Should you stick or twist on a mid-life marriage that's lost its sparkle? TRACEY COX speaks to women who ditched 'mediocre husbands' about the reality of living life alone in your 50s and 60s

What's worse: being alone or being with someone who doesn't make you happy? This is something I've addressed in my books and discussed with friends many (many) times, without ever finding a definitive answer.The reason why is because everyone's view is intensely personal. I would much rather be alone than lonely in a relationship; I know other women who say any half decent guy is better than no guy.I talked to two women with very different viewpoints. One says stay no matter what, the other spread your wings and fly. Both have advice to give...'YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR: LIFE SOLO IS BLISS'Ellen, now 64, became unexpectedly single at 49 – and absolutely loves it.'My advice to any woman who is worried about being lonely after leaving a bad or boring marriage is this: fear nothing. Jump! It's brilliant on the other side.'I was just about to turn 50 when my partner of ten years died unexpectedly of a heart attack. I was sad but while we got along OK, we were completely incompatible. He loved watching sport and betting and seeing his friends down the pub. I wasn't interested in any of this. What's worse: being alone or being with someone who doesn't make you happy? British relationship expert Tracey Cox (pictured) has chatted to two women with very different viewpoints'It was increasingly obvious that we wanted completely different things. If he hadn't died, it would have ended - probably amicably because I think he felt the same way.'My kids worried I'd be lonely and were desperate for me to meet someone else. I grieved, of course, but then felt like an enormous weight had lifted. I was alone for the first time in my life and for the first time I felt free.'I'd been married and had other long-term relationships and never really been single for long. My overriding thought was: Why? Why did I put so much energy into trying to make it work with men? None of them were right. What a waste of time! What a waste of my life.'Single, I could do whatever I wanted without having to ask anyone's permission. Why didn't I realise earlier what bliss that could be? All that rubbish about needing a man to "complete yourself." It's a big, fat lie.'I bought a modest place for myself. My daughter got me a rescue dog which I adored. My friends rallied around and I got friendly with my neighbours. I have great kids who are very much in my life. I couldn't believe how good life was. 'I could eat what I wanted when I wanted. Go to bed without someone snoring or wanting sex I didn't want. Spend the whole weekend binging on whatever shows I wanted to see. I answered to no-one but myself.'I am now 64 and still feel the same. I get asked out by men. There's been a few that have wanted a relationship over those years. But I'm not interested. I couldn't think of anything worse than being in a relationship again.'I admit I am an optimistic person. You need to be able to sit with yourself to enjoy life alone. But it's a skill you can learn.'I'm sure some people look in and think, "Poor thing. All on her own at her age". How deluded society is. Men die first in most marriages and lots of women are left on their own. What do they do? Turn to other women, join groups, get on with it and have a lovely time together. 'What do men do? Grab the nearest woman they can find and cling on. Women are far more resilient and resourceful and independent than society gives us credit for.''WHAT'S THE POINT OF ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T HAVE SOMEONE TO SHARE IT WITH?'Amy left her husband at 35. She is now 52 and hasn't had a meaningful relationship since.'I had a great husband but left him because I thought I could do better. We married in our mid 20s and by 35 I thought I'd outgrown him. 'He had the looks but wasn't ambitious while my career was thriving. People kept telling me I could do better and I believed them.'Single, he was inundated with women wanting him and remarried fast. I quickly realised the grass wasn't greener and have been unhappily single ever since.'I'm not miserable all the time. My life is very full. I have lots of good friends, my career is still interesting and I don't lack money. I go to great restaurants, holiday in glam destinations and lack for nothing - except romantic love. And not having that makes everything else utterly pointless.'I have no-one to share all this with. This thought hovers at the back of my mind whenever I experience anything good. 'What's the point of the great sofa if no-one is sitting on it with me? What's the point of the view if no-one's looking at it with me? Not having someone to share things with robs me of enjoyment of everything.'It's made worse by the awful truth that I had what I am now desperate for: a nice man and a happy relationship. I still see my ex, he's friends with friends of mine. It kills me.'He and his wife are so happy. He knows I regret leaving but didn't gloat, just looked at me with sadness that looked a lot like pity. 'All the friends who told me to get out there and find someone who was more "worthy" of me all spoke from the safety of their marriages. Not one single girlfriend told me to leave, now I think about it. They know what it's like.'Underlying it all is a sense of shame: What's wrong with me that I can't find someone who wants to share their life with me? If I'm alone after all this time it must be my fault somehow.'I'm so tired of doing everything myself. You need people to help you do stuff. I can't wear a dress I love because I can't reach around to do up the buttons on the back. 'Friends and family come to stay, and I don't ever want them to leave. Just having someone there with me, breathing the same air. Walking into the bathroom and finding the mirror misted up and wet towels. I long for proof of life.'No-one close to me realises just how lonely I am. I'm too embarrassed to tell them. But I can give advice, anonymously, to anyone considering ditching a man who is even semi-OK and going it alone. Don't. You'll regret it for the rest of your life.' HOW TO BE HAPPY LIVING ALONE Single doesn't mean sad. Here's some simple ways to make your life more meaningful and fun:Get a dog. They're terrific company and it's a great way to meet new friends.Join things. A friend of mine, completely anti any games or clubs, now plays Mahjong. She loves it and has a whole new circle of friends.Turn the telly on. If your home feels too quiet and empty, hearing noise coming from another room helps.Build a core group of four friends. One best friend is great, but you need more than one person you can rely on. They could be workmates, family members: find four people who have your back.Don't assume you're lonely just because you're alone. Lots of people enjoy solitude and find it liberating and relaxing.Ask for help if you need it. Friends like helping; find professionals to also support you. A good accountant. A great handyman (or service like Task Rabbit). A therapist, if you need it. All will make you feel self-sufficient.Get a flatmate or take in a lodger. If you don't like living alone, don't. Take in a student, share your house with a friend.Touch matters. Get a massage, hug friends properly, do a dance class, pat a pet. Skin hunger is real, but you don't need a romantic partner to provide it.Find purpose, don't just fill in time. It doesn't have to be worthy; just have some projects on the go. Redecorate a room. Come up with a list of books you've always wanted to read. Study. Track down friends you had in high school and still think about.Stay sexual. That might mean satisfying yourself. Or it might mean friends with benefits. Sex doesn't have to stop just because you're single.