This ‘easy going’ response to a basic question could doom your relationship

If you’ve ever told your partner you ‘don’t mind,’ we do mind (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61) ‘What shall we have for dinner?’ This might not seem a contentious question, but if your partner gives you a fairly indifferent answer, it could end up being a relationship dealbreaker. We are, of course, talking about the classic: ‘I don’t mind.’ On the surface, this fairly diplomatic response comes across as relaxed and easy going, implying you’re content either way, but it’s anything but. In fact, it’s actually giving your partner extra labour, because not only are you not suggesting anything, but you’re also leaving it to them to decide. Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. This very topic came up on a recent episode of Subway Takes, which sees randomers (and sometimes celebrity guests) share their controversial opinions with host Kareem Rahma on NYC’s version of the Tube. ‘When someone asks you to make a decision and you go, “I don’t mind,” it’s the opposite of being easygoing,’ this particular guest argued. However, Kareem actually disagreed with this one, asking: ‘What if I don’t mind? I literally don’t mind.’ By way of response, their guest suggested a genuinely laidback person would just make a decision. ‘At the end of the day, the person who’s not decisive, the main fear they have is the minor inconvenience that is disappointing someone,’ she added, which led the host to admit he does it purely for ‘selfish’ reasons. It’s a discussion that’s long circulated on social media, too, as one Reddit post previously said this response is ‘one of the worst friendly acts you can do.’ Not only that, but it makes you look both ‘boring and lazy.’ They penned: ‘People can enjoy unpredictability from not deciding on what they want, but you should know how others feel about it.’ How do you feel when someone responds to a question with 'I don't mind'? Irked, but not overly botheredCheck It doesn't bother meCheck Love juicy stories? Need some sex tips to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up for The Hook Up Newsletter now Weaponised incompetence, or a genuine lack of opinion? According to relationship expert and couples counsellor Ness Cooper, this isn’t just a harmless answer that shows your partner you’re up for anything. It actually constitutes weaponised incompetence, which is when one partner purposefully acts helpless so their love inevitably ends up swooping in to save the day with a decision or an action. However, it doesn’t always need to end in tears. She tells Metro: ‘There are some couples where this form of dynamic can work, and others where it causes friction. A partner who is uncertain about what they want when asked may have previously offered bids for connection but may have had these missed.’ Couples sometimes fall into ‘parent-child transactions’, where one acts as the lead for core decisions within the relationship, the expert adds. ‘There are moments where all unions can fall into this; it’s just that when it becomes a regular occurrence, it can lead partners to withdraw, become frustrated, and even lead to resentment.’ What if you just don’t have an opinion, though? (Picture: Getty Images) In some situations, though, it can constitute genuine weaponised incompetence from the person refusing to make a decision. This might be learned behaviour stemming from childhood, enforced when parents didn’t encourage their children to speak up and have an opinion. Ness adds: ‘It can also be culturally learned, where one person has not been taught other ways of navigating relationships. ‘There may also be conflict avoidance going on, which is reinforced regularly by culture and TV when conflict in relationships is positioned as unhealthy, when in fact, it can be natural and lead to growth.’ Irrespective of why it happens, though, this relationship approach can leave partners questioning whether they’re genuinely being heard, and whether their partner cares at all. Clearly, it’s not just about picking between Italian food or a Chinese takeaway. But what if you genuinely don’t mind what you have for dinner, or what you watch on Netflix for date night? Even if you’re genuinely easy, there’s a more helpful response you can give, according to Lovehoney’s sex and relationships expert, Annabelle Knight. She explains: ‘Having an opinion, even if it’s not a definitive answer, is usually a more helpful and healthy way to reach a conclusion.’ You might use phrasing like ‘I don’t mind, but maybe somewhere relaxed.’ This, in Annabelle’s view, gives your partner ‘something to work with rather than a closed answer.’ ‘That being said, sometimes we need decisions – especially if they’re seemingly inconsequential – taken off our plate,’ she says. ‘If this is the case, it’s best to say. Communication is, as always, the key.’ Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk Deals of the Day Parents can save up to 30% on Kickers school shoes ahead of the new term The back-to-school hack that's helping parents avoid queues and sold-out sizes Could your hair be wavy rather than straight? This brand thinks so Could your star sign improve your skincare routine? This new beauty launch thinks so Best skincare for menopausal skin? 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