My Sister Is Putting My Nephew in Danger. I’m Considering a Drastic Move.

Care and Feeding Photo illustration by Slate. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, I just learned that my sister “Kate” has been leaving her 7-year-old son “Lance” home by himself while she runs errands. I found out when I texted her to ask if I could swing by her place on my lunch hour to pick up a carpet shampooer I had loaned her and she said to go ahead. When I arrived, my nephew let me in and I realized he was home alone! In response to my question as to where his mom was, he said “out shopping.” I contacted Kate to ask why Lance was by himself, and she said she wasn’t going to be gone that long so it wasn’t a big deal. I ended up having to get back to my office over two hours late because I wasn’t willing to leave Lance there alone. When Kate got home, she said it really wasn’t necessary for me to have stayed. When I tried expressing my concerns, my sister said that Lance is a good kid and she trusts him. That’s not the point. Things can happen that even a “good kid” his age wouldn’t be equipped to handle. Kate is divorced from Lance’s father, and I doubt he would approve of his 7-year-old son being left in a house unsupervised. At this point would it be appropriate for me to notify my former brother-in-law about what is going on? —Worried Sister Dear Sister, To me, it’s is a no-brainer that a 7-year-old children cannot be left alone at home. However! Each time one of our columnists says as much, we get many comments from people lamenting that actually, not leaving small children alone is the problem with this country. OK! To be clear! I think those people are wrong, but I do want to acknowledge that they exist, and that your sister’s (wrong!) approach is, for some reason, not an outlier. Try to have one more serious conversation with your sister. Tell her how concerned you are that she is leaving Lance home alone, that you believe that it is dangerous for him and for her, legally. Tell her that leaving a child that young alone can be considered neglect. Tell her that you do not want something to happen to Lance or to her and that you are sick about it. And then see what she says. If you still don’t think she’s taking it seriously, then tell her that you’re considering whether this is serious enough to tell Lance’s dad. She is not going to like this! But I think it might get her listen to you. As to whether you should actually tell Lance’s dad … that depends on Lance’s dad. He could use this information change their custody agreement. Would that be good for Lance? Unclear. It definitely won’t be good for your relationship with your sister. But I think if you keep Lance top-of-mind and try to make decisions based on what will be best for him, then you’ve done what you can. Good luck. I hope your sister listens to you. —Logan More Parenting Advice From Slate My dad cheated on my mom and is now living in an apartment by himself. I would have been mad enough at him for cheating, but I heard them fighting before he left, and he called her all kinds of terrible things and blamed her for his actions. Never miss new Slate Advice columns Get the latest from Prudie and our columnists in your inbox each weekday, plus special bonus letters on Saturdays. Advice Family Kids