These People Say They Experienced Someone Else’s Death—Without Dying Themselves, Expert Claims

7 min readA few moments before his dad actually died, William Peters says he found himself in a different dimension where he saw loved ones such as his deceased grandmother, aunt, and his grandfather—whom he’d never met. Peters asked his grandmother and aunt, “Why isn’t he dying?” Then, Peters says they directed his attention to over the top of his father’s body. The moment Peters moved his focus there, he locked onto a presence. “I’m like ‘Oh my gosh, that’s the conductor,’” Peters says. “The power of this being let me know it was in charge of the transition, and it just wasn’t quite that right time yet, but we were getting close. In a matter of a few moments [my father] died and transitioned.”This profound visualization is called a shared death experience (SDE). SDEs and near-death experiences (NDEs) are often reported with similar characteristics, but there’s a key difference: those experiencing an SDE aren’t in harm’s way. What these people—including Peters, a licensed psychotherapist—are experiencing feels profound and real. But the most important question is: What’s causing the experience in the first place?Clinicians generally think of NDEs as experiences of altered consciousness, explains Marieta Pehlivanova, PhD, research assistant professor of psychiatry and neurobehavioral sciences at the University of Virginia School of Medicine. They typically happen when a person is either close to death or in some other medical crisis, up to and including clinical death and resuscitation. In everyday terms, an NDE might happen when someone experiences an emergency like a heart attack or nearly gets hit by a car.SDEs, on the other hand, are a less-studied phenomenon. They’re an experience that happens to a physically and cognitively healthy person who has a strong bond with a dying patient and, essentially, goes through an NDE with them. For example, an SDE might occur as you sit at a dying person’s bedside. Some individuals consider this an altered state of consciousness, similar to typical NDEs. It helps them feel involved in the transition process, often making the death of a loved one easier to accept, Pehlivanova adds. Peters agrees, confirming that the SDE he experienced helped his own grieving process.SDEs Alter Your Perception of Reality Peters is the founder of the Shared Crossing Project and director of the Shared Crossing Research Initiative (SCRI). In partnership with the Family Therapy Institute of Santa Barbara, SCRI is a nonprofit organization that seeks to research SDEs and inform end-of-life work. There, Peters frequently speaks with individuals who claim to have experienced SDEs. In fact, Peters and his organization have spearheaded the vast majority of SDE studies that do exist. SCRI has conducted hundreds of interviews with those who have reported shared death experiences.When people experience NDEs and SDEs, their reports are functionally similar, Peters says. The sensory experiences that individuals report all seem to boil down to this: “At the moment of human death, our consciousness, our soul, our spirit, or whatever you want to refer to it as, departs the human body and enters into another existence,” he says.Like during an NDE, time typically doesn’t matter during an SDE, according to Peters. Some people say the experience felt like it lasted for eons, while others report everything happened in a flash. Likewise, when reporting their experiences, people may describe the events in chronological order, but it didn’t happen that way—it’s just an easier way to explain it, Peters says. “Time is just totally different,” he says. “It doesn’t exist over there in a certain way.”In both NDEs and SDEs, experiencers might report seeing a light or their life events flash before their eyes, though during an SDE it’s often a review of the dying person’s life. People also report feelings of peace, and sometimes there may be some visualizations of a higher power—or what Peters calls the “conductor”—facilitating the dying person’s movement across the veil.SDEs often happen to those in proximity to a dying loved one, but they might also happen to those who are closely connected but physically far away, according to Peters. SCRI found that a whopping 64 percent of reported SDE cases are remote, while only 36 percent are bedside, he explains. The timing typically happens right at the moment of medically determined death for 75 percent of people, with others reporting SDEs happening a few moments, hours, or in rare cases days, before or after passing.These shared death experiences happen most often to people who are closely connected to the dying person. Peters chalks it up in part to one’s willingness and ability to tune into spiritual experiences, which some people might be born with. Likewise, people may have endured certain life events which make them more prone to the phenomenon, he says.SDEs Could Shed Light on Human ConsciousnessWhile not everyone interprets these phenomena in the same ways, Pehlivanova says the fact that people report SDEs and NDEs at all suggests consciousness is not fully tied to brain activity and physiological processes. “Certainly some aspects of near-death experiences that remain unaccounted for by brain processes point to this conclusion, or at least to this possibility,” she says.To name a few of these mysteries: Children’s accounts of NDEs defy the typical characteristics, as they don’t usually include seeing loved ones, life reviews, or cultural and religious undertones. Likewise, scientists have a difficult time explaining why someone might recount events that occurred when they were clinically unconscious—and there are certainly more unknowns when it comes to these anomalous experiences.Research conducted by SCRI and published in the peer-reviewed American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine found that SDEs can cause changes in an experiencer’s beliefs, help them reconcile grief, and give them a perception of continued bonds with the deceased. Overall, the findings of the 2021 study suggest that SDEs involve varying levels of consciousness, are frequently transformative, and may have a significant impact on both bereavement and end-of-life care, explains Tais Oliveira da Silva, PhD, researcher at the Research Center in Spirituality and Health at the Federal University of Juiz de Fora, Brazil.One common theme reported by those who have SDEs: People find their fear of death is diminished or alleviated, Peters says. He often hears people say things like, “When I was in the shared death experience, I felt like I was in my true home, and that was more real than my human existence.”Peters says about 41 percent of experiencers who have spoken to SCRI will end up having more than one SDE, which suggests that having one will open you up to having more. Additionally, he hypothesizes that people who have had a near-death experience are more likely to have shared death experiences when their loved ones die. Oliveira da Silva seems to agree that there’s something deeper going on.“Psychological interpretations, such as anticipatory grief or the religious and spiritual needs of family caregivers confronted with impending loss, may explain some cases,” Oliveira da Silva says. “But they do not appear sufficient to account for the full range of reported experiences.”There Might Be a Simpler Explanation for SDEs However, other scientists disagree with this sort of spiritual notion. There may also be biological and physiological reasons for the experiences. For instance, some scientists hypothesize SDEs may occur due to delirium, medication effects, fever, unstable clinical conditions, or neurological dysfunction associated with the dying process, explains Oliveira da Silva. On the psychological front, different types of end-of-life experiences (ELEs) have been attributed to misperceptions, expectations, and emotional needs, she adds. However, research—like Olivera da Silva’s own work, published in the International Review of Psychiatry—excludes people with delirium to help distinguish this altered awareness from true ELEs, since the condition affects up to 88 percent of patients in palliative care.While there are many holes in the research on SDEs and NDEs, scientists continue to try to fill in the gaps. The Neurophysiological Evolutionary Psychological Theory Understanding Near-Death Experience (NEPTUNE) model attempts to explain NDEs, suggesting they may be caused by changes in blood brain gases, endorphins, or other chemical or electrical activity in the brain. And, the study suggests the out-of-body experiences described after an NDE or SDE are due to activation in the temporoparietal junction of the brain. However, some researchers say that these single-sense hallucinations don’t match up with reports of vivid experiences reported by people who experience SDEs or NDEs.A recent review article published by Greyson and Pehlivanova in the peer-reviewed journal Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice states the reported experiences in the NEPTUNE studies don’t fully encompass what people report experiencing during NDEs. “There is no evidence that electrical brain stimulation has ever produced accurate perception of anything not visible to the physical eyes, or that persists when the eyes are closed, or that is from an out-of-body perspective,” the researchers write.All this points to the fact that there are still too many questions surrounding NDEs for neurophysiology to explain—and the NEPTUNE model doesn’t completely answer them.“NDEs are typically triggered by physiological events, so it makes sense to explore those connections and look for cause and effect. But this effort is just at the beginning stage, and it is important to keep being open-minded as we continue the search,” Bruce Greyson, MD, told UVA Health.Still, to Peters, there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to death. “As a researcher and experiencer, the notion that consciousness survives human death is the most plausible, rational explanation, because there’s clearly communication between a consciousness that has just lived and died and humans who are alive,” Peters says.Regardless of what causes them, Pehlivanova argues that—as we learn more about people’s SDEs—scientists need to try to expand their understanding of what exactly happens to consciousness after death and look for a model that more accurately accommodates these supernatural experiences.Jordan Smith is a writer and editor with over 5 years of experience reporting on health and fitness news and trends. She is a published author, studying for her personal trainer certification, and over the past year became an unintentional Coronavirus expert. She has previously worked at Health, Inc., and 605 Magazine and was the editor-in-chief of her collegiate newspaper. Her love of all things outdoors came from growing up in the Black Hills of South Dakota.