Our Neighbor Teaches Yoga On Her Back Patio. I Really Don’t Like What My Husband Is Doing About It.

How to Do It This seems so wrong. Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by ADDICTIVE STOCK CORE/Adobe Stock. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, A woman who teaches yoga classes out of her home moved in next door last month and frequently holds lessons outside on her backyard patio. Our second story window affords a full view of all that goes on, and I really don’t appreciate what my husband is doing about it. He frequently masturbates while watching them. I think what he’s doing is wrong and have said as much. His response is that he’s not hurting anyone so it’s fine. It isn’t, right? —Obscene Audience Dear Obscene Audience, What your husband is doing certainly qualifies as “creepy.” But if he’s totally hidden and his masturbation is completely undetectable, it’s not necessarily illegal, or even immoral, for that matter. People often use material they’ve observed for masturbation inspiration and while this is not often done in real time, I’m not sure that there’s much of a difference between what he’s doing and fantasizing. (Why your husband finds yoga so hot over, say, actual porn is another matter, but I’m going to stick with the spirit of non-judgment.) Undoubtedly, if the people he’s masturbating to were aware, at least some portion of them would be skeeved out, but this is truly a case of what they don’t know not hurting them. In fact, if knowing is the real criterion here, your husband’s biggest error was allowing you to be aware of his viewing preference. And I think that is the most compelling reason for him to stop. If you can highlight a demonstrable way in which this affects you—maybe it makes you see him differently and you’re turned off or less likely to have sex with him now—you should say that. I think to be compelling, you’re going to have to do more than just say that what he’s doing is wrong because then you’re locked in a moral battle with his dick and his dick is probably going to win. If you can’t actually muster a reason beyond the ick, your best move is probably to ignore him. —Rich More Advice From Slate I am aromantic, which is leading to a problem: The women I most want to have sex with, and the type of sex I most enjoy, seem to always be followed by an expectation of a relationship. Explaining my lack of interest in romantic connection—I just want friendship—seems to scare every woman I’ve been interested in sleeping with into running. How do I combine the women I’m interested in with the type of interaction I want to have? Advice Sex