Should YOU just give up on finding love? It's the advice no woman wants to hear, but there comes a point when you MUST stay single. Here's how to tell if you're in the danger zone: TRACEY COX

Jennifer Lopez has walked down the aisle four times. She’s called off two engagements. And just when you thought she might fancy a breather she’s back out there dating Brett Goldstein, her co-star from Office Romance.J-Lo is the poster girl for hope triumphing over reality – and she’s in good company. Elizabeth Taylor married eight times, Joan Collins five. Pamela Anderson has been down the aisle more often than most of us have changed jobs (six times to different men). Kim Kardashian, 46, already has three marriages behind her and rarely spends long between romances. Hollywood is littered with serial romantics who go from one relationship to the next, barely pausing to catch their breath, let alone ask themselves what’s going on.It’s easy to dismiss it as a celebrity thing but plenty of us mere mortals do the same, just minus the paparazzi. We’ve all got a friend who is never single for more than five minutes, who’s always just ‘finally met the one’ and is devastated six months later.Perhaps you’re the friend. Jennifer Lopez is 'casually dating' her Office Romance co-star Brett Goldstein after splitting from her third husband Ben Affleck in 2024So, here’s the question it feels rude to ask: is there a point when you should stop looking for love altogether? If not forever, at least for long enough to take a good, honest look at yourself?The answer is yes!It’s normal to have relationships that don’t work out. But if you stopped counting when the fourth long-term or serious relationship failed and are continuing to lurch from one to another to another, there’s a common denominator here.You.This isn’t about blame – lots of serial romantics have good reasons why they can’t seem to make love work. It’s more about facing up to some uncomfortable truths.Either you’re making bad choices and repeatedly picking people who are wrong for you, or there’s something you’re doing (or not doing) that stops relationships from succeeding.Two quotes for you: The definition of madness is doing what you’ve always done and expecting a different outcome. The second: Wherever you go, there you are.Both were written for the serial dater. You can swap the partner all you like but all your relationships will continue to turn out the same because you drag all your old issues into the new one. And the more disasters you have, the bigger that pile of issues will be.Unless, of course, you stop and do the work. Tracey Cox says that if you've been through four-long term relationships that haven't worked out, you should call off the search for love - at least for the next five years THE FIVE-YEAR LOVE DETOXThe only way to reset your relationships is to take a break. A five-year plan sounds extreme, I know, and this can work over a shorter period.But consider how long you’ve been repeating this pattern. If you’ve spent a decade (or more) stumbling from one painful relationship to another, you need time to genuinely change.This doesn’t mean you become a hermit. Keep your friends, family and a social life, just stop the dating part.Year one: Be aloneNo dating. No apps. No ‘just seeing what’s out there’. No sex with an ex or friends with benefits. Feel what happens when you are truly single. Sit with the uncomfortable sadness of being alone. Think about your relationships and look for patterns. Most serial romantics who break the habit start to see that while the person changes, the relationships all follow the same pattern.Year two: Get helpIf you can, see a therapist, ideally one who understands attachment styles. (Therapy is much more affordable these days with plenty of online options like Betterhelp.com.) If you can’t afford it or don’t fancy it, be your own therapist. There are lots of websites and books on the topic.I love ‘Attached’ by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. Do the quiz, find your style. What do you tolerate in relationships that most other people wouldn’t? How do you behave? What are you most scared of? Write it all down.Year three: Build a happy life soloOne that doesn’t need a partner to complete it. Spend time with friends, travel, exercise, join some clubs, retrain or revamp your career. Learn to enjoy your own company. The aim is to know you can be happy single and happy in a relationship. Your choices are entirely different when you’re in this mindset.Year four: Test yourselfOk, so now you’re allowed to meet new potential partners – on one proviso. That you don’t treat every encounter as a relationship audition. Your only expectation is to have a nice time. Stay in the moment and notice who you’re drawn to. Is it the same old type or has something shifted? How do you react when your date is really kind to you? Your old habits will try to rear their head but now you can spot and stop them.Year five: Decide what you really wantWrite a list of qualities that are must haves for you but make it personality traits, not how they look or what they earn. Also write down five non-negotiable things you expect from your nextrelationship. It might be, ‘Someone I can trust implicitly in all areas of my life’ or ‘Someone who shows affection easily’. Keep these lists handy and check them every few weeks or once a month when you start your next relationship. If the person isn’t living up to your expectations, needs and wants, don’t stay in the relationship.Follow this plan faithfully and you’ll enter your next relationship as a new person. One who is more confident and more choosey because why wouldn’t you be with such high self-esteem and self-understanding?FOUR REASONS WHY YOUR RELATIONSHIPS KEEP FAILINGRelationships fail for many reasons, but a long list of disasters usually involves a mix of these factors.You can’t bear being alone Some people jump into relationships not because they’ve met someone fabulous but because they’re lonely or don’t like being alone. It’s a fair enough reason to choose someone but if you choose from need rather than want, you’ll tolerate red flags you’d normally spot a mile off.Your attachment style is running the showThe template for how you behave when you’re in love is formed during our childhood; namely, how secure our parents made us feel. If your attachment style is anxious, you cling, need constant reassurance and read rejection into a text that’s three minutes late. If you’re avoidant, you panic when someone gets close and pull away just when things are getting good. Both are classic relationship wreckers. (It’s worth reading more on this if it’s speaking to you. This was my problem: I was anxious avoidant. An attachment style combination you really don’t want! Recognising that was what’s made me so happy today.)You confuse chemistry with compatibilityIf you keep picking the same type (usually the charming, exciting, emotionally unavailable one), ask yourself what you’re really attracted to. Often the intense hit we call ‘chemistry’ is simply familiarity: an old, painful dynamic being replayed. Calm, kind and consistent can feel boring if you’re wired for drama but that’s exactly what you need for a good relationship.Your old wounds haven’t healedTrust issues usually play a big part in why serial daters struggle to have long-term relationships. If someone cheated on you or let you down badly, you may be entering every new relationship waiting for the other shoe to drop. Checking their phone, playing ‘If you loved me’ games, sabotaging things before they can be sabotaged. You’re always punishing the new person for what the last one didYou’ll find more advice at traceycox.com