Will Andy Burnham’s decisions be any better if he’s holed up in No10 North? No. What a fabulous waste of taxpayers’ cash

ANDY BURNHAM was only in power for two weeks before he went on holiday and, obviously, that wasn’t long enough to explain in any great detail what he plans to do. So far, all he’s told us is that he likes football and beer and that he intends to set up a new power base in Manchester which will be called Number 10 North. So far, all Andy Burnham has told us is that he likes football and beer and that he intends to set up a new power base in Manchester, called Number 10 North Credit: POOL/AFP via Getty Images Somehow we are in a country that doesn’t have enough money to mend its potholes, but there is enough cash to build a swish new palace up North Credit: PA Hmmm. I wonder if that’s a good idea. Obviously it will cost many lumps of our money to ­create this ecky thump outpost, and even more will have to be spent on train fares every day shipping people to and from ­London. And to what end? Will decisions taken in the North be different to those taken in the South? Will they be better? To answer that, it’s sensible to look at what happened when the BBC did a similar thing 15 years ago. Back in 2011, they announced that a huge number of their radio and TV shows would now be made in Salford. But the man put in charge of encouraging staff to relocate decided that he himself would be staying in London. They were very diligent about the decision, though. When I pitched the idea of doing a farming show to a BBC commissioner way back when, he only had one question about it: “Where would it be produced?” I told him London, and he said: “Well, we don’t want it then.” It’s still going on today. There was an awful brouhaha recently when it emerged that for two days every week Naga Munchetty would be hosting her Salford-based 5 Live morning show from . . . London. But do you care about that? I’m not sure I do. All I can say for sure is that I bet the guests on her show will be quietly thrilled that they don’t have to drag themselves to Euston Station at crikey o’clock in the morning. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? is made in Salford. And do you think the people of the North West are proud of that? Do they even know? We all know what’s going on here. Big political operations like the Government and the BBC think that if they have some offices in Manchester, people in the North will feel included. But I’m from Yorkshire so actually, I have a deep distrust of anything made on the drizzly side of the Pennines. Let’s not forget that until TVR came along, the only car made in Lancashire only had three wheels. Number 10 North then might please the people of Manchester, but it will annoy people in Leeds and Newcastle and Norwich and everywhere that isn’t Manchester. It certainly annoys me because here we are in a country that doesn’t have enough money to mend its potholes or keep convicted murderers in jail. But somehow there is enough cash to build a swish new palace up North. Where was this decision taken? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. I’ve made some of the best decisions of my life while ­sitting on the lavatory. And some of the worst while lying in the sunshine by an Italian swimming pool. The Government has its headquarters. It doesn’t need another one. STELLA JOB ON ADVERT This week Stella Artois took out a full-page newspaper advert – in The Times no less – to tell everyone that beer is great I AM not ordinarily given to singing the praises of a rival brewer but credit where credit’s due: This week Stella Artois took out a full-page newspaper advert – in The Times no less – to tell everyone that beer is great. It pointed out that when someone says “let’s grab a beer” it means so much more than drinking a cold one. They argued, quite rightly, that it’s an invitation to talk, to celebrate, to reconnect. Or maybe have a moan about your boss. And they went on to say that all this magnificence comes from just four simple ingredients. Hops. Barley. Yeast. And water. They concluded by saying “here’s to a future with more”. But that’s going to be a problem, I’m afraid, because thanks to the Government’s weird hatred of anyone with a field, British farmers planted a lot less barley than usual this year. And thanks to the heatwaves and drought, up to two-thirds of it is not good enough to be malted. It’s nothing more than hen food. FLIES? MUCH MORE SCARY THINGS COME OUT OF SKY Brits are moaning at the absolute plague of persistent flies… but for God’s sake, they’re not German bombers FEW things in life are as irritating as a persistent fly. I can hear one now, pointlessly whizzing about and crashing into the windows, and I just know it won’t be long before it decides to have a look in my ear. This summer, there’s an absolute plague of the damn things. Doubtless global warming is to blame. Or Donald Trump. But whatever, I’ve been very busy with the sprays and my electric table tennis bat that nukes them. What else can you do? Well, it seems that the answer to that is “moan”. In Congleton, a town in Cheshire, one woman has started a petition, calling on the council to take some kind of action. She says the toll the flies place on her daily life is “tremendous”. Diddums. One of her neighbours says: “Imagine never being able to open your doors or windows.” What??!!? It’s Congleton, love, not Bhopal. Others, meanwhile, say that children cannot play outside and one is actually selling her house and moving because there are too many flies in it. Where’s she moving to? I hope it’s Australia. Then she’d learn what a real swarm feels like. What the bloody hell has happened to this country? They’re flies, for God’s sake not German bombers. Yes, the noise they make is annoying but it’s nowhere near as annoying as the noise made by people who go all to pieces at every little thing. HOW TO FRY MY BRAIN While listening to the extremely excellent Professor Hannah Fry on her science podcast, I discovered that the lithium-ion batteries in your electric car are basically useless Credit: Getty IT’S not often I’m stopped dead in my tracks by a fact, but while listening to the extremely excellent Professor Hannah Fry on her science podcast this week, I discovered that the lithium-ion batteries in your electric car are basically useless. Hannah explained that firewood produces quite a lot of energy, around 16 megajoules per kilogram. Olive oil is even better. You get 37 from that and 39 from your belly fat. Petrol is pretty much the king though, churning out a whopping 47. Whereas the amount of megajoules per kg you get from the lithium-ion batteries in your beloved Tesla is – wait for it – less than one. I’m surprised the damn thing has enough energy to even start in a morning. I’VE missed Rod Liddle’s column these past few weeks and now I shall have to get used to missing them for ever. It won’t be easy. RIP Rod. DVLA’S LOST ITS ED SO, Ed Sheeran has been fined because someone at the DVLA noticed his Aston Martin is uninsured. Well yes, but it’s a classic Aston and for the last five years it’s been in pieces in a workshop while engineers convert it to run on batteries. So he couldn’t possibly have driven it. Which means insurance was unnecessary, surely? But that’s not the weird part of this story. The weird part is that someone at the DVLA actually noticed. Which I bet they wouldn’t have done if it had been stolen. Seriously, I bet a thief could have parked it in their reception area, and everyone would have walked past without batting an eyelid.