Why the school holidays feel so stressful for parents – and how to make them easier

Although many of us look forward to summer, for many parents and carers it can be a very stressful time, with school holidays requiring a careful balance between work and childcare. By the time the autumn term starts, we may feel a sense of relief as the pressure lifts slightly. You may think it is obvious why we get stressed – there is just too much to do! However, there are other reasons why we have extra layers of stress. If we become aware of these, we can begin to take care of ourselves a bit more and choose how we want to respond rather than react. Shorts Let’s look at the main sources of school holiday stress: 1. Change of routine In term-time, everyone in the family gets used to an expected routine: you wake up at a set time, the children have to be ready by a certain time, and the school runs bookend the day. Our brains love habits and schedules because we have fewer decisions to make when we follow a routine; those activities become automated and free up our cognitive reserves, energy and time, which we can use for other choices we need to make. When we change habits or lack routine, that part of our mind can feel disorientated or even anxious. We search around for another structure and aspects of certainty but cannot always find it. Our anxiety, stress and cognitive load increases. Understanding the science and physiology behind this can help us to become more aware of it. Multi-tasking makes us less efficient (Photo: MoMo Productions/Getty/Digital Vision) 2. Too much multi-tasking Our brains are unable to do too many things at once. Research has shown that when we try to multi-task we are less efficient, make more mistakes and get tired more quickly and more easily. When we try to work while looking after children – and facing multiple questions or requests for snacks while trying to complete a spreadsheet – it can feel as if our brains are fried by the end of the day. It is helpful to recognise this, so that even if we cannot reduce our workload or change things, we can at least be aware of the need to take a breath and be more compassionate towards ourselves. 3. Children’s behaviour It is not just adults who are affected by school holidays. Children’s sleep routines and schedules can be tricky to adhere to if they have a less rigid wake-up time, they may lack physical activity or mental stimulation during the day, and they may also feel lonely or bored because they miss their friends or being part of shared events. 4. Unrealistic expectations Unrealistic expectations can affect the whole family. Parents may expect too much of themselves and try to squeeze in too many activities, make too many structured plans, spend too much on the “best” activity going, or berate themselves if they are not “keeping up” with other families. In the same way, children may sometimes think that every day is going to be exciting and filled trips and activities, especially if their friends are telling them what they’re doing. 5. Guilt and perfectionism At some point in the school holiday, Parents and carers may feel as if they are “failing”. That is only natural, and yet the feeling is often misplaced and stems from a desire for perfectionism. If you are getting irritable or trying to over-compensate, ask yourself why. What is your brain telling you that you are failing at? Are those thoughts based on evidence, or are there layers of self-sabotage and unjustified self-criticism? If your children are safe and feel loved, you are doing more than enough. Children don’t need expensive or complicated activities (Photo: Catherine Delahaye/Getty/Digital Vision/POUR TOUTE UTILISATION) Sometimes, in an attempt to banish some of these sources of stress, you may have a tendency to pressure yourself to work harder and try harder, to spend more money (which will only make you more stressed), or to overcompensate and just burn out. I am here to tell you to do the opposite; children and their brains are innately wired to respond positively to simple, low-cost or free, low-energy activities. So, why not try some of these instead over the school holidays? 1. Give them a purpose Children respond well when they have a goal to achieve or a reason for doing something. Think of age-appropriate activities they could try – maybe sorting through their old clothes for a charity shop donation, collecting a few things for a food bank, drawing a picture for a care home’s residents, or making a card for a neighbour or relative. They could go litter-picking with you and see how full a bag they can collect, or sort through any unwanted books to donate to a library. 2. Let them use their imaginations Too many modern activities take away a child’s ability to use their creativity and sense of wonder. Imagination helps children to develop problem-solving skills and critical thinking, as well as expressing their emotions and building social skills. They may want to create some “story stones” where they paint pictures of words or characters on pebbles and, as they pick one up, they can tell a story. They could create a scrapbook of ideas about something they love, paint, draw, craft, read a story or make a den indoors or out. Get outside and into nature (Photo: MoMo Productions/Getty/Digital Vision) 3. Get outside Research tells us that nature calms children, inspires them and physically tires them out, as well as improving sleep and emotional regulation. Go for walk in nature and create a wildlife trail or a scavenger hunt. They could create a photo story of their journey. 4. Use their senses When children engage their senses, they concentrate better, have more focus, and become calmer. Try getting them to listen to an audiobook, or a piece of music. Let them look out of the window and point out 20 things they can see. Let them play with different materials to craft or make something. Pick flowers that they can smell. 5. Allow them to be responsible Children generally respond well if you give them a role or a function. If they are old enough, ask them to prepare or help cook a family meal, or bake something delicious. You could also encourage them to do a bedroom refresh and tidy: get them to think about how they want their room to look, and how they would design or decorate it. If they are old enough, they may even be interested in cleaning or washing something. You might just be surprised!