Psychologist shares 15-second trick to make kids of any age less rude and more cooperative

Sometimes, it can feel like half of parenting is repeating yourself over and over again, asking your child to brush their teeth or take a dish from the living room to the sink. It’s exhausting and makes you feel like a nag. Don’t you wish there was a simple way to make your kids listen the first time? Dr. Rebecca Kennedy, aka “Dr. Becky,” is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Good Inside who says she has a quick way to make your kids more cooperative and less rude. She’s also the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Good Inside, and her platform now has more than 100,000 paying subscribers, according to Fortune. Talk about killing two soul-crushing birds with one parenting stone. Dr. Becky has said she got into psychology after struggling with anorexia as a teenager. The 15-second question to ask “Okay, no matter how old your kid is, you can use this 15-second tip to decrease rudeness and increase cooperation,” she says in a TikTok video she posted in April 2024. “Find your child today and ask them this question. ‘Hey, I was just wondering, what could I do better as your parent?’” A mom and son talk on the couch. Photo credit: Canva The psychologist says that even if the child gives a random or impractical answer such as “Let me stay up ’til midnight” or “I’d like to eat macaroni and cheese for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” parents should just listen. In her view, simply listening can change your child’s behavior. She says we should also ask more questions to further the conversation: “Tell me more. What would that be like?” “I mean, imagine your boss coming to you randomly and asking how they could be a better manager to you. Just by asking the question and listening,” she continued. Dr. Becky says that asking our kids how we’re doing as parents communicates three essential ideas: “I care about you. I respect you. I’m invested in this relationship.” This type of questioning builds a connection with a child that can spill over into other behaviors. “You’re building connection. And with more connection always comes more cooperation,” she ends the video. Why listening builds cooperation The big takeaway from the video is that when we enhance our connection with our kids, they may be less likely to disobey or be rude because they feel heard and respected, so there’s no need to act out. Dr. Becky’s tip isn’t backed by a study of its own, but it fits with research on parenting styles, which has found that kids with behavior problems are more likely to improve over time when parents adopt authoritative practices, meaning warmth and two-way communication paired with clear expectations. They will also return that respect by listening to you when you have a request, such as taking out the trash or putting down their phone and coming to dinner. Some people in the comments got funny responses when they asked their kids what they could improve. “I asked my 5yr old. I got a mildly scathing look and she said ‘erm, maybe try and burn dinner less next time?’” one parent wrote. “My 5 yo told me to look better and get a haircut,” another added. Dr. Becky’s quick question is a great way for parents to strengthen their relationships when things are going well instead of trying to forge connections during conflict. It’s a great reminder that even when parenting, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Dr. Becky sums up the importance of prevention in her TikTok caption: “When we use strategies like this in calm moments, we reduce the frequency of difficult moments with our kids,” she wrote. This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.