool, including the PM — at time of going to press — Keir Starmer, as a “documentary”. Why? Because if politicians and TV didn’t distract us with lectures about phantom crimes, they might actually have to do something and make dramas about real ones, like Islamist terrorism and the tide of antisemitism that’s poisoning Britain at the moment. There is, however, about as much chance of television developing the courage and integrity needed to tackle those issues and stop treating white working-class boys as the cause of every problem as there is of Clarkson’s Farm sweeping the board at next year’s Baftas. And anyway, Virgin Island’s resident sex guru Dr Danielle Harel has just hosted a vibrator workshop, on the latest episode. So that’s 2027’s Best Reality Show award nailed on already. Unexpected morons in the bagging area TIPPING Point, Ben Shephard: “The Peterbald and Ragamuffin are breeds of what domesticated feline animal?” Barry: “A horse.” The Weakest Link, Romesh Ranganathan: “In customs, Movember is a month-long charity event in which people attempt to grow what type of facial hair?” Tomasz Schafernaker: “A beard.” Romesh: “In theatre, the musical & Juliet that premiered in the West End in 2019 is inspired by a tragedy by which playwright?” Shivi Ramoutar: “Hugo Boss.” BGT’S A JUGGLE FOR KSI KSI is a relative newcomer who seems genuinely taken aback by the sheer hopelessness of almost everyone Credit: PA OVER on ITV, the live semi-finals of Britain’s Got Talent continue to pass as quickly and enjoyably as the next kidney stone. A huge problem for all of us, but especially the judges who must pretend a Las Vegas miracle is unfolding, before them, every single week. Simon Cowell, Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon have been around long enough to lie fairly convincingly or praise the act’s “great energy” if they really stink. But KSI is a relative newcomer who seems genuinely taken aback by the sheer hopelessness of almost everyone. He tends to lose his thread as well and inadvertently provided Saturday night’s one moment of great uncertainty when he paused for thought while contemplating foot juggler Liwei Yang, flat on her back with her legs in the air. “I saw the size of that thing and when I saw what you were going to do with it, I, I . . . ” Wondered if it was registered as a landfill site? Thought about having a colonoscopy? Booked a fortnight’s holiday in Bangkok? No, he simply, “couldn’t believe it”. And with that, the excitement was over for another week on a show where the basic problem is over-familiarity and the endless parade of foreign ringers, tedious dance troupes, random Japanese crackpots and smart-arse illusionists. Although I couldn’t fault the scale of Fraser Penman’s ambition at his audition. “Tonight, Simon,” he promised, “I’m seeing into your soul.” Yeah? Well you’ll have to find it first, Fraser. Random irritations EPIDEMIC political use of the word “psychodrama”. BBC One’s Chris Mason shouting stupid questions at people in Downing Street. The insufferable self-satisfaction of ho-hum comedian Munya Chawawa. The crushing certainty that we’ll all be seeing a LOT more of Martin Lewis’s Bafta trophy. And the pox of former MasterChef contestants like Tony Rodd, who reappeared on the show this week wearing a huge cravat and declaring: “I got ‘FOOD’ and ‘WINE’ tattooed on my knuckles for a reason.” “ BELL” and “END” didn’t quite fit? TV gold Israel’s Noam Bettan sailed through to the Eurovision final Credit: Getty THE reliably excellent Daniel Mays creeping the hell out of everyone on ITV’s Believe Me drama. Israel’s Noam Bettan sailing through Tuesday’s semi to the Eurovision final with the sort of dignity that’s way beyond the country’s noisiest haters. BBC Two’s deeply moving Children Of The Blitz documentary. Virgin Island nerds Ed and Jason breaking off the show’s bondage lessons to play Battleships. And Greg Davies introducing last year’s People’s Award winners, Chris McCausland and Dianne Buswell, at the Baftas: “When I asked Chris what the secret of their Strictly success was, he tapped his nose and just whispered three words: ‘I. Can. See’.” Great sporting insights SKY’S James Savundra: “He’s gone five goals without a goal.”Paul Merson: “Coventry have been a fresh of breath air.” And Kevin Gallen: “If players are young enough and old enough, they’re good enough.” (Compiled by Graham Wray) Lookalike of the week German Chancellor Friedrich Merz and Mr Mackey from South Park Credit: Supplied THIS week’s winner is German Chancellor Friedrich Merz and Mr Mackey from South Park. Sent in by Toony, of Sawbridgeworth, Herts. GREAT TV lies and ­delusions of the week. Saturday Night Live, Hannah Waddingham: “I’ve been watching this cast absolutely kill it every week.” The Way Out, David O’Doherty pointing at Nish Kumar: “This is one of the UK’s most respected ­satirists.” Where? And Knut: The Viking Emperor, historian Tim Bolton: “Knut is one of the great medieval success stories. What he does we have no words for.”Yes we do. He’s a clever Knut. INCIDENTALLY, even if you hate Eurovision, I’d like to point you in the direction of Greece’s entry Ferto which is performed by a demented little Mr Claypole lookalike called Akylas who’s dressed like the Madame Jojo’s version of Tony the Tiger and could yet go on to become the most politically significant at this year’s contest. Because if they think they’re getting the Elgin Marbles back after that assault, I have news for Greece. SYCOPHANT of the week. MasterChef, Jack: “I’m really excited to meet Anna and Grace. I honestly would be chairman of the Grace Dent Fan Club.” And along with Grace, 100 per cent of its membership.