‘SNL’: Pete Hegseth and RFK Jr. Tell Returning USS Lincoln Sailors How Bad Things Are at Home: ‘Public Executions Are Back’

Colin Jost’s Pete Hegseth welcomed back sailors from the USS Abraham Lincoln after a 322-day deployment, catching them up to speed on how things are back at home. The secretary of war appeared in front of the soldiers in an ammunition belt packed with Fireball shooters in the “Saturday Night Live” cold open. He thanked them for their service on the mission and praised the group for only eight of them attempting suicide. “You executed over 3000 combat missions, and you did it with zero casualties, zero flight mismatch, and zero working toilets,” he said. Hegseth welcomed the sailors back to shore, saying that just in time for Christmas the U.S. government will air a live execution of a man on death row on TV. The U.S. defense secretary announced earlier this week that public will be able to watch the execution of a former US Army major by firing squad. “In December, as we get into the Christmas spirit, we’re going to execute a guy in a wheelchair on live TV,” Jost as Hegseth said. “Public executions are back.” “If the guy somehow survives the firing squad, then he’s got to fight Jake Paul,” he added. Hegseth also unveiled his new flag for the Defense Department’s official branding, which one of the sailors said looked like a Nazi eagle. Later, James Austin Johnson appeared as RFK Jr. with bulked up veiny forearms to give an update on the measles outbreak. “Sailors, you’re important. That’s why I officially fight to rename Golden Flu season two, Golden Flu and Listeria and Measles and Transgrain Season “We’re also looking into something called testicular dementia,” he added. Hegseth concluded his remarks by quoting another Lincoln — Linkin Park, belting out the band’s 2000s hit “In the End.” Comedian Shane Gillis hosted Saturday’s episode of the sketch series with musical guest Rosalía.