The Norwegian habit that transformed my sleep, and my marriage

I have learnt the secret to sharing beds with children, with partners, with anyone. It’s single duvets. The only reason for a double duvet is if you have a bed to yourself – or if you have no intention of sleeping anyway. If you don’t believe me, ask the Scandinavians. I recently visited Norway and was surprised that in hotels I’d find two single duvets, usually rolled up, on a double bed. Why skimp when you could get one larger piece of fabric, I wondered. The answer was in the experience: better sleep for everyone. Ever since I had my first child, I’ve been sleeping with them – usually I get in the middle of double beds with children either side of me to help them get to sleep. This happens in hotels, but also at home (if any child is unwell or on a Friday when we have “sleepover” and the children snuggle in with me). The downsides of this sleep configuration are that the person in the middle – invariably me – feels like a human hot water bottle even when there’s no heatwave. I sleep much better when I feel cool; I would happily keep windows open in winter. Also, when I need to go to the bathroom, I have to either burrow down to the bottom of the duvet so I don’t disturb the children or sacrifice one by throwing the duvet off one side. Shorts These problems are completely solved by two singles. After our trip to Norway, I have embraced this sleep style. If a child climbs in, there’s no overheating – I can poke a foot out of the duvet and remain cool. It’s so simple and the children sleep better too. I also notice an improvement when sleeping with my husband Mark. He is sensitive to any movement so when I’m going to sleep I find myself trying to lie still, which is not a relaxing way to drift off. But add in separate duvets and we can each turn without bothering the other. It stops unjust accusations of duvet stealing, and other disturbances such as snoring. My ears are always on half-alert for a child waking, and Mark’s occasional gentle snoring feels muffled if I’m in my own duvet. It’s the perfect compromise, preserving sleep without losing the intimacy of sharing a bedroom. Norwegian sleep styles are good for my marriage. Younger me would have found this a deeply unromantic notion: why not sleep entwined with the person you love? Middle aged me is far more pragmatic: a good night of sleep counts for everything. Jonny Cooper, founder of Off the Map travel which specialises in Nordic trips says: “Using separate duvets is one of those Nordic habits that makes complete sense once you try it. It means you disturb your partner far less during the night — there’s no tug-of-war over the covers and no waking up to find the duvet has ended up on the floor. The only real downside is that you lose a little of that shared body heat, particularly in winter, but for us that’s outweighed by being able to regulate your own temperature and sleep more comfortably.” While this is very much a Northern European habit, widespread in Scandinavia, Germany, Austria and Switzerland, it is becoming more popular in the UK. Nicole Wright, 44, a personal trainer living in London, discovered the advantages of single duvets when she met her partner three years ago. “This was a completely new concept to me and not something I’d ever done before meeting him,” she says. “My partner is 6ft 3″ and all lanky limbs that sprawl everywhere at night. Everything he does is done with practicality in mind and what makes the best sense. So he’s not big on romance, but he is good at finding solutions.” Nicole Wright recently discovered the benefit of having two single duvets at home with her partner – she can stay cosy under a duvet while he prefers to lie under a sheet (Photo: Nicole Wright) Nicole is frequently chilly and even during this summer has wanted a duvet while her partner has often slept under a sheet. “Having my own duvet means I can move away from him and keep warm,” she says. “Plus I do have a tendency to wrap myself like a sausage in my duvet, which was fine as a single woman, but less fine when I met my partner. So it works perfectly for both of us.” Polly Arrowsmith, 54, from London, says her mum is from Finland where most bedding is single duvets. She says it has added practical advantages: “It makes bedmaking very easy, as it is easier to put a duvet cover on a single rather than a double. Washing is easier, as you are no longer struggling with a double duvet cover, and if one of you sweats and the other does not, you can simply wash one set.” Sleep experts tell me they frequently recommend this trick to those suffering from interrupted slumbers. James Wilson, also known as The Sleep Geek, says it allows each person to create the right “sleep microclimate” for them. “It can help children because a double duvet can feel quite overwhelming for them. It also allows everyone to have the right bedding for sensory issues,” he says. Psychologist Dr Lindsay Browning, who has a doctorate on insomnia, agrees. “Having a separate duvet means disturbance is lessened. Some people may feel psychologically less intimately close because they use a separate duvet, although I have not heard this from any of my clients who used two single duvets, nor do I know of any studies supporting that,” she tells me. It’s been the opposite for Mark and me; we’re more likely to wake early enough for a cuddle if we’ve slept better without disturbing each other. As for my children, they struggled to fall asleep in last night’s heat and ended up in bed with me, under three separate sheets, all of us cool enough that we slept well.