My Young Daughter Will Have Millions When She Turns 18. My Husband Is Already Telling Her How to Spend It.

Pay Dirt Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Yuliia Kaveshnikova/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Kristin and Ilyce here. (It’s anonymous!) Dear Pay Dirt, My husband “Theo” and I have been married for three years. I have a daughter, “Jade,” who is 10 from my first marriage and Theo has an 11-year-old daughter, “Lisa,” from his previous marriage. Jade’s father, my late husband, passed away in an auto accident six years ago. Her grandparents (my late husband’s parents) recently made a tidy profit from investments and created a trust fund for her worth several million dollars that she will receive when she turns 18. My husband has strong opinions about this money. Theo has been grumbling that Jade’s grandparents should have split it with Lisa so she isn’t resentful of her stepsister. Trying to explain that Lisa isn’t their granddaughter and that I wouldn’t be demanding money from Lisa’s grandparents for my daughter if our situations were reversed has gone nowhere. It’s getting to the point where this has become a real wedge issue; Theo even told Lisa that Jade is “going to be rich and not going to share” with her. Prior to this the girls used to have a fairly good relationship. Now Lisa gives Jade the cold shoulder when Theo has custody of her. Jade is upset and says Lisa can have half of what she gets “so we can be sisters again”. I don’t want my daughter to feel bullied into giving away her money when she’s not old enough to make that sort of decision. What can I do here? —Trust Fund Turmoil Dear Trust Fund Turmoil, Yuck! Your husband told a 10-year-old that her stepsister is “going to be rich and not going to share.” He isn’t really grumbling about what’s fair. Your husband is resentful that his stepdaughter has essentially won the lottery. That resentment is the real problem here, not the trust itself. And it’s one that isn’t going to go away on its own. Here’s what I’m wondering: Who controls this trust once it passes into your daughter’s hands? Who is the trustee: you, a bank, an attorney? That matters, because it determines who controls distributions and under what terms. It’s worth asking the grandparents whether the trust includes protections: staggered payouts rather than a lump sum at 18, and language preventing Jade from being pressured or coerced into giving portions away. An 18-year-old should not be able to sign away millions on impulse or under emotional pressure, and given what’s already happening with Lisa, that protection may be more urgent than it first appears. Also worth watching closely: whether Theo eventually pushes to have the trust reimburse the cost of raising Jade, or otherwise treats it as family money he’s somehow owed. That would tell you a great deal about his real motivations. Your first move is a conversation with Jade’s grandparents to find out the terms of the trust and whether they can be changed to strengthen protections for Jade. For example, can the terms be altered to deliver access to the money at 21, 25, or even 30? Are there specific things the trust can be used for, such as college tuition or a down payment on a home? Tell her grandparents what is going on so that they can take steps to protect Jade. Clearly, Jade should not give away her inheritance, now or later. You’ll need to protect her from that pressure directly, while you’re protecting yourself from whatever pressure Theo puts on you. At the end of the day, this gift has exposed a crack in your marriage and gives you new insight into your partner’s value system. You might want to talk with someone who can help you process what you’ve learned and give you some tools to help you move forward. —Ilyce Classic Prudie Since I was a kid, I’ve always had a strong preference for certain brands of condiments. At my house, I pride myself on having the good ketchup, the good mayo, the good mustard, the good hot sauce. At my husband’s cousin’s wedding, things got out of control. I sent a humorous, self-aware, half-joking request to the bride and groom ahead of the event to request that quality condiments be made available. I wasn’t asking for a full condiment bar, just the essentials—the good brands. I thought it would be no big deal and they’d see not only the humor and semi-serious nature of my email, but also the wisdom in paying attention to that oft-overlooked detail. But when I arrived and tasted the meal, I knew that they hadn’t honored my request. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Personal Finance Relationships