The Slow Burn Is Back and Ghosting Is on the Rise, According to New Dating Data

We can order food to our apartments within the hour, find the answers to our weird, burning questions within seconds online, and find a date with a quick swipe right of our fingers. And yet, in this age of complete convenience and quick satisfaction, it seems that daters are looking for the opposite. Yes, I’m talking about the slow burn.If you’ve seen Heated Rivalry or tried to text someone over the age of 45, you’re well-versed in the slow burn. In real-life dating, it could mean a friends-to-lovers situation or even just not casting someone off immediately. And according to new data released by the Kinsey Institute, more and more daters are opting to give people second chances and stay open minded to someone they didn’t have an initial spark with.The slow burn really goes against the grain of modern relationships. Dating apps and online dating (used by 80 million Americans) make it so physical attraction is at the forefront of many romantic decisions. And while I personally am a fan of this system (we deserve to date hot people!), fewer people are relying on that initial attraction to dictate their potential partners. According to the survey, 49 percent of people reported falling for someone they didn’t find attractive at first.And it isn’t just about attraction. Daters today aren’t basing their relationships off of “the spark” anymore. The survey shows that 41 percent of singles were willing to go on a second date with someone even if the first wasn’t super exciting. This shows a real shift happening, as this number was at 35 percent just five years ago.“Our data show that singles are becoming more flexible regarding what a good relationship can look like over time,” Dr. Amanda Gesselman, co-lead for the study said in the press release.So if it’s not attraction or a spark, what are people looking for on first dates? Well, according to the survey, there are plenty of other things that have carried dates into full-blown relationships: great convos, shared interests, a person showing self-improvement over time, and the existence of life goals.This makes sense, considering how much our everyday lives are changing. Here’s what the rest of the data is showing us about how people are making dating decisions these days:The Economy Is Changing How We DateYou’d think that with half the country unable to afford basic things like groceries and gas, dating would be at the bottom of a lot of people’s list of priorities—but the data says otherwise. More than half of the singles reported that the state of the economy actually made them more interested in finding a partner to share their life (and expenses) with. I get it: A relationship sounds a lot more appealing when it comes with the idea of not having to pay half your rent. Plus, 56 percent of the singles said that more money is top-3 on their list of what would make them happier. That, coupled with someone to cuddle with at night sounds like a pretty good deal.AI Has Entered the Dating SceneWe’re on some very different terrain with dating than we were just a few years ago. AI, for example, is everywhere, including romantic relationships. About 39 percent of single people admitted to using some sort of AI to “improve communication, find better matches, or generate message ideas.” And the younger generations are especially open to embracing it. According to the survey, 67 percent of Gen Z singles use AI for dating.But with 30 percent of daters considering using AI to chat a dealbreaker, we’re sure to see this tension show up even more in years to come.Ghosting Is Way UpWith single people giving so many chances and making responsible financial decisions in their dating life, you’d think that dating may be on a positive uptick. I wouldn’t get too excited, though. Despite daters reporting an interest in traits like emotional maturity, mutual respect, and open communication, they’re not always practicing these values for themselves. Ghosting, unfortunately, is still alive and well...and even on the rise.It’s always hard to reject someone, but apparently daters think it’s too hard to even try. Only 35 percent of singles reported being willing to let someone know they weren’t interested face-to-face. And before you chime in and say a “sorry this isn’t working for me!” text is totally fine, only 37 percent reported being willing to do that.The dating world looks different year to year. Values change, people adapt to societal trends, and daters reconsider what they want constantly. Dating may have a bleak reputation at the moment, but there’s hope yet. In 2021, 32 percent of people reported that they weren’t interested in a relationship. Today, in 2026, that number is now just 24 percent. The pool of potentials is seemingly bigger, you just may have to be okay with a slower pace and a slight chance of ghosting.