My wife died five years after we married — I was just 25 when I became a widower

John lost his wife, Fliss, in 2019 (Picture: John Ball) ‘I thought I was unlovable,’ says 33-year-old John Ball. Sitting in his house as he chats to Metro over Zoom, he smiles warmly. But seven years ago, John lost his wife, Fliss, to breast cancer. Widowed at just 25, his life was turned upside down. The couple first became friends at school when they attended sixth form together. Soon, they were inseparable, and began dating three years later. At 20, they decided to get engaged. John and Fliss knew it was a bold move at their young age, but they were in love and sure of their relationship. For them, it was only natural that marriage would be the next step. However, just months after their engagement in 2013, Fliss received her devastating breast cancer diagnosis. John describes it as ‘a wall suddenly coming down in front of the future they had been planning.’ ‘Everything had been going in an upward direction. Then it just stopped,’ he explains. The couple were determined to keep going with their future, planning the wedding around Fliss’ treatments. ‘Anything materialistic, like what type of flowers do you want or what kind of bunting we should have, all of a sudden became very small and insignificant,’ remembers John. John and Fliss got married at a young age, but for them it was perfect (Picture: John Ball) Ask Metro Use AI to go deeper into the stories you care about – powered by Metro and trusted publications. ‘Despite treatment and life grinding to a halt, we were adamant about getting married.’ Fortunately, Fliss was strong enough to leave the hospital between sessions and although they had to push the date back slightly, the couple were married on August 16, 2014 in the village church surrounded by friends and family. ‘The wedding happened in the middle of treatment, while our honeymoon was spent going into a cancer ward a week later. ‘I never felt more like an adult at 21, but looking back, we were actually just children,’ remembers John. By the time the couple married, they had already moved into their own flat and were trying to build a life together between hospital visits and treatments. John, from North Wales, was working as a photographer for an estate agent, while Fliss was wrapping up her law degree before going on to work as a paralegal. ‘We were told there’s only one way this ends’ 12 months on from her initial diagnosis, Fliss went into remission. But then a yearly check up revealed that her cancer had returned. This time it had progressed to stage four secondary breast cancer. There was nothing more that could be done – all Fliss could have were life-preserving measures. ‘It came like an absolute sledgehammer of news, because we’d worked towards being in the clear,’ remembers John. ‘I was going to university full-time, then working part-time delivering pizzas to keep money coming in, and then caring full-time. My uni years were not parties and drinking. ‘We were told quite bluntly that there’s only one way this ends. In some ways that was oddly liberating. We could make the most of each day ‘A grand plan was managing to go out for afternoon tea, or something like that. A little bit more small scale, a little bit more simple.’ Breast cancer symptoms The first symptom of breast cancer that most women notice is a lump or an area of thickened tissue in their breast. You should see a GP if you notice any of the following: a new lump or area of thickened tissue in either breast that was not there before a change in the size or shape of one or both breasts a discharge of fluid from either of your nipples a lump or swelling in either of your armpits a change in the look or feel of your skin, such as puckering or dimpling, a rash or redness a rash (like eczema), crusting, scaly or itchy skin or redness on or around your nipple a change in the appearance of your nipple, such as becoming sunken into your breast Via NHS. Becoming a widower in my twenties Two years later, in 2019, Fliss passed away. She was just 25. John was by her side at the hospice where he ‘lived for a week’ before she died. John describes it as being ‘frozen in time’. While friends around him were getting jobs, going travelling and building their careers, the young widower was simply trying to get through each day and work out how to rebuild his life. Having graduated six months earlier and still earning a wage delivering pizzas, John couldn’t bring himself to stay in the flat he and Fliss had shared, as the memories were too upsetting. Instead, he decided to move in with his parents and take time off work. John struggled with the fact that so few people his own age understood what he was experiencing. ‘Being a widow at 25, it’s probably one of the most alienating experiences I can imagine. Quote Quote ‘So much of my self-identity had gone,’ he explains. ‘I didn’t know what I was doing. The life I had been planning was gone. ‘A lot of my purpose had come from being married. I was somebody who was living at home again, with no idea what I wanted to do.’ Although John met some fellow widowers through his local sailing group, who tried to help him, the men were all much older. Eventually, six months after Fliss’ death, John went for counselling to help him work through his grief. ‘I need to do something, although the therapist was a bit shocked at a 26-year-old widower,’ he recalls. It was during one of these sessions that his counsellor recommended the charity, Widowed and Young (WAY), which offers a peer-to-peer support network for anyone aged 50 or under when their partner died. John soon found comfort in talking in their online forums with other people who could relate to how he was feeling. John sought therapy after Fliss’ death (Picture: John Ball) ‘Even just reading other people’s posts broadened my horizon that there’s other people like me out there. That was really good at that point in my time.’ John became determined not to let being a widow define him. ‘I was adamant, and stubbornly so. I just wanted to be a normal 26-year-old,’ he remembers. Two years after he lost his wife, John made the decision to go back to university in 2021 to study environmental management. Here, he began meeting new people his age – including Alice, who would help him fall in love again. At first, it was a concept that had terrified John, as he questioned why anyone would want to be with a young widower carrying so much emotional baggage. ‘I thought I was unlovable,’ he admits. ‘I felt like a bag of broken parts… who’s going to want to be with me? I still love my wife, and I didn’t know how to navigate that.’ Initially, he and Alice were just friends, but as his feelings for her grew following their graduation, so did the questions in John’s head. ‘It all felt a bit weird, but I also felt excited, getting to know somebody new. ‘I also felt guilty for moving forward, because I wasn’t sure this was ever something I’d be open to,’ he remembers. John decided to seek help from a relationship therapist one-on-one to help him navigate entering a new partnership. John felt guilty for meeting someone else, as he still loved Fliss (Picture: John Ball) Through those conversations, he began to understand that loving someone new did not mean he had stopped loving Fliss. ‘Your heart is big enough to love two people. There’s a capacity to be in love in the present day and experience life, and then still hold that love in place,’ he explains. Alice was also understanding of his past, as the pair continued to build a life together. ‘She’s probably the most supportive and understanding person I’ve ever met,’ says John. He was aware that opening up his heart again also brought the possibility of further heartbreak or loss. But John also knew he could not spend the rest of his life being afraid of what might happen, and in September 2025, he and Alice got engaged. ‘It was a big step – but knowing that I’m in a place where I can plan a wedding and want to get married again is a beautiful thing,’ says John. Looking to the future Speaking about their future together, he adds, ‘You need to live life, and for us, it’s travelling. It’s something that we’re both quite passionate about.’ The couple hope to see more of the world together, and after everything he has been through, living life has become particularly important to John. Even so, he still finds time to attend meetings with WAY, as they give him comfort and support. ‘I am a different person now in many ways now, says John. ‘There’s many parts of me that have changed, yet I am a person built by my story and what I’ve experienced.’ Finding support as a young widow Widowed and Young (WAY) is the only national charity in the UK for men and women aged 50 or under when their partner died. The charity has a telephone support service that offers free bereavement counselling and a secure members’ only website that offers a safe place to meet and chat online 24 hours a day. WAY also organises weekends away for adults and families. Find out more here. Do you have a story you’d like to share? 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