The ‘consolation prize’ sex act that men surprisingly prefer over blowjobs

No more being on opposite ends of the bed (Picture: Shutterstock / PeopleImages) It’s official: the blowjob has been dethroned, with oral sex being neglected in favour of an act thought to be little more than a ‘consolation prize’. Men and women alike are taking a more hands-on approach to intimacy, with the humble handjob finally having its moment. Sex podcaster Dan Savage posted that getting handsy was now the hottest sex trend of 2026, with a friend admitting to him that he prefers handjobs to blowjobs. The very next day Dan was served a reel of a guy being interviewed on a train who said handjobs were indeed better, and the male interviewer ‘100% agreed’. The male Reddit community echoed this, writing: ‘Handjob while kissing and touching her boobs is the best ever.’ ‘Recently after going down on my wife she asked what I wanted to do next…’ added another. ‘I said a handjob while kissing. She was so surprised but I loved it. It’s very intimate.’ And it’s not just guys rejecting oral sex in favour of some finger action these days. Sexologist Jenn Mason just penned a Substack post titled ‘Why hand stuff is better than oral sex’. The sex expert shared her distaste for watching a partner’s enthusiasm disappear under the sheets, as she lays there rather bored. ‘Hand stuff, though?’ she says. ‘I’m convinced anyone could survive a scene-by-scene breakdown of Lord of the Rings, provided there’s delicate but insistent touch and the occasional teasing plunge.’ Our hands are finally getting to explore (Picture: Shutterstock / Artem Furman) She’s not best pleased with the sex act’s ‘immature’ reputation either. ‘It’s treated like oral sex’s pimply younger sibling: it gets a few half-hearted swooshes of lazy spell-casting under the jeans before the moment moves on,’ Jenn adds. What’s so good about the humble handjob? Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. For many, there’s a certain intimacy and beauty in getting handsy. ‘During a handjob you’re on eye level,’ sexologist Becky Crepsley-Fox tells Metro. ‘You’re side by side, face to face. You can kiss, stroke his neck, and watch each other. ‘That’s an entirely different order of intimacy from being at opposite ends of the bed. It also can become a full-body experience – with one hand occupied the other is free for testicles, perineum, chest, wherever you both fancy – rather than a single focused act.’ This matter of proximity is echoed by men online. One guy wrote: ‘Handjob all day, it’s better when they get to talk to you and get their face close to yours, more intimate. ‘Blowjobs are sexy, but handjobs are romantic. One is for casuals and one’s for those who are madly in love.’ Becky points out many men also climax faster during oral, so manual stimulation gives you room to draw it out. Then there’s the range of 10 fingers which cannot be emulated by the tongue. ‘A hand can adjust pressure, speed, grip, rhythm and angle in ways a mouth simply can’t,’ she adds. ‘It can hold one pressure at the base and another at the tip. It can twist, or grip the entire shaft at once. And crucially, it can maintain a consistent rhythm right through orgasm, at the exact point a mouth is usually tiring.’ There’s also the matter of STIs which you’re less likely to contract from a handjob than a blowjob, so it’s good for newer relationships. That said, it isn’t risk-free, skin-to-skin infections like herpes and HPV can still transmit, but Becky points out the odds are far better. ‘There’s also no chance of an unfortunate encounter with someone’s teeth,’ she admits. Being face-to-face with your partner adds an extra layer of intimacy (Picture: Shutterstock / fizkes) Why is the handjob having its moment? The sex expert believes the handjob may be having its moment due to them being far more prevalent in mainstream porn than they once were. ‘Things become more desirable once we see them represented,’ Becky explains. But the biggest driver of this trend, she believes, is capacity. ‘People are exhausted. Couples come to me describing sex as another item on the to-do list, and there’s real appetite for intimacy that doesn’t require a shower, forty minutes and a change of sheets,’ the expert adds. ‘Handjobs are having a genuine renaissance for exactly this reason – it’s low-stakes, face to face, and can be twenty minutes on a Tuesday rather than an event you have to schedule.’ But it’s certainly not a new thing. Apparently, both oral and manual stimulation are documented in bonobos and macaques, suggesting the handjob predates humans entirely. However, the handjob paper trail originates in Egyptian erotic art surviving from around 1150 BCE, while in Rome, there was such cultural shame around oral that hands were the more appealing option. The last handjob renaissance was in the 1920s, according to Becky, when petting culture took off because it preserved ‘virginity’ while offering sexual pleasure. Where the blowjob holds its ground There are, of course, a fairly steadfast community on Reddit who insist that blowjobs will always be far superior, with many men complaining if ‘I want a handjob I’ll give myself one’. More like this... And the ability to do it yourself can detract from the experience. ‘Most men will tell you quite cheerfully that nobody masturbates them better than they do, and oral is the one thing they can’t do alone,’ Becky says. Not to mention, death grip syndrome is a risk if you always go hard and fast, resulting in a loss of sensation in your penis. Oral side-steps this entirely. And Becky also says oral is an intense moment of vulnerability. ‘A lot of men describe oral as the moment they feel most wanted,’ she says. So, which end of the bed are you on? Blowjob or handjob? Love juicy stories? Need some sex tips to spice things up in the bedroom? Sign up for The Hook Up Newsletter now This article was originally published in July 2026. Do you have a story you’d like to share? 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