Our Daughter Finally Made a New Friend. Then My Wife Found Out What Her Mom Does for a Living.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife, “Laney,” and I have two kids, a toddler and “Sarah,” 6. A few months back, “Caroline” moved in halfway down the block. She has a daughter, “Gracie,” who is the same age as Sarah, and the two quickly became friends. Recently, however, we received some information about Caroline that has Laney wanting to erase her from our lives, and by extension, Gracie from Sarah’s. One of my friends was over working with me on my car last week when Caroline came by to drop Gracie off to play. I noticed my friend staring at Caroline and figured it’s because she’s really stacked. After she left, he told me that she is an adult movie actress. I Googled the professional name he gave me and watched a bunch of her movies to confirm it was her and realized he was correct. The thing is that Laney is now squicked out and doesn’t want us or Sarah to have anything to do with Caroline. To me, Caroline is a perfectly nice, normal person, and I don’t care what she does for a living. There also aren’t many kids in the neighborhood our daughter’s age, and I don’t think this is a valid reason for costing her a friend. What can I do to convince my wife that Caroline isn’t some kind of deviant? —Profession Doesn’t Make Her a Pervert Dear Profession, Hmm. It doesn’t sound like your prudish, paranoid wife would be thrilled that you “watched a bunch” of Caroline’s porno movies in order to protect the sanctity of your household and the safety of your daughter, so let’s put that aside for now. I don’t think you can convince your wife that “stacked” (come on, dad!) Caroline is not a sexual deviant. But try to get Laney to understand the two people she’s potentially hurting the most here—Sarah and Grace—don’t deserve it. Our family lives in Los Angeles, and my kids’ schools are crawling with parents who are obnoxious podcasters, sex-pest movie producers, dopey YouTube influencers, and one father who insisted on doing pick-up and drop-off completely barefoot. All of those parents bug me in ways that I know are totally unwarranted and fueled by my own long-standing issues of insecurity and inadequacy. But if their kids get along with mine and develop a close friendship, that’s all that matters. I can eye-roll all I want in private about the other parents as long as I don’t damage my kids’ friendships. You and your wife should do the same, and we should all work on keeping our opinions about other people to ourselves. —A.J. More Parenting Advice From Slate My husband and I have been married for four years and have been together almost six in a very loving and fulfilling relationship. He has two children, tweens, from a previous marriage, and we have a toddler together. He is a wonderful, attentive, fun, caring, involved father who loves being a dad—it’s his favorite thing in life. And it seems to come so naturally and easily to him! It’s not as easy for me. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids