Rubbing the Australian XI up the wrong way

October 28, 2026 — 9:00pmRegarding the overnight Test action, Don Bain of Port Macquarie isn’t sure “whether the sports reporter was being intentionally punny when he opined that crowd commentary at Newlands, home of sandpapergate, might be ‘abrasive’.” Such wordsmithery can occur in all codes. Granny just heard noted rugby league intellect Denan Kemp accuse the management of NRL halfback Sam Walker of “Playing chicken with the Roosters.”Still (kinda) in Cape Town, Richard Ansoul of Tanunda (SA) recalls that “as an impecunious student, our daughter, Claire Ansoul, won a Herald competition to name a themed dream team of Australian cricketers (all left-handers, Masons etc) in season 1987-88. As winner, she received a double pass to the Tests. Her motley team consisted of men who had all been filmed on the field, picking their nose. Look out for her in the stands at Newlands.”David Baird of Burradoo is feeling pretty ticked-off right now: “I’d like to see a downtick in the word ‘uptick’. Ironically, I’d like to see an uptick in the word ‘increase’.”“Gail Grogan (C8) brought back fond memories of reading the Herald aboard the train,” writes Lawford Steele of Scarborough. “Gail said ‘It was awkward folding the pages’ and I remembered being complimented on my skill at being able to flick, turn and fold the broadsheet Herald to the required size without upsetting adjacent commuters.”Merran Loewenthal of Vienna, Austria, has more on the Halloween alternative (Martin Luther Day) for David Morrison (C8): “In Germany and Austria and most Catholic European countries, November 1, All Saints’ Day, is a national holiday, if you happen to be of the Lutheran faith, you are also entitled to enjoy a holiday on Reformationstag, October 31!”“Say it ain’t so,” laments Ted Richards of Batemans Bay. “Are Iced VoVos really smaller now, or is it just my imagination?”“Dorset Sutton’s sad tale (C8) brings to mind the time many years ago when I was studying solicitor’s bookkeeping at the end of my law course,” says Dave Clark of Springside. “The prescribed text, written by a member of an esteemed legal family, dispensed with the usual accountant’s terms of ‘debits’ and ‘credits’ and replaced them with ‘devours’ and ‘conveys’ – a move which converted what was already an arcane subject into something almost completely incomprehensible. Despite that, I managed to struggle through the exam.” Well, we know that Dave can at least count to five.Column8@smh.com.auNo attachments, please.Include name, suburb and daytime phone.More:Column 8OpinionFor subscribersUniversityTest cricketNRL player movementsThe Sydney Morning HeraldWordPlayFrom our partners