Playfight with stepdad spilled over into full-on sex and now I’m ­pregnant with his child

DEAR DEIDRE: A STUPID playfight with my stepdad spilled over into full-on sex and now I’m ­pregnant with his child. I’ve always liked him. He’s 31 and he is a manager of a holiday camp in the resort where we live. My mum is 42 and they’ve been together for two years. They met when she got a job as the cleaning manager, looking after the team who cleaned the camp. I’m still at college and I’ve just turned 19. I’ve had boyfriends before but there’s no one special at the moment. My stepdad moved in with us just after last Christmas. Recently, Mum went off on a spa weekend with friends, leaving me at home with my stepdad. One night, there was a power cut and our whole street was in darkness. I was a bit spooked but my stepdad reassured me. As we looked around for the ­candles, he put his arm around me — telling me not to worry. He then started tickling me and I put my hands up his jumper, doing the same. We ended up play-fighting on the floor. When I got up to run away, he pulled my pyjamas, stretching them so he could see my naked body beneath. I was embarrassed but he pulled me towards him and we ended up kissing passionately. We went to my room and had sex. I asked him about condoms but he said he couldn’t have children. But then I was late for my period and I realised how silly I’d been. A pregnancy test confirmed it. When I told my stepdad he said either the test was wrong or I’d been having sex with somebody else, but that’s not true. It is his. He’s furious and says I have to “get rid”. I don’t know what to do. DEIDRE SAYS: The decision is yours, not his. If you decide to keep the baby, you will have to tell your mum what has happened. Keeping the father’s identity hidden is not an option – it would be hugely complicated if he was still living with you, and secrets have a habit of coming out. Your mum will understandably be upset when she learns that this guy isn’t to be trusted but it’s crucial she knows the truth. You might be above the age of consent but he has hugely taken advantage of you. Talk to somebody about making the right decision for you. My support pack, Unplanned Pregnancy, will show you where to find emotional help. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. MY SON’S KIDS ARE LIVING IN SQUALOR DEAR DEIDRE: I AM so worried for my granddaughters, as my son and his partner are living in a filthy home. They have been together for ten years and rent a house a long way from us. The little girls are four and six. The last time we visited, the place was such a mess. The cooker was covered in old spillages and the floor was sticky. There were piles of dirty laundry everywhere. I helped them by doing some washing and ironing and my son’s girlfriend seemed grateful. We have just been to visit them again – we book accommodation nearby – and the place is as bad as ever. I was a stay-at-home mum so I guess I had more time, whereas my son and his partner work full-time. I’m 52 and my son and his partner are 28. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: If the girls are happy, healthy and loved, then you don’t need to worry about the house being a tip. Some families have different ways of living, and yes, when parents with a young family are both working, some things are less important. If they were grateful for the help last time, offer to help when you visit again, but do tread carefully. They could be offended if they think you are saying they are not clean. The house might not be up to your standards, but the important thing is spending time with those little girls, not doing chores. PUT OFF BY HER PARENTS’ RICHES DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL unhappy in my relationship because my girlfriend’s parents are so rich and money-focussed. She is about to turn 26 and I know that I’ll never compete with the kind of birthday present they will buy her. I’m a man of 27 and I’ve got a good job but I’m not materialistic at all. Neither are my family. At Christmas, I bought my girlfriend a jumper and a silver necklace. Her parents bought her some huge diamond earrings and designer shoes. They live in a big house and swap their cars as often as I change my socks. They go on big adventure holidays and cruises. Her parents are always interfering with our lives too, asking how much money we are making and when we are going to buy our first house. We’ve been together less than a year so we’re renting a place. My girlfriend is bright and fun, and she loves whatever I buy her but I feel so much out of her league – or her parents’ league anyway. DEIDRE SAYS: You won’t be living your life with her parents, just their daughter. They may enjoy spoiling her and that is up to them. You might find out that they haven’t had money growing up so they are proud of what they’ve achieved and are happy to splash the cash. But you don’t have to compete in any way. If they are asking questions about your finances, you are not obliged to answer them. You can be assertive without being rude by simply saying, “This isn’t something I’m ready to discuss.” If other aspects of your relationship are good, it would be a shame to throw the towel in because of her parents’ financial status. Talk to your girlfriend about your concerns and she may be able to reassure you. MUM’S LOVER IS PAL’S DAD… AND WE ARE GOING ON HOL DEAR DEIDRE: NOW I finally know why Mum kept two mobile phones going – it’s because she’s having an affair. The man she has been seeing is a family friend and our two families are due to go on holiday together. We all live in the same village. I’m a girl of 17 and they have a daughter my age, and a younger son. I have a little brother of 12. I asked Mum why she still had two phones but she said she liked the old one and asked me not to tell Dad. One afternoon when she was busy, I couldn’t help but look at her old phone. It was full of disgusting messages from this other man. Our families are going camping together. Should I say something? DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, but to your mum, not your dad. Explain that you saw a message come up on her phone. It might make her realise that having an affair is not worth the price. Nobody can know what a relationship is really like except for those in it, and that goes for your parents too. But now you know what’s going on, you can tell your mum that she has to stop the affair, or she has to tell your dad. If she does neither, you’ll tell him. She has already brought you into her secret and that isn’t fair. My support pack Worried About Your Parents will help you.