Mystery over why Harry & Meghan are coming back is dwarfed by mystery of how they can AFFORD it. The math doesn’t add up

AS grand entrances go – or should I say re-entrances – it takes some beating. Six years after dramatically exiting the UK in a fit of pique at how awful they perceived it to be, the Sussexes have announced they are once again to grace us with their presence. The mstery over why Harry and Meghan are coming back is dwarfed by mystery of how they can AFFORD it Credit: AFP Harry and others lost their recent ‘invasion of privacy’ case against Associated newspapers and have been ordered by the judge to pay a preliminary £9.54million in costs Credit: Splash For what duration, we don’t know. Long enough to enrol the kids in school from September, but maybe not permanent as it seems they’re retaining their mega-mansion in Montecito so the chickens still have somewhere to live. There are myriad queries surrounding this curious volte-face from Harry’s comment last year that: “I can’t see a world in which I would bring my wife and children back to the UK at this point.” But the biggest question of all is: How the hell are they paying for all this? There’s the aforementioned 16-bedroom home in LA with its “tennis court, pool, gym, sauna, five-car garage, and rose garden”. Then there’s the “holiday home” on an exclusive golf and ocean complex on Portugal’s west coast which cost a reported £6.3million. And, with the offer of a grace and favour royal property presumably unforthcoming, it seems they’ll be renting or buying somewhere in the UK — with celebrity enclave the Cotswolds emerging as the favourite bet. So let’s do “the math”, as the Americans say. The running costs of the Montecito home are reportedly £1.5million a year when you factor in energy bills, domestic staff, gardeners, maintenance etc. And one imagines that the place in Portugal won’t be of the “lock up and leave” variety, so there’ll probably be a live-in couple paid to guard and maintain it in the Sussexes’ absence. The running costs of the Montecito home are reportedly £1.5million a year (stock image) Credit: AFP If Meghan’s rumoured role in the next series of Netflix’s The Gentleman is true, the fee would barely cover the cost of the couple’s annual flower bill Credit: Splash Then there’s the cost of breathing the same hallowed air of others residing on the “ultra-exclusive” gated complex — an upfront joining fee of approximately £150,000 and annual service fees of around £30,000. Which brings us to the Cotswolds, home to the Beckhams, Ellen DeGeneres, Kate Moss, Amanda Holden, Ellie Goulding, Calvin Harris etc, not to mention Princess Anne and the King and Queen. Assuming that Archie and Lilibet will attend a private school, that will cost around £60,000 a year as day pupils, rising to £100,000 if they were ever to board. Meanwhile, one imagines that Meghan will gravitate towards the curated luxury lifestyle offered by places such as the members-only Soho Farmhouse (overseen by her chum Markus Anderson) and the posh farm shop-cum-health club Daylesford. Neither come cheap. So, unless one of their many homes has a magic money tree in the garden, they’re going to have to sell a lot of Meghan’s “As Ever” jams to cover the costs. When Princess Diana died in 1997, she left William and Harry approximately £6.5million each, which was invested on their behalf by the Royal Family’s financial advisers. By the time Harry received the full sum on his 30th birthday, it had grown to around £10million. Which, to the average Joe, is a small fortune. But when you’re paying for all of the above, have no discernible regular income, and a taste for the high life, you’d burn through it pretty quickly. And I haven’t even factored in the cost of their round-the-clock security and Harry’s fondness for expensive legal actions. He and others lost their recent “invasion of privacy” case against Associated newspapers and have been ordered by the judge to pay a preliminary £9.54million in costs to the publishers of the Daily Mail by this Friday. However wealthy you are, it’s serious money that requires oligarch levels of funding. Even if Meghan’s rumoured role in the next series of Netflix’s The Gentleman comes off, the fee would barely cover the cost of the couple’s annual flower bill. So where’s the money coming from? It’s as big a mystery as their reason for returning here so suddenly. BIN THE BEAUTY THE long, hot summer means residents of London’s posh Notting Hill are plagued by influencers posing outside their beautifully maintained houses. They’re blocking doorways and some are jumping over walls for a better shot “for the ’gram”. “This year seems to be the busiest so far,” said one resident. Another described the influencers as a “pain in the neck”. Try a couple of over-flowing bins in the front garden and replace the pretty shutters with a scruffy blanket taped across the glass. They’ll decamp elsewhere before you can say “clickbait”. Joy to see Emily beam on big day Emily Atack radiated joy as she tied the knot with husband Alistair Garner Credit: George Gottlieb / @GeorgeOnABoat RIVALS star Emily Atack has spoken openly in the past about her history of anxiety and depression. It was exacerbated by an onslaught of online abuse that included sexual harassment and threats to her life. So how wonderful to see her radiating joy as she got hitched at the weekend. Held in the garden of the Bedfordshire home she shares with new husband Alistair Garner, a scientist, and their young son, Emily described it as a “beautifully chaotic” family wedding. It seems that she’s finally found the happiness she deserves. Congratulations to them both. TAKE SOME BALLS PRINCESS CHARLOTTE is reportedly playing netball at a high level. As the ball is thrown rather than kicked, it’s a popular misconception that the sport isn’t as demanding as football. But trust me, at county level and above, it’s about as hardcore as it gets. And one of my daughters has the fractured kneecap to show for it. SHOES BARELY THERE Chanel’s ‘barefoot sandals’, modelled here by Margaret Qualley, cost £2,200 Credit: Getty THE world of fashion has had a few Emperor’s New Clothes moments in its time. The Balenciaga “trash pouch” that looked like a bin bag for £1,200, the Gucci “grass-stain” jeans for £500, the Hermes “chewing gum holder” for £800, and the £350 poo bag holder from Celine all spring to mind. But now Chanel has perhaps trumped them all with its, er, “barefoot sandals” for £2,200, modelled here by actress Margaret Qualley at a film premiere. With just a small piece of leather covering the heel and a thin strap hugging the ankle, the majority of the foot is completely and ludicrously bare to the elements, broken glass, pavement gum etc. So whatever this shoe/sandal/boot is for, it sure ain’t made for walking. SOUL LOT OF LOVE ANOTHER blushing bride was actress AnnaLynne McCord, former star of US teen show 90210. Once fearful of marriage, she said in her vows that she now sees it as: “This wildly sacred ritual of bringing my soul home. When I came to Earth, my soul split in two.” She added: “I didn’t know the other half had been living in the United Kingdom as a rugby player all this time. This marriage is the return of my whole soul. We get to walk each other home.” Yes folks, she’s talking about “ladies man” Danny Cipriani who “told me he loved me since the day he met me” (uh-oh) and who left his UK-based previous wife Victoria Rose “without explanation or notice” in January 2024 to start a new life in the US. But, hey, love is a strange thing and all that, so congratulations to them too. Let’s hope “my soul” doesn’t rapidly morph into an “our soul”. THE Tories are vowing to save the “summer job” for youngsters. “A generation of young people risks being locked out of work because of unnecessary red tape, higher taxes and economic uncertainty,” says the party’s business spokesman Andrew Griffith. Back in the 70s, my summer jobs included filing paperwork in the divorce section at the local county court (very illuminating) and working at a fishing tackle shop handling live maggots. No wonder I became a journalist. IN 2007, Romanian Eugeniu Neamtu, 59, was imprisoned for murder in his home country after stabbing his housemate in a row over money. He was freed in 2023, came to the UK, and has now been found guilty of murdering his London flatmate in “strikingly similar” circumstances. As the debate over migration continues, at the very least can we agree that allowing previously convicted, serious criminals to settle here is madness? We have enough home-grown thugs to deal with, without importing more.