We’ve Forbidden Our Kid From Participating in Something Practically Inescapable. It’s Complicating Our Friendships.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, I recently moved back to my hometown with my husband and 2-year-old daughter. The best part has been reconnecting with my friend, “Becca.” We’ve been friends since we were kids, but haven’t lived in the same place since high school graduation. We still have a lot in common, and incredibly, our husbands also are friends now. We’ve been having dinner together about once a week, either at their house or at ours. My problem is with what happens at their home. Limiting screen time is very important to us. We didn’t let our daughter see any screens for her first year, and we’ve basically carried it through, though since she turned 2 we have been a little less strict. Becca and her husband are very liberal with their screen time for their kids. The TV is always on at their house when we come over (I think it’s always on, basically). My daughter is obsessed with it! I feel like I can’t enjoy being over there knowing my daughter is being exposed to the television. I have to work twice as hard to try to get her attention away from it with another toy, or try to move her to a different room. But all the kids are in the room with the TV. It’s obviously very interesting to her! I’m not opposed to the content of what they watch—it’s usually Bluey or Disney movies—but I just hate that she’s staring at a TV for two hours if we go their house. I know the kids don’t “need” the TV, because when they come to ours, they play fine without it on. Do you think I could ask my friend to turn of the TV when we come over? And if she says no, should I say we can only hang out at my house? —Too Much Screentime Dear Too Much Screentime, Your little one isn’t getting that much screen time at Becca’s house if you’re only there once a week. You didn’t share the ages of her kids, but there are at least two of them; are you prepared to entertain all the children for the two hours they’d usually be watching TV? You’re coming from a very “mom of one” perspective—you haven’t been on the hook for keeping more than your (very young) daughter occupied yet. Becca and her husband have kids, plural—that is a vastly different experience. It’s great that you’re limiting screen time, but what happens when your daughter goes to a sleepover in a few years? Or a drop-off playdate? You’re not going to be able to prevent her from ever being in the presence of a TV. This just feels like a battle not worth fighting. But if you deem it absolutely necessary, let Becca know your screen-time policy and ask if she’d be willing to have the kids do something else when you guys come by. If that seems to be an issue, try to host more dinners than you attend or consider meeting up outside the home so screens won’t be a temptation. But my advice is to please try to enjoy your time with your friend at her home and rest assured that two hours in a room with a TV isn’t harming your daughter. —Jamilah More Parenting Advice From Slate My wife and I are a young couple with a beautiful, smart, and spunky 3-year-old daughter whom we love dearly. Obviously, we want her to be as safe and happy as she can be, and have all the usual worries of first-time parents. However, in the last few months, my wife has begun to take this to an extreme. For some reason, she has become inconsolably afraid that our daughter is being abused whenever she isn’t around. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids