Why Bek Condello left a doomsday church at 27

Growing up, Bek Condello never imagined she would get old.She believed God would return to Earth at any minute and normal life would be over.It was a belief instilled in her from childhood — if you sinned, you were damned.Warning: This article includes references to childhood sexual assault."I just grew up with this mortal fear of God returning to the Earth at any point, and if I hadn't prayed properly this morning, I might burn in hell for all of eternity," she told triple j hack.Bek grew up as part of the Geelong Revival Centre (GRC), a strict Pentecostal doomsday church that some former members have described as a cult.The church was established in 1972 and placed a strong importance on members being baptised and speaking in tongues.Allegations of abuse at the GRC resulted in a government inquiry into religious coercion in Victoria, to which Bek made a submission. The ABC has previously been told by leader Brian Griggs that no coercive control is involved in the church, and that people were free to choose to follow its teachings or not."I was born into [the church]," Bek told triple j hack. "My parents joined in their early 20s. My mum was only 19."It was very closed off to the outside world."So anyone, even if you told me you were Christian, you were going to burn in hell because you weren't coming to our very specific church."Growing up in a doomsday 'cult'Bek says she grew up fearing her parents.She said in the church, physical punishment was considered normal and would be justified through scripture."The more you hit a child … the more you were kind of guaranteeing their place in heaven," she said."I talk … about how my dad used to go around and shut all the windows in the house so that the neighbours wouldn't hear me screaming when he hit me."I can't imagine being a mum and hearing your children being hit and not having some kind of like emotional response to that."Condello says she only has a few photos of herself as a child because she was cut off by her family after leaving. (Supplied)Bek was homeschooled until the age of 10 and was not allowed friends outside the church."I had to pray twice a day, half an hour in the morning, half an hour at night, and … it was expected that I would just eventually become a young wife and mother," she said.Friends, dating and getting marriedPeople in the GRC are not allowed to date anyone outside of the church.Bek said many girls would end up marrying the first boy they ever dated.She was on the verge of leaving the church when she met the man who is now her ex-husband."I decided that my parents were never going to just let me leave," she said."So I decided to write a letter and make up a lie that I'd slept with someone."I thought if I tell them I've had sex with someone, I'm going to get kicked out of the cult for at least two years. That was the expulsion for sinning."People who leave the GRC are often cut off from family and friends within the church.But meeting her ex gave Bek the impression she could have a life without leaving everyone behind."He had to ask his dad and his pastor, and my dad and my pastor first, before anyone could even ask me what I wanted," she said.Getting married was not what she wanted, but it was a way to gain independence.She told triple j hack she was filled with anxiety on her wedding night."I was just so monumentally unprepared for sex, but I felt this pressure … it's our wedding night, we have to sleep together, and we tried to have sex, and it just felt so painfully impossible," she said.Deciding to leave the churchBek was 27 when she finally decided to leave the GRC.The decision came after her now ex-husband questioned church pastors about allegations of abuse within the church.She told him she believed she was abused as a child during conversations about their sex life, but did not want him to speak to anyone at the church about it."This was probably one of the worst times in my life," she said."He basically said to me, 'I want to take what happened to you as a kid to the pastors and use that as evidence that the church is flawed,' and I was like, 'absolutely not.'"Condello details her experience in the Geelong Revival Centre and life after leaving the church in her book Can You Handle a Girl Like Me? (Supplied)After an argument with his parents about the church, Bek's ex-husband confronted the pastors about her alleged abuse."I had a full meltdown, the ground just like opened up underneath me … I felt so exposed, so betrayed, so upset," she said.Bek said the church investigated her allegations without speaking to her, and determined she was lying. She says her ex then also questioned her allegations. "I called bullshit on the whole thing because I'd been told my entire life that these pastors heard directly from God and God knew everything, but I know I'm telling the truth."The experience gave Bek the confidence to leave. "I was like, 'OK, I'm not going back.'"triple j hack is not accusing current or former church members of perpetrating any abuse or failing to report any abuse.Life outside the churchBek remained married for five years after leaving the church.She has not heard from her family inside the church since deciding to leave."I wrote my mum a letter a couple of months later, and I explained to her what had happened, and I'm fairly sure she either wouldn't have read the letter, or she would have just handed it straight to one of the pastors," Bek told triple j hack."She wouldn't have wanted to put her own soul at risk."I think it's sad for multiple reasons. I think she's missing out, not just on my life, but she's also missing out on her life. I don't think she will ever leave."Condello says she has visited 23 countries in the past year. (Supplied: Bek Condello)It has been more than a decade since Bek decided to leave the GRC. In that time, she has built a life filled with love and community. In her book Can You Handle A Girl Like Me? she talks about finding herself in her thirties."I got to create this life that isn't really bound by anyone else's expectations or idea," she said."I have this life that is incredibly full. I feel really loved. I have so many anchors all around the world."I have places where I belong. I have people who have shown up for me as family and parents in a way that my own family and parents never did or could."I feel blessed."