When I left Ireland, I hated how everyone seemed to know each other. Now it’s what I love

After two decades of living in the United States, my definition of what my home actually is has become quite complicated. In the weeks leading up to a trip to Cork or Limerick, I tell my friends in the US that I am heading home soon. While in Ireland, I will refer to North Carolina as home. It’s taken quite some time for me to be comfortable holding both these thoughts in my head. I moved to Boston in the spring of 2004. A planned 18-month stay soon became three years, then marriage and children, mortgages and green cards and, finally, citizenship eight years ago. Living in Boston and being Irish can be interesting – and somewhat exhausting. Dozens of Irish bars, GAA clubs and a strong Irish diaspora mean one can feel very connected to Ireland much of the time. Many locals love nothing more than discussing their Irish roots with an actual Irish person. READ MOREBut I moved because I had desperately wanted to leave Ireland. So for a long time I tried to separate myself from all of this Irishness. I wanted to become more Americanised and experience the multicultural side of Boston with my new friends from around the world.I was happy experiencing my new home. I worked as a landscaper, driving a pickup truck surrounded by Americans all day. I refined my Clare accent so I could be more easily understood on the phone by customers. Every now and then I would nod to my heritage: giving my children Irish names and playing with a strongly Irish soccer club. But city life is tough with three young children, Boston snow and a small apartment. After 10 years in the city, it was time to leave. We moved 1,000km south to the warmer climes of North Carolina.The college town of Chapel Hill was a big shift. For the first time since arriving in the US, people didn’t recognise my accent or think I was Scottish or South African. Here there’s not an Irish bar on every street, and being Irish doesn’t immediately endow me with a kind of celebrity status.But our new suburban southern life quickly felt like home, thanks to great new friends and neighbours. And in a weird way I have felt more aware of and more proud of being Irish than I ever was in Boston. The college town of Chapel Hill, North Carolina was a big shift. For the first time since arriving in the US, people didn’t recognise my accent. Photograph: iStock My growing children have probably triggered some of these new feelings. They’re becoming more interested in Ireland and we’ve taken regular trips back. My eldest loves the Fontaines DC and knows all about Kneecap, his younger brother plays rugby and is a huge Munster fan, and my daughter recently spent a week alone in Ireland with her cousins and grandparents. Everyone is getting older. And I am missing my nieces and nephews growing up. But I think it’s more than that. When I left Ireland, I hated my job and where I was living. I wanted to experience something new. But I also hated how parochial the country felt, how everyone seemed to know each other’s business. Now it is knowing lots of people and being known that I love about going back. I get a kick out of how small Ireland is. I enjoy visiting all of those old haunts where I spent time as a child and a teenager. Places I would never have returned to when I still lived there. Perhaps Americans’ strong pride in their heritage (no matter how far back in the family tree) has helped me appreciate my own. I’ve learned not to take where I come from for granted. Maybe seeing the positive view of outsiders towards Ireland from abroad has simply rubbed off on me. Whatever the reason for my changing attitude, I have become comfortable with the complexity. I can code-switch my accent and vernacular, flawlessly interchanging “ye” and “y’all”. I can sit on the couch on a Sunday morning flicking between rugby, English soccer and American football (NFL), all while keeping an eye on the GAA scores. I can celebrate the 4th of July, St Patrick’s Day and Thanksgiving. I can happily say I am Irish and American and I have two homes. Eamonn Fitzgerald lives in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, with his Irish wife and three children. Are you Irish and living in another country? Would you like to share your experience in writing or by interview? You can use the form below, or email abroad@irishtimes.com.We do not accept submissions written or modified by AI. Irish Times Abroad submission guidelines here. Follow us on Instagram to keep up with the latestSign up to The Irish Times Abroad newsletter for Irish-connected people around the world.