The perfect age gap if you want your relationship to be a success

Can age-gap relationships truly work? (Picture: Getty Images) They say that ‘age is just a number’, but an age-gap relationship has to overcome unique hurdles. There’s societal judgement, family opinions, and lifestyle differences — to name just a few. Loose Women star, Coleen Nolan recently out spoke about how she was initially wary about dating boyfriend, Ryan Brockbank, who at 46, is almost 15 years her junior. Speaking on the show, she said: ‘Straight away I said: “No, you’re too young”.’ She added it was her ‘own insecurity’ that held her back from dating younger men. ‘I thought they wouldn’t fancy me anyway because I’m 61 and I’d wonder why they did,’ she said. But she added: ‘When it’s the right one, and the real one, all those things don’t matter.’ Is Coleen right? Does an age difference really not matter? Or is there a perfect gap in order for a relationship to go the distance? Well, according to experts, yes. A smaller age gap is better Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. A zero to three-year age gap is the ideal difference in age between you and your partner. ‘This age gap is likely to result in a longer-lasting relationship, according to research,’ psychotherapist Eloise Skinner tells Metro. Age gaps nowadays are exceedingly normal (Picture: Getty Images) The reason for this is that you’re at similar life stages. ‘You’re more likely to have matched expectations financially in terms of spending, saving and investments, as well as health-wise,’ she adds. Eloise also explains you’re more likely to be aligned on physical ability, so you’ll be able to do the same weekend activities, childcare responsibilities and even have the same travel goals. She adds that research shows relationship satisfaction levels decline over the duration of the partnership for couples that have significant age gaps. ‘Age gap couples might be less resilient when it comes to challenging events in their marriage, compared to similarly aged couples, according to research,’ Eloise explains. Of course, there are plenty of happy couples with large age gaps, but you’ll need to prepare for inevitable ageing changing your dynamic even further. Is there an age gap that’s too large? This is a topic we’ve previously discussed on Metro’s Just Between Us podcast. Listener Katie, 22, called in after making a disturbing discovery about her boyfriend, 32. ‘I went to stretch myself as you do in the morning and my hand went under his pillow where I felt something,’ she explains. ‘I take the pillow away and I see a used condom. It was horrible.’ In case it wasn’t clear, this condom was nothing to do with her. Horrified, she showered, got dressed and walked out the door. That marked the end of their relationship. But Katie began questioning if her pattern of picking older men was a problem. Did she just pick a bad apple, or is such a big age gap between partners a recipe for disaster? ‘Age gaps can become an issue where it results in a disparity of maturity level (which could be thought of as ’emotional age’), life experiences, values, priorities and expectations,’ Eloise explains. ‘Some bigger, more practical life challenges that might arise are topics like starting a family – if one partner is much older, there can be issues around conception, mismatches in parenting styles, and a higher likelihood of a child losing one parent when the child is still relatively young. ‘Financial planning, where one partner is planning for retirement, whereas the other might be taking more financial risks, can also be a problem.’ Age gaps might not pose a problem at first, but as the relationship progresses, different goals and plans for the future may create tension (Picture: Getty Images) While Eloise explains there’s no hard upper limit for an age gap, each couple should assess their needs in a relationship and be realistic about whether they can give each other the life they want. Eloise does have one concern about large age gaps, though. ‘There’s the potential concern of power dynamics in an age gap relationship – for example, where one person has more financial resources, a bigger career or status,’ she explains. ‘Of course, this can also occur without age gaps present. For a sustainable, long-term relationship, partners should aim to be on similar levels in terms of emotional maturity, psychological maturity, values, goals and preferences, which might be more likely to occur in smaller or no age-gap relationships.’ This article was originally published in August 2025 and has since been updated. Do you have a story you’d like to share? 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