Think you can tell when your partner's lying? Guess again! TRACEY COX says trying to read body language is pointless - and reveals the 6 questions you should ask to uncover the truth

Most of us like to think we'd know if our partner or someone close to us lied but the truth is, we're not as good at it as we think.For decades we've been told that lying leaves a visual trail – shifty eyes, fidgety hands, looking in a certain direction.Poker players, parents and partners have built entire belief systems on these 'tells'. I was in a prime-time BBC show based on romantic body language cues (Would Like to Meet).And guess what? A lot of what we thought we knew back then has turned out to be nonsense. Deception research, particularly, has moved on dramatically in the last 15 years and the findings are humbling.Aldert Vrij, a leading psychologist in modern lie-detection science, has found our favourite 'tells' perform only slightly better for predicting a lie than tossing a coin.Turns out the real signs of dishonesty are revealed less by our body language and more in the story itself. Here's the old wisdom and the new science that's replaced it... British sex and relationships expert Tracey Cox (pictured) reveals the six questions to really catch your lying partner outLIARS AVOID EYE CONTACTIt's the single most widely believed 'lie detector' clue out there – and it turns out to be wrong.It was based on the theory that you'd have to be very brazen to look someone you love in the eye and lie to them about something that would hurt them deeply.There's an obvious flaw to this argument: if the truth (like an affair) will hurt them deeply, surely lying and denying it is sparing them pain?It also assumes most people have good intentions and good morals. If you couldn't care less about the feelings of the person you're lying to, looking deeply into their eyes doesn't mean a thing.We also look away if we're thinking intently, distracted, not in the mood to chat or feeling stressed or anxious.The reverse is more likely to be true: Because everyone knows this one, liars often maintain more eye contact than those telling the truth. They think avoidance looks suspicious and overcompensate the other way.THEY LOOK UP AND TO THE RIGHTThis is a theory borrowed from neuro-linguistic programming. We look up and to the right when making something up because the right side of the brain oversees our imagination.We look to the left when telling the truth because the left side of our brain is logical: no imagination needed for recall if you're simply stating facts.Wrong again: Studies that got participants to lie and tell the truth on camera tracked their eye movements frame by frame. There was no pattern linking eye direction and honesty.THEY FIDGETFoot-tapping, hair-twirling, fiddling with a pen, being unable to sit still – all were thought to be signs the body was 'leaking' guilt.It's one of the least reliable cues: Fidgeting is a stress response, and stress has nothing to do with being truthful. If an innocent person is grilled by a suspicious partner or the police, they'll feel just as much adrenaline as someone who is guilty - sometimes more because they're panicking about not being believed. There's even a name for it: The Othello error. Mistaking the fear of being disbelieved for the guilt of lying.As with eye contact, the myth of fidgeting is commonly believed to be true, so practised liars often become unusually still when they're bluffing.THEY TOUCH THEIR NOSE OR FACE A LOTThe 'Pinocchio effect' is based on the idea that lying triggers a release of hormones and neurotransmitters that are produced when our bodies are stressed. They cause our nose to swell by a fraction of a millimetre and make it feel itchy, which makes us want to touch it.Embarrassingly wrong: This one was based on a single, widely criticised study and further research has never replicated the result. We do soothe ourselves by touching our faces when stressed but this doesn't mean we're lying.THEIR MICRO-EXPRESSION REVEALS ALLThese are very fast, involuntary facial expressions that flash across a person's face for a fraction of a second. They're seen as a marker of 'true' emotion because they appear before we can compose our features. The TV show Lie to Me popularised this one.Micro-expressions are definitely real: they tie to seven core emotions which are universal and appear across all cultures: anger (narrowed eyes, lowered brows, tight mouth), fear (wide eyes, raised brows and pulled back lips), disgust (wrinkled nose, raised upper lip), happiness (upturned mouth, creases around eyes), sadness (drooping upper eyelids, downturned mouth), surprise (wide open eyes, raised brows, dropped jaw) and contempt (one-sided smirk or raised mouth corner).This one's interesting because... They're real but aren't proof of lying: A suppressed flash of anger or fear can just as easily come from being accused of something you didn't do.THE REAL WAY TO SPOT A FIBSo, if that's all rubbish, what does new research tell us? Lie detection now focuses more on what's being said than how a person looks or behaves while saying it.Lying takes great mental effort: Telling a real story is pleasurable, especially if you know people will find it entertaining. Lying is hard work. You have to invent details, keep things consistent and monitor how you're coming across, all at once. That's a big ask of your brain – and why the real cracks are cognitive and show more in what you're saying than doing.Look for changes in normal behaviour: I have a friend who often sits and stares into space. For him, this is usual behaviour and means nothing. If my partner found me suddenly staring into space for long periods, he would – rightly – assume something was really bothering me.Lie detection is personal: there are no rules that apply to all. The only thing you can really rely on as a red flag is when someone is behaving differently to how they usually do.This is why... We're better spotting lies with people we know well: Lie detection is all about establishing baselines – knowing how a person usually behaves in certain situations. A fast talker who suddenly slows down. Or someone who talks slowly, speeding up when asked about a particular topic.Focus on the detail: Liars either overload you with detail to sound convincing or give a threadbare account because they're improvising.If it sounds rehearsed, it probably is. Most people ramble or get waylaid when telling a real story. The easier it flows off the tongue and the less a person strays from the 'facts', the more likely it is to be a lie.Follow Tracey on Instagram @traceycoxsexauthor. THE SIX QUESTIONS TO CATCH A LIAR OUT If someone's desperate to cover something up, they'll have thought through answers to all the obvious questions (Why were you late?/What's actually wrong with the car?).The trick to catching them out is to ask 'sideways' questions that aren't based on the plot.'Tell me again but start from the end'This is the Reverse Order Technique: ask someone to recount events backwards and you'll expose most liars. Genuine memories can be reconstructed from any direction; invented ones are built as a forward story. They only sound convincing if you tell them forwards and in the rehearsed order.'What was the person wearing?'Liars focus on the plot not the little details like what the weather was like or who else they saw at the shops.'Where did you have breakfast?' If they're lying about spending the day at a work conference, ask where they were just before the event. Most liars will trip up on this one.'I want to know more, tell me more details'Real memories have loads of irrelevant clutter stored with them - not just about the central event but the scenery around it.A true account often sounds better with a second telling because new details surface naturally. A made-up story never alters, even if you ask the person to repeat it over and over. It'll stay word-perfect and the details stay the same.'But what exactly did you say to them?' Liars are fond of vague answers that distance them from the event. 'Things were said,' or 'I can't remember exactly but it was along the lines of...'. Ask them to be specific, then quickly follow with...'How did that make you feel?'Watch to see if there's a small, natural pause while the person searches for the feeling. If it's rehearsed, they'll answer instantly because they've decided beforehand what they were supposed to feel like.