Rooney spoke for BBC viewers, the nation and planet earth with his half-time show verdict

WELL, Gabby Logan did ask Wayne Rooney his thoughts on the World Cup final’s half-time “break.” And he spoke for BBC1 viewers, the nation and planet earth when he gave them. Wayne Rooney hilariously called the World Cup final half-time show ‘crap’ Credit: BBC SPORT Fans hailed the ex-England captain as ‘a man of the people’ for ‘saying what we’re all thinking’ Credit: BBC “I thought that was crap.” He could’ve been talking about the first 45 minutes of the game, mind you, which left a global audience of billions needing a lift. Sign up for the TV newsletter Thank you! Instead… It started with a horrifyingly taut Madonna doing (Small mercies) an old one at a roller disco, which she left in a mobility scooter accompanied by what I thought were fat lookalikes of Brazilian legends Ronaldo and Ronaldinho, but turned out to be the real thing. Such was the surreal nature of the cheese dream that followed, I thought, for one awful moment, Madonna had reappeared playing guitar, later in “the entertainment.” But wiser heads assured me it was Janice from The Muppets, backed by Kermit and Animal. Shakira performs at the Fifa World Cup Final halftime show Credit: Getty Images Madonna performs with Ronaldinho and Ronaldo Credit: Fox Also present and doing their best to turn sport’s greatest event into The Eurovision Song Contest? An incredibly morose Justin Bieber, Burna Boy (Me neither), Shakira and BTS. We can’t say we weren’t warned, of course. Signs were not good even before kick-off when Jennifer Hudson absolutely murdered the Star Spangled Banner. Most read in TV Nor did the singing improve with Nicole Scherzinger and a tracksuited Robbie Williams who’d clearly been told he was attending a Sopranos-themed fancy dress party in New Jersey. Any chance association football might emerge from a pretty wretched night with its dignity still intact though, was effectively ruined and ended in the space of 27 minutes and 19 seconds of that marathon half-time assault. There is now only one way the sport’s governing body can possibly salvage its reputation. Wayne Rooney for FIFA President. Comment now