My Wife Keeps Dropping Hints About a Certain Wish for the Future. Oh Please, No.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photos by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife and I are the proud parents of two really great kids, two boys, ages 5 and 7. I love being their dad. They’re bright, funny little boys. Before we got married, we talked about having kids, and we agreed two would be a nice number. The problem is that for the past six months, my wife keeps bringing up wanting to have one more. She just keeps dropping hints, saying things like, “Oh, don’t you just want a baby,” and, “Wouldn’t the boys love a little baby.” I keep finding her on baby clothes websites. But she hasn’t asked me yet. It’s just hints. I’m happy with our family as it is. I do not want more. She brought it up for the first time when her brother had his first baby. That baby is a girl, and I think my wife had a lot of fun buying girl clothes and helping her sister-in-law decorate the baby’s room. So I thought that was what was making her mention it. But I feel like we’re kind of playing chicken here. If she’s just having fun imagining, I don’t want to ruin her fun by saying, “Hey, this isn’t happening.” But I’m also dreading the day she stops dropping hints and asks a question she is not going to like the answer to. What should I do? —Satisfied Dad of Two Dear Satisfied Dad of Two, Unfortunately, the best approach is the most uncomfortable one: Talk to your wife. The only way you’ll know for certain if she is seriously interested in having a third baby is if you ask her. If she says that she does want a third child, then you have to be honest. The best thing you can do for both of you is to say, “I love you, but I feel like our family is complete.” Don’t create scenarios in your head—just ask her and then listen to her and offer support no matter what. These conversations are tough, but they’re also what make for a strong marriage. Please keep questions short (<150 words), and don‘t submit the same question to multiple columns. We are unable to edit or remove questions after publication. Use pseudonyms to maintain anonymity. Your submission may be used in other Slate advice columns and may be edited for publication. Dear Care and Feeding, My wife “Amber’s” sister, “Bridget,” is a fundamentalist nut, but I try to be decent to her for my wife’s sake. Bridget and her equally dickheaded husband have a very strict list of things their 5-year-old son “Justin” is and isn’t allowed to do, so we have to clear any activities with them first. Over the weekend, Bridget’s mother-in-law had a medical emergency, so Amber and I took Justin so she and my brother-in-law could go be with her. We decided to take Justin to the zoo since he likes animals and we figured it was pretty innocuous. Fortunately, Bridget’s mother-in-law was able to return home from the hospital within a day. However, when we showed Bridget the footage from the zoo when she came to pick up Justin, she blew up. The reason? She saw some monkeys in one of the enclosures screwing. She then berated Amber and me and accused us of “corrupting” her son. She loaded him in her car and peeled out of our driveway. Now Bridget and her husband are demanding that we pay for Justin to see a shrink. There is no fucking way as far as I’m concerned. The trouble is my wife wants to pay for a few sessions because she’s afraid they will cut off her access to Justin if we don’t. I say no, giving in to terrorists. Please tell me I’m right. —No Monkey Business Dear No Monkey Business, I see your point. You absolutely should not pay for Justin’s visits to a shrink. The fact that they think he needs one for this—being in the vicinity of a humping animal—is ridiculous. Let’s do this for now: Calmly explain to your wife that her sister’s demands are completely unreasonable and that an apology is all that is necessary (even though it’s not, in my opinion, but whatever, they’re terrorists). Also assure your wife that when things cool off, her sister and her husband will hopefully recognize that they overreacted and that Justin is better off having you and your wife in his life. And that they are, too! But other than these mild assurances to your wife, you should stay out of it—sounds like you’re prepared to draw your sword here, and that will only make things worse. —A.J. More Parenting Advice From Slate My sister “Jasmine” recently got married. The wedding was held in the town Jasmine and I grew up in (where my family and I live). Jasmine and her fiancé, “Tyler,” arrived a few days beforehand. On the day before the wedding, they went with most of the family to the county fair. Tyler is hardcore MAGA and was making obnoxious comments about everything from women and LGBTQ+ people to the physical traits and appearance of random passersby. My 13-year-old daughter “Josie” was getting increasingly uncomfortable and angry. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids