The four hidden forces behind how you actually work

A few years ago during a financially uncertain time for our family, I tried to motivate my husband the same way I motivate myself: with anxiety. I’d paint the worst-case scenario, hoping that fear would make him more engaged with our strained household finances. Fear and anxiety motivate me brilliantly, because I’m an anxious achiever. Fear and anxiety made him check out. This was a pattern in our marriage, and it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize I wasn’t dealing wit...