Why leaving your husband and children at home to holiday alone is the secret to a perfect break

As the sun rose above the ancient temple of Angkor Wat in Cambodia, its ornate towers silhouetted against the brightening dawn, I felt my heart soar. It was a moment of pure delight that most people would surely want to share with a loved one. But I was all alone, backpacking solo in south-east Asia – and I couldn’t be happier.I breathed a deep sigh of contentment and watched the rosy sky turn golden.This solo adventure two years ago wasn’t during a gap year after school or university. Neither was it a post-divorce journey of self-discovery a la Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I was 52 and a happily married mother of four, yet here I was, in the middle of a month spent travelling by myself across Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand.Since then I have visited Krakow, in Poland, and toured Auschwitz alone, and most recently spent a month solo in Guatemala, Mexico and Colombia.When it comes to holidays, I firmly believe that hell is other people. With the summer in full swing, you may shortly be heading off to sandy beaches, azure pools and bottomless cocktails – and I hope you have a wonderful time, but the truth is, you may well not. The reality rarely lives up to the fantasy – not if you have children anyway.Family holidays are more like a military exercise than a break. From trying to entertain toddlers in baking heat next to an unguarded pool, to attempting to find something to do or see that teenagers won’t moan about, it’s never the relaxing break parents crave.Going away with my girlfriends isn’t much better. My annual trip with four school mums starts with a fraught WhatsApp chat wrangling over first destination and then flights and accommodation. Not easy when some have champagne tastes and others like to save the pennies.Then there are the tense negotiations about whether we go to art galleries or out clubbing, whether we take a taxi or public transport and whether it is acceptable to crack open the prosecco before noon. Actually, I tell a lie; we are all agreed on the last one – there’s no such thing as too early for fizz on holiday. Ursula Hirschkorn went backpacking in south-east Asia, exploring Cambodia during her solo adventure two years ago The then 52-year-old visited the ancient Mayan citadel of Tikal in Guatemala, exploring the ruins at this UNESCO World Heritage site Family holidays are more like a military exercise than a break, says Ursula, adding that the trip is 'never the relaxing break parents crave'I can’t believe it took me 50 years to work out the secret to a great holiday: Going it alone. Trust me, it’s the only way to get some peace.It wasn’t something I had considered before. Solo travel felt like something you did as an intrepid youngster, with a back strong enough to carry your bag and standards low enough to accept sleeping in a hostel bunkbed.But then came my very own annus horribilis in 2024. My sons, Jacob, now 22, Max, now 20, and twins Zach and Jonah, now 17, were growing up fast and I could feel the empty nest looming.My husband hated his job and had been depressed for the past couple of years. My ageing parents needed help, not least with moving my father into a care home after a fall, which is a miserable and stressful experience.My mental health was suffering, which led to me losing my six-figure job in the City, as a director in an insurance company. Not ideal when you’re the main breadwinner. I was close to rock bottom.That’s when I decided that I needed to escape. When I booked my ticket to Hanoi, I paid on Avios I’d built up through work and splurged on a business-class return. I was utterly terrified at the prospect.I had never been anywhere alone, and I was used to my husband handling all the logistics of our travels. Honestly? I wasn’t sure I could handle the trip alone – and yet I knew I had to get away.Most of my friends were horrified when I told them my plan. They would never leave husbands and children to fend for themselves while they went off on a jolly, they insisted.Some thought the whole idea was terrifying or just didn’t like the idea of so much time alone, but I know others were secretly very envious too.The trouble is so many married mums in their 50s lose their sense of self and a lot of confidence along with that. I know I had.After years of worrying about their children, that anxiety seeps into their identity and everything can become frightening. We also believe it is our job to hold the fort and keep everything together, convinced that without us the whole family will fall apart.Being asked repeatedly why I wanted to travel alone also made me feel like a bad wife for leaving my husband behind. It took me 50 years to work out the secret to a great holiday: Going it alone, writes Ursula Ursula says at first she wasn’t sure she could handle the trip alone – but knew she had to get away after her annus horribilis in 2024In fact, to a person, everyone I told then immediately asked me what my husband thought of it – as if I was either rejecting him or required his permission to go. I don’t think this would have happened if he been the one proposing a big solo trip.I did wonder if it meant I loved him a bit less because I was so desperate to do something for myself rather than as half of a couple. But in fact it was only his unwavering reassurance that got me on to the plane.He understood that after years of coping with his depression, along with being a full-time working mum, I deserved this time for myself.He also knew what a blow losing my job had been to my self-confidence and that it was important to prove to myself that I was still a strong, capable woman.That isn’t to say I didn’t feel guilty leaving him behind. I’d been away for work in the past, but never for as long as a month.At the airport, I was shaking as I walked through security. I almost turned around and went home. By the time I landed in Vietnam it was all I could do to get to my hotel. Immediately I called home – and then shed a few tears.It took me a few days to get into the swing of solo travel. The hardest thing was eating out. I had never eaten in a restaurant alone and I felt very self-conscious, but I grew to love sitting there with a book, surreptitiously people-watching. The most delicious thing about solo travel is that there is only one person you have to please – yourself.Getting up when I wanted to, only doing the things I wanted to do and eating when and where I wanted was delightful. The other huge upside was meeting new people. When you are with friends or family it’s hard to get chatting to strangers. When I am on my own, I meet all sorts.On my recent trip to Latin America, I teamed up with a gay physio from LA to hike a volcano in Antigua; shared cocktails with two septuagenarians in Mexico City, who told me tales of being career women in the 1980s; and ate tacos with the wife of one of the most famous scriptwriters in the US.In Cambodia I was bought dinner by a Chinese entrepreneur who had befriended a Japanese divorcee I’d met on my tour of Angkor Wat. And in Vietnam I went kayaking with a Scottish nurse who was the same age as my eldest son. I would never have had these adventures with the family in tow. It took me a few days to get into the swing of solo travel and the hardest thing was eating out – I had never eaten in a restaurant alone, writes Ursula Ursula says getting up when she wanted to, only doing the things she wanted to do and eating when and where she wanted was delightfulComing home was a shock. Of course I had missed my husband and family enormously, but I’d got used to only taking care of myself. At home I was instantly back into the grind of caring for a large family.I also felt a bit put out by the way everyone had coped so well without me. There was a part of me that was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t as pivotal to the functioning of the family as I’d imagined.Then again that did make me feel much more confident about booking more solo adventures, as I’d proven they could all manage without mum.While I am a huge convert to solo travel, I do still take trips with the family. In fact, I think it has made me more determined to share my travel addiction.I took my husband and twins, Zach and Jonah, to Malaysia in 2025. It was so rewarding to make memories together. Now Zach and I share the dream to become one of the teams on the TV show Race Across The World.That said I believe that solo travel should be dispensed on the NHS for every mid-life married mum. It’s better than all the HRT and therapy in the world to boost your confidence and remind you how strong you are. I am evangelical about it.After all the sacrifices we have made, we deserve to have some adventures and I promise you they are all the more delightful when they’re enjoyed alone.