Why are some people universally liked? Researchers found they share the same personality trait.

Some people seem to get along with everybody. They make friends while sitting at the bar, have a nice conversation with the gas station attendant, and make a great first impression. What makes them so comfortable around other people? Is it natural charisma, good looks, or a warm smile? According to a study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, they all share the same trait: interpersonal warmth. Psychologists define interpersonal warmth as a combination of qualities, which include friendliness, trustworthiness, kindness, and a sense of positive intentions. The interesting thing about interpersonal warmth is that it’s paradoxical. If you express warmth when you meet someone new, they are more likely to like you. If you are reticent to express warmth, for fear of rejection, the other person is less likely to like you. The big takeaway is that in social actions, you get back what you put out there. More likable people consistently approach others as if they will be liked, and their assumption is often confirmed. People talking at a house party. Photo credit: Canva Warm personalities are more likable The researchers discovered how interpersonal warmth works by studying people introducing themselves on video and rating them for how warm, confident, and likable they appeared. They also studied men who approached an attractive woman after receiving a positive social cue. In both situations, the same pattern emerged: those who expected rejection were rated less likable, and those who expected acceptance came off as warmer and more likable. Woman laughing. Photo credit: Canva Unfortunately, this works against people who put up their guard because they fear rejection. When you meet people in a defensive posture, you’re more likely to be rejected, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People have good reasons to protect themselves when meeting new people, whether it’s trauma or they’re socially uncomfortable; however, that approach perpetuates the problem. Likable people, like people The reciprocal nature of interpersonal warmth mirrors research by Albert “Van” Sloan, who studied 2,437 high school students to find the trait that makes certain kids popular in school. After asking students to list the people they liked, the researchers found that the most popular people also liked the most people. “Learn how to like,” communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards, who reviewed the study in her book, Captivate, shared on The Dan Buettner Podcast. “In fact, be free with your likes. The most popular kids were the ones who were first likers. In other words, they walked down the hallway, and they say, ‘Hey, Dan. Hey, Sarah. Hey, Joy.’ They’re the ones who walk into a class and be like, ‘Hey, you want to sit with me?’ They are inviters. They are likers. They are looking for good. And in that way, I think that we can train ourselves to be more likable by searching and hunting for likes.” Ultimately, it comes down to approaching people with warmth, kindness, open ears, and an open heart. That may not come naturally to everyone, but if you can muster the confidence to approach people like they’re already friends, chances are you’ve probably just made a new one.