What Your Boyfriend's Algorithm Is Doing to Your Relationship

There's a trend on TikTok and Instagram right now where women on dates ask their boyfriends to hold up their phones and show the camera their For You Page. The point isn’t really about catching men doing anything wrong, as some might assume. Instead, the trend is all about seeing what they’re being fed, because manosphere content can flood men’s feeds (and have a direct impact on their relationships) whether they actually seek it out or not.Social media feeds are fundamentally changing the way men think about women, their role in relationships, and even what they're looking for in a partner. Many women I know have watched men they’ve known and loved for years shift their politics, expectations, and feelings about traditional gender roles, sometimes a decade into a relationship. That kind of change can be really destabilizing, especially when it affects questions a couple thought they had already settled. Gen Z may be the first generation whose ideas about gender and power are shaped heavily by algorithmic platforms, but this reaches far beyond one generation, with loaded, gendered content finding its ways into the feeds—and minds—of men of all ages who use social media. And researchers have now measured how quickly that process can happen.A study out of Dublin City University's Anti-Bullying Centre titled “Recommending Toxicity” made blank test accounts on TikTok and YouTube Shorts and simply let them run. Every male-coded account was served manosphere or anti-feminist content within 23 minutes, on average. By the time each account had watched 400 videos (roughly two to three hours of viewing), between 76 and 78 percent of the content being recommended was outright labeled as “toxic” by research team.Men and young boys aren’t necessarily seeking out this content, either; The platforms and algorithms deliver it simply based on their sex. There has been a lot of discussion, especially since the 2024 election, about the manosphere's political impact on young men. But far less attention has been paid to its impact on their relationships—and on the women dating them.A 2026 global study from the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s College London and Ipsos, which surveyed 23,000 people across 29 countries, found that 31 percent of Gen Z men say a wife should always obey her husband, while 33 percent believe a husband should have the final say in a relationship. Nearly a quarter—24 percent—think women shouldn’t appear “too independent” or self-sufficient. Gen Z men were roughly twice as likely as baby boomer men to hold these views.These imbalanced beliefs don’t stay online. They shape how men approach dating, sex, marriage, and women’s bodily autonomy. The messages can come from obvious sources, like self-appointed dating gurus and “loneliness experts,” but they also reach men through “alpha” coaches and political influencers who have built an entire content economy around restoring “traditional” masculinity. The lesson is usually the same: Men should lead, women should submit, and feminism is a problem to be fixed.It’s no wonder many women are becoming more cautious about dating and relationships. (Americans ages 18 to 29 now report having sex about half as often as people in the same age group did in 1990.) When the alternative is monitoring a boyfriend’s algorithm or trying to determine on a first date whether he follows Andrew Tate or Clavicular, opting out can start to feel safer than taking a chance.But a For You Page isn’t a destiny. Men can pay attention to what they’re being shown, question the ideas they’re consuming, and take responsibility for curating their feeds (and for the ways those ideas on their feeds show up in their relationships). The women asking to see their partners’ phones aren’t necessarily looking for a reason to leave, either, they’re looking for evidence that the person they’re dating is willing to think critically about what he’s being taught, and to choose something better.