My Wife Loves When I Go Down on Her. But She Won’t Let Me Do It Because of What Happens After.

How to Do It Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by choi dongsu/Getty Images Plus. Sign up for the Slatest to get the most insightful analysis, criticism, and advice out there, delivered to your inbox daily. How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous! Dear How to Do It, My wife enjoys it when I go down on her, but she almost never wants me to. She says she feels burning afterwards. She has not wanted to ask her doctor about this. Any thoughts or suggestions? —No Going Down Dear No Going Down, If she’s feeling that burn after oral sex, but not any other sexual activity, I’d look at what else is exclusive to oral. Is there something on your face or in your mouth that might be causing the burning sensation your wife feels? Maybe you’re using mouthwash as you’re getting ready to start sexual activity, eat hot sauce regularly, have a beard or stubble, or use some kind of cosmetic product that has a tingly feel? Where exactly she feels the burn could hold clues, as well. I’m curious why your wife doesn’t want to ask her doctor about the subject. The same words—“Why don’t you want to bring this up with your doctor?”—can land as a genuine desire to understand or as an act of verbal aggression, so, you know, use caution, but the answer could be helpful, even if only in terms of open communication. Most likely, she’s uncomfortable bringing up the subject of pleasure in a medical setting, but it might be the case that she’s not enjoying receiving oral for additional reasons and is hoping to sidestep the issue. Presuming that receiving oral sex is something she otherwise enjoys, you might look into barriers for oral as a way of protecting her vulva from anything that might be causing the burning sensation. Because STI risk mitigation isn’t the concern, your options are a bit wider than they might be otherwise. Dental dams are a classic, Lorals makes disposable underwear that serves the same function, and, depending on her and your taste, latex panties should also suffice, with the bonus of being washable and reusable for an extended period of time. If you or your wife has a latex allergy, latex garments, Lorals, and standard dental dams are going to backfire, so you’ll need to look for non-latex dams. If she has daily or special occasion underwear you can tolerate or enjoy the feel of against your tongue, those are worth a try as well. The kind of plastic wrap you find in a kitchen might also suffice, but it’s extra fiddly and has a really strong connotation of, well, the kitchen for most folks. And if the cause turns out to be something you’re eating or using during grooming, hopefully you can either forgo that in the hours before oral or swap it out for a different formulation—in that case, the problem is easily solved. —Jessica More Advice From Slate This might sound odd, but I’m a 35-year-old woman, and I just found out that the female screaming orgasms you see in movies aren’t actually typical. That’s because I’m lucky enough to orgasm in that way. Occasionally, I’ll have an enjoyable orgasm that’s a little more restrained… Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Sex