Teens rehearsing comebacks may be processing hidden emotions: Psychology

Have you ever noticed a teenager silently arguing with someone who isn't even present? They may be replaying a disagreement with a friend, imagining what a teacher might say, preparing the perfect comeback to a parent's criticism or thinking of all the things they wish they had said during an earlier conversation. Sometimes, the imagined argument becomes so elaborate that they mentally go through several possible responses, even though the confrontation may never happen.This behaviour is not exclusive to teenagers. Adults do it too. However, adolescence is an interesting period to explore it because friendships, social acceptance, self-image and the need to be understood become increasingly important. What looks like unnecessary overthinking may sometimes be the mind's attempt to process uncomfortable emotions and prepare for situations that feel difficult to handle.28 Sept 2026 | 08:18Does your teenager tell you about their friends, or do you often have to ask? How much do you know about their social life?Why does the brain create arguments that never happen?One possible explanation is emotional processing. When teenagers experience anger, embarrassment, disappointment or hurt but do not express it immediately, they may revisit the situation later. In their minds, they get another opportunity to explain themselves, defend their position or say something they could not say at the time.Photo: CanvaFor instance, a teenager who feels unfairly criticised by a friend may spend the evening imagining how they should have responded. They might picture the friend arguing back, prepare another response and mentally continue the conversation.This does not necessarily mean they want another confrontation. They may simply be trying to make sense of what happened and understand their own emotional response.The connection with ruminationPsychologists use the term rumination to describe repeatedly thinking about negative experiences, feelings and their possible causes or consequences. Unlike problem-solving, which moves towards a possible solution, rumination can keep a person mentally stuck in the same situation.A 2013 study by researchers Lori Hilt and Seth Pollak, published in the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology, examined rumination in 105 young people aged 9–14. After an interpersonal stress task, slightly more than half engaged in negative self-referential thinking. The researchers found that some participants were able to move away from these thoughts, while others continued dwelling on them.The study suggests that mentally revisiting an uncomfortable social experience is not unusual among young adolescents. However, the ability to disengage from such thoughts matters.Why teenagers may replay conversations so vividlyImagining an argument is not always limited to words. Teenagers may mentally picture the other person's expression, imagine their tone of voice and visualise how the confrontation might unfold.A 2023 study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders explored the relationship between mental imagery and rumination in 145 adolescents. Researchers found that rumination could occur through both verbal thoughts and mental images. The study also examined how distraction affected adolescents' emotional responses.Photo: CanvaThis is relevant because an imagined argument can feel emotionally engaging even when the person is physically alone. Replaying an upsetting interaction may bring back some of the feelings associated with it.Sometimes, it is also about wanting to feel preparedNot every imaginary argument is a sign of unhealthy rumination. Mentally rehearsing a difficult conversation can also be a way of preparing for uncertainty.A teenager who finds it difficult to disagree with a teacher, confront a friend or tell a parent something uncomfortable may practise different ways of responding before actually speaking. This mental rehearsal can help them organise their thoughts and feel more confident.The distinction lies in whether the thinking helps them prepare for a real conversation or keeps them trapped in an imaginary one.What should parents do when teenagers do this?Parents do not need to discourage every instance of imaginary arguing. Instead, they can help teenagers recognise what is bothering them.If a teenager repeatedly revisits an argument, parents can gently ask: "Is there something you wanted to say but couldn't?" or "Are you worried this situation might happen again?"Listening without immediately correcting their response can help teenagers feel understood. Parents should also avoid dismissing their concerns as drama or overthinking.A 2024 systematic review published in European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry examined nine longitudinal studies on parenting behaviours and adolescent rumination. It found that parenting characterised by criticism, rejection and control was associated with greater rumination, while more authoritative parenting practices showed a negative association.If these thoughts become persistent, interfere with sleep or concentration, or cause significant distress, parents should consider seeking guidance from a qualified mental health professional.Ultimately, the imaginary arguments teenagers have in their heads may sometimes reveal conversations they are struggling to have in real life. Rather than focusing only on why they keep thinking about an argument, parents can try to understand what they are finding difficult to express.