Our School System Is Making a Big Change in the Name of Equity. I Can’t Tell How Bad This Is Going to Be.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, Our kids are in 5th and 7th grade and are both B students. Neither needs extra academic support at this point, but neither is winning childhood Nobel prizes, either. Their school system currently has a tracked class design: kids in 6th grade and up can be in remedial classes, average classes, or advanced classes for core subjects. Next year, the school system is doing away with this in the name of equity, and also to reduce staffing. All classes will include all levels of students, and the teachers will teach all of them at once (with the exception that kids can continue to opt into AP classes). Our older child is in mostly average classes and two advanced classes. Our younger child would probably have a similar breakdown if separate program tracks were to continue. While I’m not happy about this outcome, I feel like it could be OK? But other parents are completely freaking out—moving away or sending their kids to private school. My husband hadn’t been paying much attention to the process, but now he’s talking to other parents and freaking out, too. We can’t afford private school tuition, and I can’t tell how bad this is going to be. What should we do? —Trying to Plan Ahead Dear Trying to Plan Ahead, I really don’t see how panicking in advance will help any of you, although I do think it makes sense for you and your husband to talk amongst yourselves about your concerns. Until the school year begins, you can really only guess about what these changes will look like, and what they will actually mean for your specific kids. It’s okay to wait and see. But you can also be ready with questions, and start looking for answers as soon as the new year begins. With such a major change on the horizon, the school system as well as your children’s individual schools should be trying to keep families informed. Do your part to maintain open and respectful communication with your school and your kids’ teachers. Find out how the schools are working to ensure that students still get the instruction, support, and opportunities they need. Communication with your own kids will be just as crucial, although I know it can be hard to get them to talk about what happens at school. Try to find out what they’re experiencing once classes begin, and whether the changes are having an impact on them. Are they managing the workload? Does it seem like too much, or not enough? Are they understanding the material? If not, are they getting the help they need? Thinking ahead: If you want your children to be able to take some AP classes in high school, you can try to make sure they’re taking—and keeping up with—the middle-school courses that will help them prepare for those. I get that no one loves change, and there are many who have probably prejudged this situation, assuming the very worst. But you don’t have to join anyone in freaking out before you actually know how it will go for your kids. Even if it doesn’t work as well as you hope, it’s not like private school will be your only choice—you can try to help your kids more at home, look for online resources, and/or consider hiring a tutor (none of which means that you have to give up on trying to hold your school system accountable). Once you know more about whether and how your individual children are affected by the one-track policy, you’ll be better able to assess the challenges as well as your own family’s options. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My almost 3-year-old daughter absolutely hates wearing shoes. Getting them on her is a wrestling match, and she will remove them the first chance she gets. It’s summer, so she’s in flip-flops (which she barely tolerates) right now, but she goes back to pre-K next month and I’m dreading the inevitable battles. Any suggestions for getting her to accept that shoes are a necessity when she goes places? —Shoe Squabbles Dear Shoe Squabbles, Assuming you’ve ruled out a medical issue or obvious fit issue, it’s likely to be a sensory issue of some sort, and there may be a way to address it that makes shoes a bit more tolerable for her. Some kids do better with seamless socks, for example, so they don’t always feel the seam shifting around or pressing against their toes. Are there any somewhat sturdier shoes your daughter tolerates besides sandals? Crocs, perhaps, or a very lightweight sneaker? You can experiment with the type of shoe—some are specifically made to be more flexible and breathable and/or have thinner, softer soles. Some can be worn without socks, or are designed to feel more like socks on the inside, and can just be thrown in the washing machine when they get smelly. See if your daughter is willing to look at options and pick a couple of pairs out; she may be slightly more likely to wear shoes she chose herself. Whenever possible, try to encourage her to practice wearing them for short stretches only at a time when she’s calm, and when you don’t necessarily have to get out the door in the next five minutes. You could also introduce small rewards at times when she does wear her shoes without a fuss, and slowly fade those once she’s in a better pattern. —Nicole More Parenting Advice From Slate I am the mother of a very outgoing and charming 2-and-a-half-year-old girl. People often tell me she brightens their day with her warm and caring disposition. I adore her personality and want to continue to foster her open nature. However, I also want to teach her healthy boundary setting, particularly when it comes to stranger danger. I am struggling right now with the realization that the world at large is not quite aligned with what I imagined to be obvious boundaries—for example, don’t touch a child or anyone you don’t know. Recently, we were at a museum when a stranger interacted with her in a manner that I found to be very concerning. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. 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