My Wife Made an Ill-Advised Joke to Her Friends. Now I’m Getting Angry Texts About Something I Never Did.

How to Do It Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My wife, “Luna,” is currently undergoing electrolysis hair removal around her bikini area to keep things more “trim,” her words. Things are going fine; it’s a bit painful for her, and I’m trying to be supportive. But as a joke, she took a picture of herself and showed it around to some of her friends, with the red marks from the electrolysis treatment, and said that she got “the pox.” As a joke, it wasn’t really to my taste, but it wasn’t something that upset me at first. Not until some of her friends sent me angry text messages about how dare I cheat on Luna and give her an STI. I showed the texts to Luna, and she thought it was hilarious and promised to straighten them out. I’m not 100 percent sure what she said, but while the hate texts have stopped, the two friends in question still give me the stink eye whenever we’re out in a group setting. I’m a little unsure of where I stand now with the wider group, but I’m also not sure what, if anything, I should say that won’t come across as defensive. I’ve thought of trying to get Luna to say something, but that’s awkward, and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. How do I manage this? —It’s Not Funny Dear It’s Not Funny, Anything you say in an attempt to defend yourself will come across as defensive. Luna started the chain of events that led to the general awkwardness here and your discomfort. I do have to admit that I also find the situation hilarious, but it’s clear that you do not, and that holds significant weight. Do consider whether there’s anything about your past behavior that might have set Luna’s friends up to assume the worst of you, or whether there’s anything the two friends might have going on in their lives that may be skewing their perceptions. Presuming you haven’t previously cheated or flirted to the point of inappropriateness, and have no insight into the reactions of the two friends, decide whether you want to try to manage the whole mess (which could backfire in ways that may be far more distressing for you, and risk compounding the awkwardness for the whole group exponentially) or wait to see if it blows over. Both paths are valid choices. Either way, start by making sure your wife has comprehended how distressing this is for you. Whether she’s able to stop giggling for long enough to take your feelings seriously or not will tell you something very important about your marriage. —Jessica More Advice From Slate I am a 33-year-old married woman, and I have been on birth control since I was 16 years old. My sex drive was always pretty moderate. Once or twice a week was plenty for me, and my husband was the same way. Sex is and has always been an important part of our relationship, we’re open and honest and we like to try new things together. We’ve always had very satisfying and exciting sex, but we could also go two or three weeks without having sex if we were tired, busy, or just not feeling it. About four months ago, I stopped taking birth control for health reasons and boy, things have changed. Advice Sex