The 15 Funniest George Costanza Quotes In Seinfeld

It's no secret that the best and funniest George Costanza quotes from Seinfeld rival even Jerry Seinfeld's own lines from the show. Jason Alexander was robbed of an Emmy win multiple times while spending nine years playing Jerry's neurotic best friend George Costanza, a character known for his horrible bad luck and questionable life decisions. Fan adoration and massive critical acclaim continue to give credit where credit is due, however, as George is still largely regarded as one of the greatest sitcom characters of all time. Always available for a quick one-liner or an aggravated rant, George is an icon. Notably, George Costanza is based on Seinfeld co-creator and head writer, Larry David, one of the most foundational comedic voices of his generation. Cleverly, rather than becoming a caricature of Larry David, Jason Alexander instead gave George his own voice, creating a definitive curmudgeon character that predates even Larry David's semi-autobiographical protagonist in Curb Your Enthusiasm. Although George is based on a specific person, his quirks and traits are all his own in a unique, interesting way. Straight from the mouth of the self-proclaimed Lord of Idiots, here are the greatest, funniest, and most meme-able George Costanza quotes from Seinfeld 15 "Squirrel? Well, We Have No Deal With Them!" Season 9, Episode 6, "The Merv Griffin Show" George had been living by an unwritten code forged between New Yorkers, and the pigeons that dwell within. Pigeons got out of the way of cars, and New Yorkers looked the other way on the statue defecations. However, George finds that the pigeons have seemingly gone back on their deal as, while driving with his girlfriend, he runs over a flock of them, making her see him as a heartless animal killer. In an attempt to show that he was more heroic than she thought, George took it upon himself to purposely swerve out of the way of a pigeon when they next rode together. Unfortunately, he failed to spot a nearby squirrel which he ran over instead. George's lack of remorse for that much cuter animal is hilarious as he reverts back to his strange idea that there exists some pact between animals and humans that the squirrel is no part of. 14 "You Should've Seen The Look On Her Face! It Was The Same Look My Father Gave Me When I Told Him I Wanted To Be A Ventriloquist!" Season 3, Episode 7, "The Cafe" While Kramer's schemes in Seinfeld get all the attention, George has some terrific ones that usually end up blowing up in his face. Desperate to impress a very intellectual woman, George asked Elaine to take his I.Q. test for him so he could fake a good result. Unfortunately, a series of mishaps caused Elaine to mess the test up and cause his score to plummet to an unimaginable 85. George comes back to Jerry's place to confront Elaine with the shockingly low test results which brings up a hilarious childhood memory. There is a lot to unpack in the joke with the idea of George wanting to become a ventriloquist being almost as funny as imagining Frank Costanza's reaction to this idea. It is a reminder that George has always been on the losing side of life. 13 "Oh Noooooo! I'm So Sorry, It's The MOOPS! The Correct Answer Is 'The Moops.'" Season 4, Episode 7, "The Bubble Boy" Among George's many faults, he is an overly competitive persona despite what is at stake and who he happens to be going up against. George and Susan find themselves on the doorstep of a beloved young man known affectionately as the Bubble Boy by the local community, due to his need to stay in a protective bubble at all times. Unfortunately, the Bubble Boy is a complete jerk and gloats about dominating George in a game of trivial pursuit. With the game on the line, George pulls a card asking who invaded Spain during the 8th century. The Bubble Boy correctly answers "the Moors," but George is all too happy to take advantage of a misprint on the card which reads "Moops," instead. As much as the Bubble Boy is an obnoxious and rude person, seeing George argue with the sick youngster over a simple board game causes the character to sink to a new low. 12 "You're Giving ME The 'It's Not You, It's Me' Routine? I INVENTED 'It's Not You, It's Me'!" Season 5, Episode 6, "The Lip Reader" George was such a loser that he actually took pride in being dumped. An example occurred when his frustrated girlfriend broke up with him by giving him the classic "it's not you, it's me" line. So insulted was George that he came down hard on her for daring to use an excuse so obvious. Unwilling to be lied to, George insisted that it wasn't in fact her - but himself - who was the problem. When she finally acknowledged that it was, in fact, George, he replied "You're damn right it's me!" Of course, Geroge's girlfriend was only trying to spare him his feelings and let him down easily. However, George is never one to make any social situation easy, turning it into a hilarious agreement from both of them that he is indeed the problem in the relationship. Given how freely both of them agree to this, the fact that George still gets girlfriends on Seinfeld doesn't make much sense. 11 “I’m Disturbed, I’m Depressed, I’m Inadequate – I’ve Got It All!” Season 4, Episode 15, "The Visa" George Costanza has gone to great lengths on many occasions to convince women that he’s a normal, well-adjusted guy to get dates. However, the one time he actually managed it, she turned out to be more interested in the kind of depressed loser that he actually was in his everyday life. Realizing that Jerry's fun-loving comedy persona was a major hit with the ladies, George forced him to act like a depressed killjoy in order to make himself look better. The plan backfired when George's date found herself incredibly attracted to Jerry's dark and disturbed faux persona, prompting George to panic and shout this line. To be fair to George, he is telling this woman the truth and attempts to highlight how dark and sad he is by confessing the entire ruse with Jerry to her. Unfortunately, that is not the kind of damaged love interest she was looking for. 10 “Oh, No, Thanks. I Can’t Drink Coffee Late At Night. It Keeps Me Up.” Season 2, Episode 4, "The Phone Message" This is one of those George Costanza quotes that perfectly captures just how terrible he is when it comes to interacting with women. When a woman invites George up for coffee, he declines with this line. Much to his horror, he figures out almost immediately the mistake he made and, in typical George fashion, he spirals into self-loathing. This includes him declaring about himself that "People this stupid shouldn’t be allowed to live.” As funny as his mistake is, seeing him live with regret is even funnier. George often complains about how life has been constantly unlucky for him and that he cannot catch a break. While there are some moments that could suggest that was true, this scene hilarious suggests that maybe George is also just clueless and he lets good opportunities pass him by due to his complete cluelessness. 9 “We Have Watched You Take Our Beloved Yankees And Reduce Them To A Laughing Stock!” Season 5, Episode 22, "The Opposite" In this iconic Seinfeld episode, George decides to do the opposite of every one of his natural bumbling instincts. When he interviews for a job at the New York Yankees and meets George Steinbrenner, he launches into a rant that would normally tank anyone else's employment chances. George pulls no punches as he tells Steinbrenner exactly what's on his mind. Evidently, the opposite move turned out to be the right one, after Steinbrenner replied "Hire this man!" George can be a very unlikable character most of the time, as funny as he is. However, there is something fun about seeing him finally winning for the first time, especially in such a creative way. It is a shame that he didn't keep up his "opposite" theory as he reverted back to his self-conscious persona and went back to losing regularly. 8 “I Know I’m Not Cartwright!” Season 2, Episode 11, "The Chinese Restaurant" "The Chinese Restaurant" is not only one of the best Seinfeld episodes, but it also helped to shape the future of the series as it showed how much comedy could be mined by setting the entire episode within a Chinese restaurant as George, Jerry, and Elaine wait for a table. Among the obstacles, George is waiting for a call from a woman only for him to miss the important call when the restaurant manager calls out for "Cartwright" instead of Costanza. It is a hilarious moment with the manager explaining the situation as if he did everything correctly and there was nothing more he could have done. This is followed by George walking back to Jerry and Elaine in stunned silence, trying to rationalize what just happened. It isn't until Jerry interjects with the unhelpful "You’re not Cartwright” that George finally snaps. 7 “Was That Wrong? Should I Not Have Done That?” Season 3, Episode 12, "The Red Dot" George might be a meek and underwhelming man in general, but he can be quite bold when it comes to a lie. After George gets a job at the same office Elaine works at, he decides to have sex with the cleaning woman on top of his own desk. George's new boss, Mr. Lippman, quickly finds out about it and confronts George with the accusation. While George initially acts like it is ridiculous, once he learns the cleaning lady told on him, he hilariously attempts to suggest he didn't know it was wrong. It is the kind of gaslighting and huge lie that George can commit to better than anyone with him even going so far as to claim that this was the sort of thing that went on at all of his other jobs without it being a problem. There is something to be admired about such an attempt as pathetic as it is. 6 “It’s Not A Lie If You Believe It.” Season 6, Episode 16, "The Beard" Few George Costanza quotes sum up the character as much as this one. While it is generally seen as an ugly trait to have, among the immoral characters on Seinfeld, George's lying is like a superpower that others seek to gain for themselves. When Jerry took a lie detector test after his policewoman girlfriend refused to believe he’d never seen an episode of Melrose Place, George realized he couldn’t teach him how to lie. He did, however, offer him this fantastically immoral snippet of wisdom. Goerge is not a man known for his wise words or deep thinking, so it is hilarious that one of the few times he chooses to impart teachings to someone else is about lying. What makes it even funnier is that actor Jason Alexander delivers the line with a sense of self-seriousness as if it were a truly profound thing to introduce into the world.